The New Intimacy

Why do people cheat?

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Contributor: Timaree Timaree
Things I've heard as reasons:
They're selfish
They don't have self-control
It's unnatural to be monogamous Read this link to find out more about that
They want out of the relationship
There is something specific their regular partner doesn't give them
08/05/2010
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Contributor: firekitten firekitten
I believe people cheat because they are either missing something in the relationship or think they may want out, but want don't want to lose what they have. They may be missing something as simple as that old spark, or that their partner isn't fulfilling what they need or think they need. Or they could just not care. There's so many reasons.
08/05/2010
Contributor: Alan & Michele Alan & Michele
I've always believed that it's unnatural to be monogamous, even though I am (and before you bash Alan, this is Michele).
08/05/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Timaree
Things I've heard as reasons:
They're selfish
They don't have self-control
It's unnatural to be monogamous Read this link to find out more about that
They want out of the relationship
There is something specific their ... more
People cheat because they are disposed to when the opportunity arises. Everything else is justification and excuses. You cheat because at the time you were offered you said yes, regardless of the consequences.
08/06/2010
Contributor: Lif3sambiguity Lif3sambiguity
There are no excuses for cheating. Reasons, there could be millions, but the reasons are never enough to make the person who got cheated on feel better!
11/02/2010
Contributor: Phoenix713 Phoenix713
Quote:
Originally posted by Timaree
Things I've heard as reasons:
They're selfish
They don't have self-control
It's unnatural to be monogamous Read this link to find out more about that
They want out of the relationship
There is something specific their ... more
I don't know. I could never do it. I also could never understand it.
11/03/2010
Contributor: Cedarlooman Cedarlooman
Quote:
Originally posted by Phoenix713
I don't know. I could never do it. I also could never understand it.
I too had this viewpoint 4 months ago. Things change, you see things, you learn things. What happens when you find the person who if you were to design the perfect match for you is suddenly found and they are not the person you are in a committed relationship with? And you still are in love with the person in the committed relationship but their ideas of relationships and sex and their interests no longer coincide with yours? People say that cheaters are miserable human beings who are incredibly weak, but I can guarantee that many of them go through a very long and difficult process trying to sort out how to reconcile the fact that their views on life had changed and they find themselves in love with more than one person.

Are they a bad person for choosing to keep their relationship intact to continue to be able to provide for their loved ones and pursue a love interest outside the relationship who fulfills them on different levels and in different ways? If knowing that this happened would destroy the other person and cause a destructive spiral that could potentially harm the family more than the indiscretion?

It is easy to judge if it has never happened, but not all cheaters regret it, and not all of them are bad people. We are all human and all very complex.
03/26/2011
Contributor: virtualmirage virtualmirage
People cheat because they are unsatisfied. Sometimes it might not even be their relationship that they are unsatisfied with, it could be work or life, but when the opportunity to be with another person arises, they take it because that will make them feel better about themselves. Almost like if they are conquering, and by being able to conquer others outside their relationships makes them feel liek they have worth.
03/26/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
People have different reasons. Some do it because they're dissatisfied, some do it because they need people to want to have sex with them in order for them to feel attractive. There really isn't one specific reason why people cheat, those that do have their own individual reasons, however backwards they may seem.
03/28/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
My ex brother in law cheated because he needed his ego stroked every possible second of every day. I cheated because I was emotionally unfilled. My husband cheated because he was ready to move on with his life and he's a serial monogomist.

It really depends on the person and what's going on in life. For some it's as simple as being unable to commit and always looking for the bigger, better deal. For others, it's just an outlet. Nobody but that person can say for sure.
03/28/2011
Contributor: aBeastlyLittleThing aBeastlyLittleThing
Quote:
Originally posted by Timaree
Things I've heard as reasons:
They're selfish
They don't have self-control
It's unnatural to be monogamous Read this link to find out more about that
They want out of the relationship
There is something specific their ... more
i don't really think it's cheating if both people are open to other people, andd agreed on the matter.
but i've cheated before in past relationships, and it was because i didn't feel loved. i was trying to find someone else to make me feel important because my bf at the time wasn't doing that. not justifying, it hurt him a lot. but that was my reasoning.
03/29/2011
Contributor: UnknownGirl UnknownGirl
I think a lot of people do it just for the thrill.
03/29/2011
Contributor: savagelove savagelove
The common denominators amongst most cheaters I know are a certain lack of respect for themselves and/or a certain lack of respect for everyone else. And I say that because at the end of the day, when you're in a monogamous relationship and you get into bed with a third person behind your love's back, you've made a decision about your partner's life: that they're going to be someone who has been cheated on. Cheating is always a choice. Perhaps not a well-thought out one, but a choice nonetheless.

Also, it never seems to have symmetry in feeling: The enjoyment the cheater gets never seems to match the despair the cheated feels, in depth nor duration. I just don't see how that could be worth it to someone. Just break up or grow a pair and have an adult conversation about the terms of your commitment. The fact that life-long monogamy is generally unrealistic in human terms is no justification for trouncing someone's trust. When one wants to move on or open up the relationship, communication is the only thing that can ease us out of those broken hopes.

I think a lot of people cheat because they want to move on but have an ironic fear of hurting feelings.
03/31/2011