Hello everyone!
That's the first discussion I've started on EF forum. I'm not really into asking for advice publicly, but some difficulties in my relationship have been making me extremely nervous, especially recently. I really like this community and believe that - probably - I can find some very helpful opinions.
Me and my significant other have been together for a year and a half and had known each other quite a long time prior to that. We have a trusting, warm, monogamous relationship. We haven't been attracted to other people a lot before and as for sex - we are each other's firsts. We both really value what we have, but one issue often disturbs me or even puts on the edge of breakdown. He does not see us together in the future. From time to time, when something stressful or bad occurs, when I confront him somehow, make him uncomfortable, he openly tells me, that maybe we should not be together. Although he admits that we are great together and he can hardly imagine anyone better than me, he worries that he'll give up and leave eventually and two or three years later would be even worse for me than now.
I guess I should provide some more background. He is 22 (I'm 21) and just finished University a year ago. He hasn't found a job he would like so far and just jumps from one place to another. He still lives with his parents, because can't afford to rent a flat, and my apartment is not an option as far as he is determined to be a man, try to live on his own for some time and achieve something by himself at first. He is also very very very indecisive and hesitant person - not only when it comes to relationships. Also I should admit that we both have very difficult personalities, dealing with some personal problems and crises all the time. Especially me, honestly. Probably, that is why we used to have too many conflicts before and still have them sometimes.
Everything began to be stable and enjoyable only 4-5 months ago. Yet still I press him too much sometimes, complain and fall into melancholy very often. Unfortunately, that's who I am due to many issues in my personal history. I'm working on that, he sees and appreciates all the progress, but obviously it's not enough. A few days ago he said: "I don't want to live all my life like that, being always pressed, dragged and pulled". I see that the must-do things for me here are to stop creating stressful situations, to be more independent, not to press him so much. It's obvious and I'm working on that. What I really would like to hear are opinions about this indecisiveness of his. How can I deal with that? Even if everything is great he still tends to worry about something and hesitate. When everything seems to be just amazing and I decide to talk about the future, he is very evasive or just honestly tells me that he cannot make any decision yet. I'm not sure if it's his age and thus inability to make a real commitment. Or is it just who he is - unable to live in a moment and not to fear? Maybe a personality crisis?? He changed his job a few days ago and - unexpectedly! - is going to Moscow to one of his favorite bands' concert. And didn't even asked me if I wanted to go
Please, any comments here would be helpful! Being so much paranoid as I am I'm going to die from a nervous breakdown sooner or later
That's the first discussion I've started on EF forum. I'm not really into asking for advice publicly, but some difficulties in my relationship have been making me extremely nervous, especially recently. I really like this community and believe that - probably - I can find some very helpful opinions.
Me and my significant other have been together for a year and a half and had known each other quite a long time prior to that. We have a trusting, warm, monogamous relationship. We haven't been attracted to other people a lot before and as for sex - we are each other's firsts. We both really value what we have, but one issue often disturbs me or even puts on the edge of breakdown. He does not see us together in the future. From time to time, when something stressful or bad occurs, when I confront him somehow, make him uncomfortable, he openly tells me, that maybe we should not be together. Although he admits that we are great together and he can hardly imagine anyone better than me, he worries that he'll give up and leave eventually and two or three years later would be even worse for me than now.
I guess I should provide some more background. He is 22 (I'm 21) and just finished University a year ago. He hasn't found a job he would like so far and just jumps from one place to another. He still lives with his parents, because can't afford to rent a flat, and my apartment is not an option as far as he is determined to be a man, try to live on his own for some time and achieve something by himself at first. He is also very very very indecisive and hesitant person - not only when it comes to relationships. Also I should admit that we both have very difficult personalities, dealing with some personal problems and crises all the time. Especially me, honestly. Probably, that is why we used to have too many conflicts before and still have them sometimes.
Everything began to be stable and enjoyable only 4-5 months ago. Yet still I press him too much sometimes, complain and fall into melancholy very often. Unfortunately, that's who I am due to many issues in my personal history. I'm working on that, he sees and appreciates all the progress, but obviously it's not enough. A few days ago he said: "I don't want to live all my life like that, being always pressed, dragged and pulled". I see that the must-do things for me here are to stop creating stressful situations, to be more independent, not to press him so much. It's obvious and I'm working on that. What I really would like to hear are opinions about this indecisiveness of his. How can I deal with that? Even if everything is great he still tends to worry about something and hesitate. When everything seems to be just amazing and I decide to talk about the future, he is very evasive or just honestly tells me that he cannot make any decision yet. I'm not sure if it's his age and thus inability to make a real commitment. Or is it just who he is - unable to live in a moment and not to fear? Maybe a personality crisis?? He changed his job a few days ago and - unexpectedly! - is going to Moscow to one of his favorite bands' concert. And didn't even asked me if I wanted to go
Please, any comments here would be helpful! Being so much paranoid as I am I'm going to die from a nervous breakdown sooner or later
