The New Intimacy

At what age did you first start wanting to have a child one day?

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Contributor: KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
Some people say they have wanted kids most of their life. Other people never have a desire to have kids, until maybe later in life, they start to like kids/want kids of their own. Most people have told me, once you find the right person, you will want to have children.

I'm just wondering EF, when did you realize/decide that you do or do not want children of your own at some point in your life? Did you never want children, then met someone who changed your mind, or do you still just not want children? Just a curious question, almost all my friends want children at some point (I'm only 22 I know I'm still young and don't have to decide now), but I don't. No offense to anyone, but I am not a fan of children.
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Growing up and even to now I pretty much always want(ed) children one day
19  (35%)
I used to never want children, but now I'm excited to have a child one day/now
8  (15%)
I never wanted children and I still never do
24  (44%)
I used to want children, but now I don't
4  (7%)
Total votes: 55
Poll is closed
12/25/2012
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Contributor: VioletMoonstone VioletMoonstone
Even when I was old enough to even think that I could possibly have children someday I never wanted to. I've never changed my mind about it either. I'm 24 and I'm pretty rock solid in the decision to live a child free life. I've been with my man for almost 7 years and we don't want children ever. Everyone says someday we'll change our minds but when I hear that it goes in one ear and out the other. They can say what they want but I know me and my boyfriend feel the same way. It's hard to explain, I just know it's the right choice for me and I'm really serious about it. We love quiet time, reading, traveling, shopping... I care more about baby animals than I do human babies. I don't find babies cute at all or have any desire to have any of my own. I find the whole pregnancy and birthing process pretty gross and... yeah, I'm really not interested in it at all. I've always been this way even when I was a young teen. I have no desire to make a family. I want a family with lots of furbabies. lol.
12/25/2012
Contributor: Gracie Gracie
I always wanted to be a mother, but it was around age 25 I got serious about making sure it happened.
12/25/2012
Contributor: AliMc AliMc
As a child I didn't want children, my mom brought me up hoping that I would have a great career and travel the world instead. But as I grew older I started to want children.
12/25/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
From 18-22ish I really wanted a baby, but my ex wasn't father material, so I didn't pursue it (thank God I was smart enough for that!) Thought I still wanted one, but I have so many mixed emotions. I think my motivation for wanting a child was my pathetic, unhappy childhood...which is the WRONG way to think. I don't yet understand the *healthy* reasons why people decide to have a family, but making up for a childhood of neglect isn't one. Also, there are so many things in life I haven't experienced yet. I want a career, to travel, and advance my dressage (horse riding.) Pregnancy and childbirth are...terrifying to me. And young children are just annoying a lot of times. :-/ I would echo what some others have said, that I prefer animal "babies." I have decided the last couple of weeks that maybe I would be happiest living 'alone' with a slew of animals on a farm. After all, that is how I started off in life: left at home with my pets.
12/25/2012
Contributor: charmedtomeetyou charmedtomeetyou
(Review Program Mentor)
I always wanted to have little ones....even when I was a little one.
12/25/2012
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
Some people say they have wanted kids most of their life. Other people never have a desire to have kids, until maybe later in life, they start to like kids/want kids of their own. Most people have told me, once you find the right person, you will ... more
I've never wanted to kids but once in a while I do think how it would be nice to have one.
12/25/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I've always known I wanted to be a mom.
12/26/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
From the time I was a child, all I ever wanted to be was a Mommy! Now I'm blessed with three amazing daughters!
12/26/2012
Contributor: Intrepid Niddering Intrepid Niddering
Growing up, I knew that people were expected to one day get married and have children. So I just figured that's what I would do, too, because it's, "expected." I didn't know -why- I would have children.. I just was supposed to have children. It's the same with college. In high school, I stressed myself out trying to figure out what college to go to and what to major in because that's what I was supposed to do. I didn't know why I was doing it... I just had to do it.

At this moment in time, I don't want children. It's not that I hate kids, I just don't think I'd be a good mother. Why have children if I think I'm going to fail at being a good mother?
12/26/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
While growing up, I was always in the mindset of "I'll think about it when I'm old enough to do something about it."

Then I got old enough, and thought "Not right now, I have so much to do."

I had the attack of "baby crack" twice in my life - once when I was 28 and the next when I was 30, and both times ended within a week (the second time lasted two-and-a-half days).

I've never had the desire to have children. They are not part of my visions of my life, and never have been. I don't have a maternal instinct, and it's difficult to miss something you've never had, so it doesn't bother me as much as people think it should bother me. I had my tubes tied over a year ago.

Currently, I am experiencing pangs of "maybe I'm overthinking the whole thing and shouldn't have had the tubal", but that's just because I feel like I found The One, and he has his heart set on having his own children someday. So, he isn't The One for me. However, in the end, I don't regret having my tubal, as I've saved the soul of some kid from having me as a mother.
12/26/2012
Contributor: aluminummm aluminummm
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
While growing up, I was always in the mindset of "I'll think about it when I'm old enough to do something about it."

