I think most people who cheat and are given a chance don't have the first clue how to go about changing the process that lead them to cheat in the first place.

They hide their feelings and actions from their partner and if they continue to do so, to protect them or to keep from facing the response they get when being honest, it is very likely they will end up in a position where they will cheat again.

If, however, they can be honest and the partner can receive that honesty in a positive way, about how they feel about the relationship itself and when they have feelings of attraction to someone else and about the time they are spending with that person... in other words, actually learn new habits of communicating and behaving honestly, both with themselves and their partner, then yeah, maybe they can be trusted again.


I've been through this. I did cheat, emotionally, on my husband, when I was married. Once I stopped hiding my real feelings (I got caught) about my marriage, him, and the other person I realized some serious changes needed to be made, that my husband was not the person I should be married to.

I hurt him very deeply with my actions and learned that the biggest problem with our marriage was a complete and utter lack of communication about how we felt about [itlaic|anything] other than petty every day "pick up your socks" kind of complaints.

My next relationship was very different. We were open and honest, speaking regularly about the other people in our lives and how we felt about those people. We both communicated specifically and clearly about how we felt about each other. We always knew exactly where we stood with each other and if one of us was insecure about it, we'd talk about it. It was a long distance relationship so we agreed not to be exclusive, to allow each other other sexual relationships. But again, with the agreement that there be complete transparency. When are you together, what do you do, do you have sex, do you like the sex, do you like this person a lot or a little... it wasn't always fun, but it was so much better than not knowing, being lied to, never being sure if you could trust someone is being honest with you.

So, I will never, ever cheat on a partner again, because I've changed how I communicate with my partners. They will know who I am attracted to and what my intentions are from step 1, always.

I will probably never quite forgive myself for hurting anybody the way I hurt my ex husband, but I know I will never again do that to anybody. But I also know that unless you take total responsibility for your own actions and change your communication habits, it's VERY likely you will always be a cheater. less

Its hard to say for sure whether or not a person will cheat again if they have done it once before. However, to me thats not the point... if someone cheated on me I would from that moment on question everything they did... I don't feel as if I could rebuild a trusting relationship. So even though I do feel people can genuinely change I also feel that cheating often ruins a relationship. Its best to just be upfront with what you're feeling always, and if you know that cheating is something you cannot forgive don't pretend that you can and continue to punish your partner... its not fair to either party. less

Yes, a LACK of good communication is a factor in why people cheat, in addition to other issues already within a relationship. All the attached men I turned down in lifestyle would say "I can't talk to my wife/gf about it. She just wouldn't understand"...that was very common. I would ask if they tried talking to her? Most wouldn't even consider bringing it up, were afraid or jumped to conclusions about how their partner would react.

My husband and I have an open relationship, but lately its more open on his side, and that's ok with me. He has a bf for those that didn't know, a great guy. As dysfunctional as some may see our marriage, it actually works great for us. We talk about everything, openly and honestly! He knows I've had many hormonal and physical issues these last few years and has been respectful of my lack of desire. In a way, it's a blessing he is who is is. I couldn't ask for a kinder man. I couldn't cheat on him. less