The New Intimacy

Can people in Long Term Relationships (LTR) have close friends of the same sex and not have it affect their primary relationship?

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Contributor: Bme Bme
I used to think that it was possible to have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex. However, I have come to realize that an friendship with another woman takes away from the emotional intimacy of my primary relationship. Having female friends is fine, just not really close female friends.

What do you think?
04/15/2013
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Contributor: Gunsmoke Gunsmoke
I agree. Any female friends that I have are actually my wife's friends. I don't live near here I grew up or went to college - so we started with a clean slate.
04/16/2013
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
I am inclined to disagree. The vast majority of my friends are male and it has no effect what so ever on my current relationship with my boyfriend. In the beginning he was a little uncomfortable by it but as he met my friends he became more relaxed and understanding. Hell for the first three years of our relationship I had a male roommate! A lot of my interests are more male dominated (gore flicks, death/black metal music and comics) so it easier for me to forge friendships with males than females. I was never into girly things and I find those types of conversations to be quite dull.

Most of these guys are like my brothers and I am their little sister. Even the ones who had a relationships with in past do not really cause any issues. All my boyfriend has said is he doesn't want to know which ones I might have slept with
04/17/2013
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
Your questions says SAME sex, but you say opposite sex in the thread.
04/17/2013
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
It's entirely possible to have close friends of both genders without taking away from your relationship. I've seen it work a rare handful of times, but most times it does fail
04/17/2013
Contributor: Ilmenskie Ilmenskie
I think it's absolutely possible but I guess it does depend on how your friends genders affect your relationship with them. I'm a bisexual man currently in a long term relationship with another man and both of us have close friends of many gender identities.

We can't get all of our emotional needs from one person and it's natural to seek out other close friends but if you don't feel like you can be completely platonic with someone of a sex you're interested in then that can definitely impact your relationship but otherwise there's no reason it shouldn't work out!
04/20/2013
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
I totally think that it depends on the person. I've always gotten along better with guys, though I do have my share of very close female friends. When my boyfriend and I met we were super close friends until we started dating, and most of our mutual friends were male.

On the other hand, I've never had any qualms about being attracted to the female form. I think that as long as you talk to eachother you should be fine, but again, it totally depends on both the person and the couple.
04/20/2013
Contributor: surreptitious surreptitious
(Review Program Mentor)
My partner and I are very secure in our relationship and have absolutely no problems having close friends of the opposite sex. I get along much better with males and have had far more close friendships (or even less-than-close friendships) with them than I have with females. I know that several of my male friends would like to sleep with or date me, but I'm open about it and tell my partner, and he doesn't have a problem with it. I mean, I also know that one of my female friends would like to be with me, so if the possibility of attraction was an issue, I simply wouldn't be able to have any close friends but my partner, and that wouldn't work for me (nor should it be an imposition on anyone else).

Despite the fact that we're currently long distance again, he trusts me absolutely and knows that though we have an open relationship agreement, I have no desire to be with anyone else either physically or emotionally. I would never be with someone who had a problem with me having close friendships with males, because I think that it's absolutely ridiculous to try and control people's friendships unless they're harmful or destructive. I know that at least one of my partner's female friends wants to date him, but he told her no and as far as I'm concerned, that's the end of it. If she has a problem with that, I trust him to deal with it. There may be some jealousy there upon occasion, but we're open about it and it has never been a problem.
04/20/2013
Contributor: oneeyedoctopus oneeyedoctopus
When things are going well with my boyfriend, I'm not sexually interested in other people. So I don't feel that my relationships with others get in the way. My feelings for them are wholly nonsexual.
04/29/2013
Contributor: karenm karenm
I don't think it's such a bad thing but I guess it depends. The relationship I have with my best guy friend is completely different than what I have with my partner.

And if I have to talk about something important, I would never talk to my friend and not to my partner about it. If anything, I would always talk to my partner about it and maybe sometimes talk to my friend about it. And he has no reason to be jealous and he knows it, so it works fine.

But if a guy friend starts to like you, that's when it gets weird. :/ I had to step back from one friend until he got over me.
05/01/2013
Contributor: friendswithfangs friendswithfangs
This question is posed at an... extremely limited group of people. But either way, I think it's entirely possible, though it might be hard for some people and it also depends on your situation.
You obviously should be closer to your partner, but I don't think having close friends of the gender(s) you're attracted to will inherently destroy your relationship. That seems silly.
05/05/2013
Contributor: Hummingbird Hummingbird
Quote:
Originally posted by Bme
I used to think that it was possible to have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex. However, I have come to realize that an friendship with another woman takes away from the emotional intimacy of my primary relationship. Having female ... more
I'm not sure what you're asking. I'm a woman, are you talking about having friends and in my case with another woman outside my relationship or same gender as my husband?
05/05/2013
Contributor: kdlt kdlt
I think yes! Especially in the case of someone that's bisexual: they probably have close friends of either gender. Would that really make an impact on their ltr? Should it? I'd say it shouldn't be an issue- and if it is, maybe someone has jealousy issues or the partner with the friends needs to learn how to set boundaries.
05/05/2013
Contributor: KatPawz2003 KatPawz2003
Yes, his best friend is female and it has not had any effect on us. She does happen to be the mother of his children though.

I am bi-sexual and the fact that I have friends of both sexes that I am attracted to has not had any impact on things between us. I love him and he loves me. We both know that and know that there is nobody that will come between us.
06/09/2013