The New Intimacy

How many of you in long tern relationships would choose their current partner or partners again?

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Contributor: Alicia Alicia
I'd absolutely choose my husband again! I've never been happier in my life. Sometimes I think that I might change the way we got together but in the end I think the way we did it was right. Basically I had been dating another guy and got pregnant but the guy broke up with before I even knew. I went on a date with my now husband, a blind date, and things went kind of well but I was still pining for the ex. Then, I found out I was pregnant and my friend said no guy would want to date me until my child was like 10 years old. Stupidly I believed her and I told my now husband that I was pregnant and it didn't phase him. He STILL wanted to date me and was not scared by the idea of me having a baby. Now, since the friend had told me I'd be alone for 10 years I thought that Mike must be a some kind of weirdo if he was ok with my being pregnant and having a baby..so I broke up with him. I didn't tell him the real reason why..I just said it was because he had bad pants..which was just stupid..I blame pregnancy brain!! Anyway..so long story short we talked all through my pregnancy but we never got together and never saw each other although several times he offered to take me shopping to this baby superstore that was 2 hours away. Three weeks after the baby was born I needed a night away. I was 20 years old and a single mother and my mom was like "go, get a night out for yourself, the baby will be fine" I chose Mike to go out with and the rest is history. We hit it off and moved in together a few months later and now we've been together for 9 years and married for almost 7 (our anniversary is next month!)

Ok so that was really long but I wanted to explain what I mean about maybe doing things differently! I often say how I wish I never blew him off at first so he could have experienced the pregnancy and been at the birth of my daughter since he thinks of her as one of our own and loves her no differently then he does our two sons. But...things happen for a reason. At the time I was pregnant I was not really over my ex and he also had an ex that he was not over. We both I think needed that time to be single and get our hearts ready to be open for "the one" that we both were to each other
08/03/2010
Contributor: Maiden Maiden
We are so different when it comes to relationship "rules" and such. I am not sure I was made to be monogamous, as it has always been a struggle. That being said, I always find myself in monogamous relationships, as I do not feel it right to cheat. I am always wanting to be with that person, but also having yearnings to have variety. Of course, no man I have been with can handle me having sex with any man but him, so that has always been where I gave in. I tried the "open relationship" once, and inevitably feelings got hurt as I find it hard to be with some one sexually and not develop feelings. I met my current man during this open relationship, but he started to fall in love with me and I with him. I wish now I had stuck to my guns and stayed single completely for awhile, as I have never been single for very long. Our relationship has struggled from the beginning, and then we had a child together. I love him like no other and can't imagine my life without him, it's just that I want to be more adventurous sexually, have different partners every now and again, but he isn't having it. He doesn't even think he could handle having another male in bed with us, them sharing me. I admire and envy those who have poly-amorous relationships, and think that is what is better suited to me. I think, if I could go back in time, before I had my child, knowing about myself what I know now, I would choose a different path. That is not to say I regret my time with my man, it has been great, but I always feel like there is a void in my life.
Some say that I want my cake and want to eat it too, and maybe that is it, though I think it is much more than greedy or selfish sexual desires. It is true, however, that if my current man would be okay with me being with some one else, I would and I would also be okay with him being with someone else.
I know I am rambling here, and I hope I am making sense. I recently watched a show about a poly-amorous relationship where a woman lived in the same house as her two lovers and they were raising a child together. It showed how they made things work, dealt with issues, and how the lived their life. It made me think of if I could have the "perfect" relationship, it would be something like that. Have my man, and we sharing others lovers, whether it be male or female and keeping our minds open to loving some one else in addition to each other.
08/04/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by ~LaUr3n~
I'd most likely choose him again, that is if everything happened the same prior to meeting him. It was such a happenstance that we met that everything would have to go just right. The timing was bad or good depending on how you look at it. I ... more
I understand perfectly, I think the line in the song says it best: "I'd carefully consider every choice and then...." Carefully considering should include making an inventory of one's self and being sure one is ready to make that choice.
I have many things I'd do differently in both my relationships but in the end I'd choose them both again.
08/08/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I really wish the people who think people with high sex drives, perhaps unusual set ups, many partners, and who love sex toys and "out of the ordinary sex" "can't love" and aren't able to settle down with a lover would be ... more
Pffffftt they shoudl meet some of the people here! Even though some of the people here wouldn't, perhaps, choose their current partners again they are still over sexed and making it work for them! I have ALWYAS been hypersexual and I am constantly making and keeping relationships long past their expirations dates LOL.
Sounds like jealousy more than prudishness to me when I read those types of posts, and it makes me sad.
See, I don't NEED a husband and life partner, I was perfectly happy with just a husband! But now that I have a husband and life partner I can't imagine my life with out both of them...don't wanna picture my life without them both!
08/08/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
I'd absolutely choose my husband again! I've never been happier in my life. Sometimes I think that I might change the way we got together but in the end I think the way we did it was right. Basically I had been dating another guy and got ... more
Awwwww that's a beautiful story! What a wonderful man.
08/08/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Hopeless Romantic
I think everything happens for a reason. I like to realize every relationship is not perfect, everyone has their ups & downs. So The only thing I'd change is I'd choose him first before all the others who broke my heart.
<3 yes... same for me!
08/12/2010
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
My partner is great and I would definitely choose him, I just wouldn't screw things up as much.
08/12/2010
Contributor: onehotmomma onehotmomma
I would choose my guy again in a heartbeat. Even after we've had some pretty rocky times, and we've both changed a LOT, I couldn't imagine it any differently!
08/16/2010
Contributor: deadpoet deadpoet
I would choose my boyfriend again and again. Technically, I choose him in the 2nd grade, moved away and we found each other again in high school.
08/16/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
I voted I don't know. He has so many positives but so many negatives. I've been married 24 years.

