The New Intimacy

Since you are HERE, in this area, what IS a "long term relationship" to you?

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
I just heard a couple speaking about her "long term" boyfriend. Seems they have just hit the "one year mark". Speaking with friends, they think "long term" means five years, some feel it is not "long term" unless it is married or "living together" for many years.

What is YOUR definition of when something becomes "long term"?
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
More then a few months, but less then a year.
More then one year.
Coralbell , Jesse , Wondermom , Dusk , Howells , ZenaidaMacroura , CAKES , married with children , RTC , wrmbreze , mastersonv
11
More then one year, but less then five years
Shellz31 , SiNn , Gunsmoke , Endocott , EnMH , kelaaa33wish , link82 , Nyx , darthkitt3n , Sir , JessCee , Kdlips , ms.anon , LovesAPoet , potstickers
15
More then five years?
P'Gell , MN58 , newfoundlust , M.H1 , Rossie , ac0313
6
Years, but must be living together?
Even short time is "long term", IF living together"?
Other?
MaryExy , sbon , Sex'и'Violence , LostBoy988
4
Total votes: 36 (36 voters)
Poll is closed
07/06/2011
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Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
Depends on the person. I think a good marker would be when you get comfortable with down time between talking and sex, when you can just chill together and not be freaking out thinking, "he/she must be bored of me and now it's awkward" or "we don't know enough about each other, why aren't we talking!?"

I dunno, though, I'm still waking up.
07/06/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
A little hard to answer. I think between 3 and 5 years qualifies as a "long term" relationship. I think you need to see your lover in all aspects of life; how does he handle death, how does he handle success, how does he handle failure? How does he respond when you become ill or unable to function? How does he act when he is sick or injured? Or when financed change? How does he handle family interactions and crises? How do the two of you get along when things change drastically and how do you handle life when it becomes predictable?

Anybody can have fun the first year or so, lasting for years, in and out of tragedy, happiness, falling out of and back into love and seeing each other at your best and at your worst is necessary.
07/06/2011
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
I just heard a couple speaking about her "long term" boyfriend. Seems they have just hit the "one year mark". Speaking with friends, they think "long term" means five years, some feel it is not "long term" ... more
ive been with my better half for almost 8 yrs so we r long term i think long term really means a commitment of love honesty and togethernessnot just sex
07/06/2011
Contributor: sbon sbon
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
A little hard to answer. I think between 3 and 5 years qualifies as a "long term" relationship. I think you need to see your lover in all aspects of life; how does he handle death, how does he handle success, how does he handle failure? How ... more
I tend to agree with Mary Exy. All of the things you list are not time-sensitive. it's not like you've been together for 4-5 years and automatically you've had all of those experiences together. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year now and together we've handled death, financial hardship, celebrations, illnesses, family problems, etc.
07/06/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Anything involving the word 'years'.
07/06/2011
Contributor: Coralbell Coralbell
For me, anything over a year seems long term. I have a feeling my idea of that might change as I get older though. My boyfriend and I have been together about 6 months now, and that seems pretty long to me since I have never been in any kind of serious relationship before.
07/06/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
I see it more as outlook rather than actual timestamp. My guy and I knew we were going to be long-term from just a few months in. I think it's about commitment level and future planning. I agree with P'Gell too, experiences are huge.
07/06/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Any kind of serious & committed relationship where children/marriage/etc has been put on the table.
07/06/2011
Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
Long term - implies a commitment that 'has a future' - not just one that has been going on for a while. My daughter has been dating a guy for 4 years - and since she's so young it's an open question of it is truly 'long term'.

For me getting married defined long term, before that it was just a series of fun/exploratory relationships.
07/06/2011
Contributor: MN58 MN58
Quote:
Originally posted by Gunsmoke
Long term - implies a commitment that 'has a future' - not just one that has been going on for a while. My daughter has been dating a guy for 4 years - and since she's so young it's an open question of it is truly 'long ... more
I agree with Gunsmoke.
07/06/2011
Contributor: LostBoy988 LostBoy988
Relationships are fluid. Any form of interaction with another human being is considered a relationship. Relationships can be then, in my opinion, should not be defined by time but through strength of the past, present, and future.
07/06/2011
Contributor: EnMH EnMH
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
I just heard a couple speaking about her "long term" boyfriend. Seems they have just hit the "one year mark". Speaking with friends, they think "long term" means five years, some feel it is not "long term" ... more
We've been together over four years now, married for two and a half. Long term is definitely an individual interpretation but I think that when you go past the year mark, it's probably considered that.
07/06/2011
Contributor: M.H1 M.H1
long term to me is when marriage comes a long
07/06/2011
Contributor: ThoughtsAblaze ThoughtsAblaze
Quote:
Originally posted by toxie m
I see it more as outlook rather than actual timestamp. My guy and I knew we were going to be long-term from just a few months in. I think it's about commitment level and future planning. I agree with P'Gell too, experiences are huge.
I love this perspective. I've known my guy for 18 months and have been dating for a few months; but the relationship we're establishing is different from usual dating for courtship/marriage, so that I think of us as long-term because I very realistically see us together 5 or 10 years in a strong relationship but not marriage (we have our qualms with it).
07/06/2011
Contributor: Nyx Nyx
I think age comes into play too. For a fifteen year old, a year-long relationship is SUPER LONG. To a 40 or 50 year old, a year may not seem like such a long time.

I've just turned 26, and I think it'd have to be longer than a year, but to me, definitely wouldn't need to be as long as five years. It also seems to vary depending on the people involved. It seems like sometimes couples just KNOW they're in it for the long haul.
07/06/2011
Contributor: JessCee JessCee
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Anything involving the word 'years'.
this is exactly what I was thinking
07/06/2011
Contributor: Kdlips Kdlips
more than a year
07/06/2011
Contributor: ms.anon ms.anon
More than a year usually, but depends on the couple
07/07/2011
Contributor: IrishLassie IrishLassie
Its more than a year but I also think it depends on the couple and much they are willing to commit (doesnt mean marriage).
07/09/2011
Contributor: lanky lanky
more then a year
07/09/2011
Contributor: ac0313 ac0313
Although I chose more than 5 years, that does not mean a couple who have only been together for 6 months or a couple years are NOT in a LTR. It is more a state of mind. If they plan to stay together, neither is looking to get out, and they in love, they are in a LTR, but just have not hit the time that most would call Long Term yet!
07/14/2011
Contributor: wrmbreze wrmbreze
I put more than a year but I think it really think it depends on the people concerned. If all you've ever had are 1 night stands a few months might feel long term. For someone who continuously has relationships at least a year, then long term might mean 3-5 years.
12/11/2011