I had a whole long post written with key things bolded for anyone who wanted to just skip half, but anyway. The gist of things is that it was a roughly 4 year old relationship that was sort of dysfunctional on multiple levels because he has trust issues and i was dishonest with some things about my identity because when we first met we met online and i had no intention of actually meeting anyone and didn't want them to be able to find me. So after I was honest about who I was he never fully trusted me, years later. Kept me out of his life in many ways. Never met his parents, who live like 30 minutes away. Shit like that. And it made me feel shitty.

But he's also the best friend I've ever had. We mesh like nothing else. Even on a random website with no intention of actually getting to know someone, we found each other.

I recently stopped taking an anti depressant on drs orders because we thought a light depression and spell of anxiety I was having was more situational due to an transfer/academic shift thing. But now looking back, while I was on it I felt a lot more content in the relationship. Now that I'm not on it, not having planned for it at all, I decided I just can't do it anymore and broke up with him.

And I just don't know if it's the right thing, you know? Like more than any breakup I've had before. I honestly can't tell if I just had a bi polar mood swingy moment and broke up with my meant to be person or if it really was legitimate. Because every perspective I take seems workable.