Postives:
-tall
-good looking
-jaw-droppingly bright
-we're extremely compatible when we're on vacation or away from the house, always thinking on the same plane

Negatives:
-mental illness (goes with extreme intelligence?)
-frequent unemployment
-poor sex life, even in the beginning
-poor housekeeping/organizat ional skills

People, please say how long you've been with your person. If you had asked me after I'd only been married a few years I would have answered that I'd choose him again too.
08/20/2010
Contributor: softkkisses softkkisses
There is no one else for me just him... the love off my life
09/01/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
My man and I have been together for 3.5 years, and I think the low points in a relationship are almost as important as the high points. We have been through so much together, and despite all that, we're still going strong. Knowing that we've been through so much only assures me that we will be in this for the long run, and won't let a rough patch change anything. Some days I get irritated, but I know I'd still choose him again no matter how angry I am. We are so alike, yet different, and compliment each other very well. I definitely think it was fate
09/01/2010
Contributor: sextoygeek sextoygeek
Quote:
Originally posted by Maiden
We are so different when it comes to relationship "rules" and such. I am not sure I was made to be monogamous, as it has always been a struggle. That being said, I always find myself in monogamous relationships, as I do not feel it right to ... more
This is almost exactly how I feel. When I first get in a relationship I'm very committed, but then I eventually drift to wanting to try other things and wanting stuff out side of that relationships. All the guys I've been with just can't deal with threesomes or swinging. I'm also only 23 so most guys my age are quiet... territorial I suppose.

As far as picking my current boyfriend, I don't know. I've been through a rough patch of life for the last year or so and just haven't been able to settle into my life. He came in during the middle and I just haven't felt that connection, though he's told me before he loves me. He's also not as affectionate as I'd like and I don't want to ask cause he said his ex-wife wanted him to smother her with affection basically and he hated it. The ex-wife thing also throws me, since I'm only 23 and he's 28, it just feels so different that an ex-girlfriend, especially since he's still friends with her. I'm hoping things will settle once I really get into classes and all, but I've just been very cautious with him. Some days he annoys the living hell out of me and others he's okay. I only get to see him twice a week since we live 30 minutes apart and his work schedule is crazy. So yeah...
09/02/2010
Contributor: Maiden Maiden
Quote:
Originally posted by sextoygeek
This is almost exactly how I feel. When I first get in a relationship I'm very committed, but then I eventually drift to wanting to try other things and wanting stuff out side of that relationships. All the guys I've been with just ... more
I understand how you feel and all I can say is I wish I was 23 again with no child or obligations to anyone but myself. One thing I have learned, especially since joining this site is you are not alone. There is no reason to feel ashamed or greedy or weird for the things you fantasize about or want sexually. Chances are there are MANY out there like you and you don't have to settle for anything. If you aren't satisfied sexually or feel confined in a "traditional" relationship, you do have options. Just don't rush things, take the time to meet new people, people that have your same interests and when you find them, be cautious. Take your time, BE SAFE, and explore your body and your sexuality. The right person or persons will come to you in time. At least this is my belief, my hope. Be true to yourself and do not settle for less than what you need to be happy. I sometimes feel I am settling for "good enough", that in the long term, sex won't be so important, and I will be satisfied with what I have. I am just kidding myself though, because life is too short for all that. I could die tomorrow for all I know... any one can, and when I look at it that way, I realize that if not for my son, I would die VERY unhappy and LONELY. Not lonely in the fact that I do not have a man at my side, but lonely in my soul for the deep INTIMATE not just sexual connection that is lacking in my life.
09/03/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I voted I don't know. He has so many positives but so many negatives. I've been married 24 years.

