The New Intimacy

Do You Fight or do you Fly?

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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
When it comes to hard times in your relationship, do you stay and fight the good fight, or do you throw in the towel and walk away.

And what if you have given your partner a few chances to get out, seeing that they are unhappy, but they won't, but on the same hand, they say they don't know where the relationship is going, yet they say they love you more than you know.

I've always been one to fight for what I love. Even if I am not getting the same amount in return. But when things are over, I know when I stay away.

What about you? Will you fight for something you believe can truly work out or will you walk away from it to save your own sanity?
03/11/2014
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Contributor: js250 js250
"As long as we make progress, I will stay. Once there is no progress or effort made to work thing out for the better--I will leave."

These are the words I said to my husband 12 years ago. Sometimes the progress was phenomenal, others very slow and took a lot of time....we were together for 17 years and I would not have missed one precious second! Our changes into being better people include behaviors many never conquer, we loved deep enough to make it work and to be happy.

He died on March 5th--my world will never be the same, but I am fortunate enough to have had him for that many years and am one of the very few that have had the love of their own, true soulmate and other half. Most people spend a lifetime trying to find theirs...
03/12/2014
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
When it comes to hard times in your relationship, do you stay and fight the good fight, or do you throw in the towel and walk away.

And what if you have given your partner a few chances to get out, seeing that they are unhappy, but they ... more
I agree with js250, I will fight as long as we move forward, but I will not spin my wheels for long. Depending on how long the relationship has been and the amount of life's experiences you've had together, for example raising a family, would influence how long I would be willing to wait without moving forward on the problem(s). If it's something big enough to break us up, then it's important enough to be working on or trying to get working on instead of coasting. I think we all have been reminded recently of how short life can be and so there is no time to waste on a road to nowhere. Then again, if you are still in love with someone, where else would you rather be, but with them? I think after a while of not resolving the deep conflicts or issues, you end up falling out of love anyway and then ending it. In my mind you fight for what you love and only leave what is intolerable and will never change, otherwise keep fighting. My sanity is better served being with the person I love and knowing we are working on things. It's better than being apart and pining for them. What's the point in being apart if you can't move on? And I could not move on if I still loved them (there is a caveat to that, namely any abuse).

Now, if things were for sure never going to change or it was a deal breaker issue such as abuse, I would leave. If not a deal breaker issue and but still a big issue and they still wouldn't fight, too, then that would tell me they didn't love as deeply as I do. Cold comfort to be sure, but one thing I know is that I deserve better. I have resolved myself not to waste my time and love on someone who can't give the same back to me. I am denying myself the chance to meet a better match, maybe even my soul mate if I am wasting time going nowhere with someone who won't fight, too.

PS, Please know, I am NOT comparing or commenting on your situation at all, I am only referring to myself. I don't want you to think I am implying anything in response to your situation because I know nothing about it and would never presume to tell you anything.
03/12/2014
Contributor: VAl0984 VAl0984
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
When it comes to hard times in your relationship, do you stay and fight the good fight, or do you throw in the towel and walk away.

And what if you have given your partner a few chances to get out, seeing that they are unhappy, but they ... more
Walk away
03/12/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I agree with js250, I will fight as long as we move forward, but I will not spin my wheels for long. Depending on how long the relationship has been and the amount of life's experiences you've had together, for example raising a family, would ... more
I like your PS, even though I definitely didn't take it that way at all, it is good to know that you are thinking of it like that.

It's such an odd place to be. Being stuck in this place where he says he loves me more than I know, yet also states how he doesn't know where he is in his life nor knows where the relationship is going.

Everything was actually looking up for the two of us until he went to the city to get his truck from the shop. He came back and was immediately thrust into family drama and then five days later started a new job that eats up 12-15 hours of his days with no days off. And on top of all of that, he is insanely insecure, confused about being bisexual, has untreated ADHD, and has inadvertently pushed away everyone that actually cares about him.

His father doesn't count because his father is a stubborn asshole that does nothing but insults him. And I see my boyfriend turn into this man from time to time. Not to me. But towards his sister. The one he is supposed to be caring for while their mother is in rehab.

He's never seen a working relationship in his life nor has he had one for himself. I am the only source of stable love and care he gets aside from his aunt. My heart wants to wrap him up and make it all better, but I simply cannot. Especially not when I take every hour of silence from him as personally as I do.
03/12/2014
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
seems I have to wait for the bitter end before I bail, unfortunately. it's such a time waster. and none of us has enough time to waste.
03/13/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
seems I have to wait for the bitter end before I bail, unfortunately. it's such a time waster. and none of us has enough time to waste.
That's kind of how I feel.

I always seem to wait until things are just... desperate. even though I know I don't have time to waste. I'm 25, I got other things to do than wait around.
03/13/2014
Contributor: SaraW0512 SaraW0512
I believe you just know. You can feel the connection deep in your soul. Follow your gut instinct, its usually right.
03/14/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by SaraW0512
I believe you just know. You can feel the connection deep in your soul. Follow your gut instinct, its usually right.
My gut instinct is even confused. For the most part, it pits when I think about actually... leaving. But then it also seems to realize that I could be staying for nothing.

So confusing!

I think I'm going to stay, though.
03/14/2014
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
It would all depend on what the problems are in the relationship. Some problems are easy to overcome while others are an uphill battle that consume more time and energy than a person has to give. Another factor is that both parties have to be willing to do the work. If only one person is working on over coming the problems then resentment can build up which will eventually destroy the relationship.
03/29/2014
Contributor: werewolf werewolf
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
When it comes to hard times in your relationship, do you stay and fight the good fight, or do you throw in the towel and walk away.

And what if you have given your partner a few chances to get out, seeing that they are unhappy, but they ... more
I think it comes down to knowing your limitations - whether it's something that can be fixed or not, whether both parties want to work on the issues involved... at the end of the day, life is short - if a relationship is toxic, you shouldn't be wasting your time and happiness stuck in a situation that's not fulfilling.
05/10/2014
Contributor: HouseWench HouseWench
My first instinct is usually just fly away, but that's anxiety more than ME. ~I~ tend to want to fight things out or at least figure out the problem.
05/11/2014
Contributor: MrClark MrClark
I tend to try to communicate openly with my partner regularly so when we do have disagreements they are only over small things. But I would rather stay and talk through the issues than run away from them...
06/13/2016