The New Intimacy

Slump? Lost of attraction? What the hell happened?

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Contributor: Kim! Kim!
My boyfriend moved in about a month ago and I've lost nearly all attraction to him. I think. My sex drive is still there and whenever he's gone I'm pulling out the sex toys.
We haven't had sex in 3 weeks. Part of this can easily be explained. At first it wasn't really me. He has some problems and lost his libido. But once he started getting it back I lost all interest. And then we took turns with this horrible bug which then brought on my period and he's anti-period sex. So yeah. Three weeks and we've only been living together for a month.

I've always had a really high sex drive. I still have a high sex drive. I just don't want sex with him. I'm not sure if it's because I realized that he will shower before work Thursday night and then then tends to not shower again until before work Sunday night. By Saturday I have no desire to have that on me. Or maybe it's because we're already fighting about his lack of doing housework and it's exhausting me. Am I being petty? Is this much bigger than sex?
02/22/2011
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Contributor: SerenityRed SerenityRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Kim!
My boyfriend moved in about a month ago and I've lost nearly all attraction to him. I think. My sex drive is still there and whenever he's gone I'm pulling out the sex toys.
We haven't had sex in 3 weeks. Part of this can easily be ... more
I had a similar problem to this when I first moved in with my boyfriend. It started to feel like we were more roommates than in a relationship. We still had sex but it wasn't passionate anymore. When things started getting worse, we started feeling attracted to other people, but we still loved the other. It was only when we were able to realize our feelings for each other that we were able to fix things.

He's currently living on the east coast right now and I haven't seen him in 9 months. But we're still very much in love. The day he left was the worst day in our lives. :/


Have you tried talking to him about it? Have you tried taking a break from sex? Not just not having it, but actually agreeing to no sex for a while. Or even taking a break from a relationship. Do you have feelings for another person or was sex all that drove your relationship in the first place and now that you live together you don't know how to take that next step?

I hope at least some of this helped... Good luck! We did, so I'm sure you guys can too.
02/22/2011
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
I think the lack of desire might stem from other issues that you guys have (about the chores) I think once you guys work things out then the desire will probably come back.

PS. I think it is so weird that he doesn't shower everyday!!! I wouldn't want that on me either. Perhaps you could propose shower sex if he is in the mood and you turn out to be in the mood also.
02/22/2011
Contributor: Cream in the Cupcake Cream in the Cupcake
Its mental. You are mad about the housecleaning stuff. Living together is tough, you need to know them. My man moved in when I was 16 so we got accustomed to eachothers living styles very quickly and we are compatable. If you do want to be with him, talk to him about his hygeine. I never turn my man away if hes a little dirty, so i suspecting your not into him anymore. Im curious to hear what happens.
02/25/2011