Postives:
-tall
-good looking
-jaw-droppingly bright
-we're extremely compatible when we're on vacation or away ... more
I can totally understand how you feel Tuesday, there are times I would have sworn I would never have chosen my husband again. We've been together sincve we were 15 and we are both 40 this year. We've been through mental breakdowns, the recovery from years of abuse as children and everything else under the sun.
We have worked HARD to get where we are now...and I'd choose him again but I have no bad feelings for people who wouldn't say the same. For years i said I wouldn't leave him now but I'd have done it all differently and probably walked away from him. So ya perspective changes over time. Mental illness and poor sex life would wear on even the saintliest saint.
09/03/2010
Contributor: silversnowleopardess silversnowleopardess
I would definitely, absolutely choose my husband again, no question or reservation. <3
09/06/2010
Contributor: TechyDad TechyDad
There are times when I wish I could go back in time and tell my young self some of the things I've learned since then so I could avoid mistakes I made or problems I had. Then I think that even a single change could mean that I wouldn't meet my wife or have my 2 boys. So now I'm glad I'm not being given a chance to do it all over again because, if I was, I'd want to do everything exactly the same way I did it the first time and doing everything the same way twice would be too much pressure for me.
09/15/2010
Contributor: FVWhitechapel FVWhitechapel
The only think inherently, uh... wrong? I'd say, with the way I did things? Is that I was pregnant much too quickly (5 months after moving in together,) we got married much too quickly (17 months after moving in together,) we didn't have much time to grow as "just us" or get comfortable with living together as a unit before we were thrust into this crazy, high stress life. I think, based on the problems we have now, we could have really stood to do some growing together and learning about one another before diving in face first.

But that genuinely doesn't change the fact that I love him more than anything and I'm so happy we have a daughter together. We're just working our kinks out on this side of things instead! No one said I had to do things in the right order!
09/15/2010
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
with out a doubt would choose hubbie all over again
09/16/2010
Contributor: DeAnna DeAnna
I def would. hes so good to me.
09/18/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
I would choose my girlfriend a million times over. She's the most perfect person for me on the planet.
09/18/2010
Contributor: Madeira Madeira
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I really wish the people who think people with high sex drives, perhaps unusual set ups, many partners, and who love sex toys and "out of the ordinary sex" "can't love" and aren't able to settle down with a lover would be ... more
Well, I personally have an extremely high sex drive, and I do have multiple sex partners, but I have one relationship, one primary (and I absolutely respect and believe in poly peoples relationships being capable of being just as strong as any other) I'm sexually open, romantically monogamous myself, and I love my partner intensely, with a passion that could last a lifetime.
09/18/2010
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
I would choose him again and again and again.
09/19/2010
Contributor: iceman681 iceman681
this is so funny, cause meand my wife always joke about this. after every surgiey that she had (5) shed asked me "are you sure you want to stay with me?" and all 5 time's ive said yes.
09/20/2010
Contributor: Raggedy Andie Raggedy Andie
Yes I would definitely choose him again. He puts up with my BS and well, there has been a lot of that..heh.
He's really great with my daughter and I can tell he genuinely cares and loves us.
He's also willing to try things and puts up with my experimental nature. Yep, he's a keeper!
10/17/2010
Contributor: Phoenix713 Phoenix713
I'd do things differently in our relationship but I'd choose her all over again. She's my first and there couldn't have been a better woman.
11/03/2010
Contributor: SexyTabby SexyTabby
I would definitely choose hubby again but I do wish I had done some things differently.
11/03/2010
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
We have our issues but despite it all, I'd choose him again.
11/03/2010
Contributor: CS2012 CS2012
Our marriage has been tested with all kinds of health problems in the 4 years we have been together along with other challenging problems. We've had our good times and bad times. But, I would pick him all over again.
11/04/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
I would choose him again. Hell, I choose him EVERY DAY. At almost 4 years in, we've had our ups and downs, (and it is not perfect - but nothing is), nonetheless, I know that there is no one else for me. No one who connects with me like he does. No one more sincere. No one more loyal. I trust him completely. I am continually engaged with him, in conversations, changes, projects, ideas. He surprises me, makes me grow, makes me better. I would never give that up.
11/04/2010