The New Intimacy

What happens when you want to be single, but...

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Contributor: Mitzuki Mitzuki
...You want to be single, but you want to be with someone at the same time?

I've been with my fiance for almost 4 years now, and we both can't wait to get married. But I find myself not wanting to be in a committed relationship with him anymore, because he doesn't want to work and the responsibilities have fallen on me for too long. Everything else about our relationship is lovely, and fantastic. I've done everything I could to try to whip him into shape, and he's promised up and down he wants to take care of me. So why won't he?
Anyone have some insight here?
06/20/2012
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Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
It's hard to say. Ask him, straight forward. There are so many elements to a relationship. More than one need that needs met. When one person won't compromise with the other it causes problems. You can't make someone change, they will only change if they want to. You need to discuss the issue with him, tell him it's pushing you away and for a marriage to work and be what you want it to be, both people need to contribute financially and you cannot and do not want to do it all alone.
After talking about it with him and laying it all out, giving him time to make a change, if he doesn't then you have to decide if this is okay, if you can accept this or maybe it's time to move on.
I was in a 4yr relationship and I started having those feelings, but mine was more do to the sexual aspect of the relationship, not sticking up for me, being sloppy among others. I wanted out but I was scared to be alone and that is what it came down to. I advise to anyone NEVER to stay out of fear of being alone (not saying that is your reason).

Basically, talk to him. We can all guess why he isn't but only you and him really know because no one here knows your whole relationship. My first thought is (basing off of what happened to a friend) he isn't getting a job because he doesn't want to work and why should he if you're going to let him mooch off of you? If he doesn't have a disability or something then there is no reason he can't get a job and help you out.
06/21/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
Why should he when you take care of him??? I just went through this with my hubby. He went from making around $95-100 thousand per year to nothing, the log industry totally shut down where we live. I took care of everything for three and a half years and the last year had had enough!!! I told him if he did not get off his lazy ass ad get to work--we were through. I also quit paying for all extras. He pawned everything he possibly could and when he was ready to lose it all got a job. (I did have back up money to unpawn the items--just not tell him, but did not have to do that). He is working for lower pay but is paying his share and we are much happier!! Stand up for yourself, let him see what extras you can buy for YOURSELF, and he has none. That can be a good motivater!!
06/21/2012