The New Intimacy

Marriage without the wedding

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Contributor: Do emu Do emu
I'm getting "married" this year, but it's only because I have to. My partner of three years lives in another country, and in order to be able to stay together, we need to be legally married. Needless to say, I have considered having a wedding, but they're just too expensive and flashy.

I'm thinking of just signing the papers with an officiant, and having a small celebration for now. Maybe in a few years when I have the time and money for a ceremony, I'll do the whole thing with the dress and the cake.

On the other hand, I know that marriage is seen by many as a symbolic milestone in a relationship, and that I may want to cherish it and make it more special. I already see our relationship as special without some type of legal document that says we are "officially" bound, though.

There are a lot of other factors that would take too long to explain, but generally if you were in my situation with lack of money and going to get married, what would you end up doing? I'm just looking for other perspectives here. Thanks!
04/15/2013
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Contributor: Sammi Sammi
If having a wedding isn't a big deal for you, then I'd say do the papers and small celebration. But, if you really want the cake, have the cake at your small celebration - we didn't have one when we got married and always said we would, but 21+ years later, and I still didn't get one
04/15/2013
Contributor: Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
I'm definitely feeling the same tension. My partner and I don't have any money for a big wedding and I don't care about having a big wedding. My family, namely my parents, really want us to have a big celebration but no ones offering to pay

I think we're just going to have a small ceremony (<40 people) at a small bed and breakfast in the mountains. It will only be $800 for everything. Maybe a few years later we'll have a big ceremony when we have the money.
04/15/2013
Contributor: jessi2 jessi2
We are living as we are married, and will do the paperwork soon, but will not have the ceremony until we can afford to have a wedding we would be proud of!
04/15/2013
Contributor: Do emu Do emu
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
If having a wedding isn't a big deal for you, then I'd say do the papers and small celebration. But, if you really want the cake, have the cake at your small celebration - we didn't have one when we got married and always said we would, ... more
That's a good point. I'll try to make it special still, just not go all out. It's funny, I always dreamed of having some extravagant wedding when I was younger, and now I'm not really having one at all.
04/16/2013
Contributor: Do emu Do emu
Quote:
Originally posted by Lildrummrgurl7
I'm definitely feeling the same tension. My partner and I don't have any money for a big wedding and I don't care about having a big wedding. My family, namely my parents, really want us to have a big celebration but no ones offering to ... more
Right? I feel like the party is more for family than anyone else. I know if I could help it, I'd just leave without introducing him to anyone, but my mom definitely made it clear that was unacceptable. I'll have my cake and eat it too when I'm away from everyone else.
04/16/2013
Contributor: Do emu Do emu
Quote:
Originally posted by jessi2
We are living as we are married, and will do the paperwork soon, but will not have the ceremony until we can afford to have a wedding we would be proud of!
That's kind of where I stand for the wedding ceremony. If I am going to do it at all, I want to do it my way. Might as well! But that will definitely have to wait until we can afford it, too.
04/16/2013
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
It sounds like the main thing you want is the legal part, so just go for the paper. You can always go through the symbolic and religious parts at a later point
04/16/2013
Contributor: Tar2013 Tar2013
There are ways of making it special without breaking the bank! Use your resources. If there is a beautiful park nearby, have it there!
04/25/2013