The New Intimacy

Do You Believe Sex With Other People In Front Of Your Spouse Is Still Cheating?

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Contributor: WetJenn WetJenn
My husband and I are in the process of possibly entering the swinging/swapping lifestyle. We have had alot of people say Well that is just cheating, you are a cheater.

We on the other hand feel that even if both people don't have sex with other people that it is not cheating, but different ways of play.

We also believe that once you go off alone and do something without your partner present or them not knowing about it at all beforehand (meaning you go sneak off and do it) you have crossed the line into cheating.

The lines and definition of this area of a relationship are fuzzy and everyone is different.

So What do you think?
11/10/2011
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Contributor: LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Quote:
Originally posted by WetJenn
My husband and I are in the process of possibly entering the swinging/swapping lifestyle. We have had alot of people say Well that is just cheating, you are a cheater.

We on the other hand feel that even if both people don't have sex with ... more
I agree with you, if both of you consent of fucking other people infront of each other or having 3somes or 4somes + then its not cheating but when one of you go off with out aproval of the other spouse then it is concidered cheating.
11/10/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
I agree that it comes down to consent. What you consider acceptable in your relationship is defined by you and your partner; it's not for others to set.
11/10/2011
Contributor: CreamySweet CreamySweet
Quote:
Originally posted by WetJenn
My husband and I are in the process of possibly entering the swinging/swapping lifestyle. We have had alot of people say Well that is just cheating, you are a cheater.

We on the other hand feel that even if both people don't have sex with ... more
You have to worry first about the terms of your marriage with your spouse. If both of you agree to what and who you are doing then its not anyones business to hang a title on you. Do what is right by you and your husband and no I don't think what your doing is in any way wrong or cheating.
11/10/2011
Contributor: WetJenn WetJenn
Quote:
Originally posted by CreamySweet
You have to worry first about the terms of your marriage with your spouse. If both of you agree to what and who you are doing then its not anyones business to hang a title on you. Do what is right by you and your husband and no I don't think what ... more
I completely agree, just was wondering how everyone else felt about it.
I understand people have different views about different things, not everyone is honest though. They can also be really judgemental. Its nice to see people with similar views.
11/10/2011
Contributor: Angelica Angelica
Cheating is a violation of trust. If both partners consent to switching partners and all is cool and not secretive or whatever, then its not cheating.
11/10/2011
Contributor: eeep eeep
Cheating is all about trust and the other person not approving. Especially if both people are involved in the act, or even present and simply watching, it isn't cheating in my mind. Simply another kink.
11/10/2011
Contributor: MelSC MelSC
What some people view as cheating is not the same thing that others view as cheating. This is something you both want to do and have obviously discussed, if neither of you view it as cheating then it is not cheating.
11/10/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
If both agree on the situation happening, then I don't class it as cheating.
11/10/2011
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
I agree. It's the whole consent thing. However, if one partner does agree under duress - like if they're worried about their partner leaving them if they don't agree - then that's cheating, too, in my book.
11/10/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I'm in agreement that if everybody involved is aware and ok with it, it's not cheating. If either person starts to lie about sexual activities where the other partner isn't there, that's cheating.
11/10/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I echo the echoes.

Don't let anyone tell you what you can/can't do in your bedroom (except for like laws and stuff).
11/10/2011
Contributor: WetJenn WetJenn
I completely agree with everyone. Now if you could all move to my town and become my neighbors. lol.
My neighbors look at me funny when I leave the house in a mini skirt. lol.

Some people are so close-minded it hurts me to see it.
11/11/2011
Contributor: Kilgorescowboy Kilgorescowboy
Not if known and agreed upon.
11/11/2011
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
Interesting point.
I think that as long as you both know about it, and are fine with, it's not cheating.
But if you guys start sneaking around, and trying to hide it or something, that's when it could be considered cheating.
11/13/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Quote:
Originally posted by WetJenn
My husband and I are in the process of possibly entering the swinging/swapping lifestyle. We have had alot of people say Well that is just cheating, you are a cheater.

We on the other hand feel that even if both people don't have sex with ... more
I partially agree with you. I agree that it's not cheating if your partner is watching or knows about it (regardless of whether or not he is there, or if if he knows about that particular encounter before hand).

Different relationships have different dynamics and rules. It only becomes cheating if you venture outside of those agreements. I think "cheating" is more about betraying your partner's trust than about acting outside of your relationship.
11/13/2011
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Cheating involved deceit, lying, and it being the decision of one party. That's my opinion anyways. What you are describing is not cheating, but you are no longer monogamous.
11/13/2011
Contributor: PleasurableThings PleasurableThings
The way my husband and I define cheating is "doing something you would not do if your partner was in the same room". We're emotionally monogamous.

If it's helpful to you, original poster, you don't have to think of "the lifestyle" as something you sign up to and then live your life by different rules. You can incorporate whatever types of play you feel right with into your existing life. For example, if you're out for dinner and drinks with another couple who are good friends, you could go home at the end of the night, or you could all play together if everyone is up for that, with a respect for whatever boundaries both you and the other couple have.
11/17/2011
Contributor: authorzero authorzero
This definitely isn't cheating. If you're both in on what's going on, than it's fine. Cheating is deception; a violation of trust. Clearly that's not what's going on in this case.
11/18/2011
Contributor: Raizer911 Raizer911
Surely nobody could judge whether or not it is cheating but those involved in the relationship. If you are both comfortable and consenting then how could it possibly be cheating.
05/19/2012
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
I don't think it's cheating if your spouse is in on it and agrees.
05/19/2012
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
Cheating is when you cross the established boundaries of the relationship. If you both agree to have sex with other people under certain circumstances then having sex with other people under those circumstances isn't cheating.
06/09/2012
Contributor: CaliGirl CaliGirl
Quote:
Originally posted by WetJenn
My husband and I are in the process of possibly entering the swinging/swapping lifestyle. We have had alot of people say Well that is just cheating, you are a cheater.

We on the other hand feel that even if both people don't have sex with ... more
I think as long of you are ok with it. Then it is not cheating at all.
06/25/2012
Contributor: Claire-Bear Claire-Bear
If you're both consenting to this situation, it's not cheating. Not even a little bit, unless you're concerned about religious rules.
06/25/2012