Then I got old enough, and thought "Not right now, I have so much to do."

I had the attack ... more
I used to think I really wanted to have kids. Part of it was how I was raised, but a big part of it was being closeted and having boyfriends who really pushed the idea onto me. I'm extremely certain now that I don't want to have children ever ever everrrrr.
12/26/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I never wanted a child when I was growing up. Even up until I was in my early 20s I didn't want kids. Like you, I'm not a big fan of them. When I met my husband my mind changed. I can't explain why, but I suddenly had an intense desire to have a child with him. We have one son and that's all we'll have. I can't see having more than one because pregnancy was difficult for me and raising one child is my limit I think.

I love my son more than anything. I don't know what I would do without him. He makes my life worth living and he's the best thing I've ever done. However, I'm still not a fan of other people's kids. Or kids in general, really. I just like *my* kid. I feel bad because he'll be wanting friends to come over soon and just...ugh. I don't wanna deal with someone's kid that's not mine. lol We have friends with a son around his age and when they come over it exhausts me. Their kid also isn't all that well behaved, so that may be part of it.

Basically - Love my kid, not so much other kids.
12/26/2012
Contributor: Sera26 Sera26
I've never wanted a child. I grew up around a lot of children (my nieces and nephews are around my age) so I felt like I'd already raised kids. However my fiance is interested & now I've been considering it in the future. I'm almost 30.
12/26/2012
Contributor: Winifred Winifred
I never wanted kids, but now I have one. I love him, but I would have never planned to have a baby.
12/26/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I had always wanted kids. I used to do a lot of babysitting. I am glad I waited though I had my son at 22 and my daughter at 33. While girls I went to high school were popping them out left and right. Back then that was not for me. I wanted to finish school first. Now I look at some of my friends and they have way to many kids. I am fine with the two I have.
12/26/2012
Contributor: LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
As soon as the concept of actually living a different life from the one that everyone talks about occurred to me, I loved the idea of not having kids ever.
12/26/2012
Contributor: evie.amor evie.amor
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
Some people say they have wanted kids most of their life. Other people never have a desire to have kids, until maybe later in life, they start to like kids/want kids of their own. Most people have told me, once you find the right person, you will ... more
I never wanted kids until a few months ago. I'm 22, I think it's because my SO and I have been together for a few years and I'm feeling really comfortable with him. I also just got off the pill last year (after being on it since I was 15), so my body's finally left alone to do it's own thing hormonally, I'm thinking this might have something to do with it too.
12/27/2012
Contributor: kitty1949 kitty1949
Having kids really isn't one of my life goals.
12/27/2012
Contributor: woodsdragon woodsdragon
I have always wanted to have children...to the point where I don't think my life would be complete without at least one. It would be a huge regret if I never have kids and was an important factor in relationships that I was in. Not wanting to have kids was a deal breaker for me. I can compromise on how many kids but want at least one. I am recently married and once we are financially stable (which I hope and pray is soon) we plan to start trying
12/28/2012
Contributor: BrittaniMaree BrittaniMaree
I didn't think I could get pregnant at 17 and boy I was wrong that dumb ass thought "it will not happen to me" shit it ended up happening dang it had my first 7 days after I turned 18 and had another at 21 I am done now got the 10 year birth control and very happy with it
12/28/2012
Contributor: misskat misskat
I didn't want children for a very long time but I am starting to warm up to it...we're still a few years away from being at that point but I think it has a lot to do with my partner because I know what an incredible father he will be.

He's older than I am so he is a little more ready to settle down..but we both have some growing to do.
12/28/2012
Contributor: ARPKasso ARPKasso
I've always wanted a child, and still do.
12/31/2012
Contributor: mjtheprincess mjtheprincess
Oh I want babies soooo bad. I want to be a mommy and have a family and raise crazy children who I love dearly =D I've always wanted them too. Family is so important to me, and I feel like I would love motherhood. I love kids and so does my man =)

However, I totally respect those who don't want babies =) It's just not for everyone!
12/31/2012
Contributor: butts butts
Never. I have no desire and have never had a desire to have children, I'm just MISSING those instincts or something. I can't stand kids! I've become a bit more open to the idea of TOLERATING a child that we adopted in 10 years or so, but as of right now? Sounds like hell.
12/31/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
Some people say they have wanted kids most of their life. Other people never have a desire to have kids, until maybe later in life, they start to like kids/want kids of their own. Most people have told me, once you find the right person, you will ... more
I never wanted children and I still never do
12/31/2012
Contributor: novanilla novanilla
Your question was really centered on birthing our own kids, or at least that is how I read it, so I answered with never. Maybe when I was 6 and I thought everyone did it, but when I started thinking for myself more I realized I never wanted to have my own children.

I love children, but I would rather adopt kids out of foster care when they are 5+ because they otherwise are unlikely to get adopted. I work in education and will probably be going to get a masters in social work with a focus in kids so I think I'll be prepared to handle the baggage those kids can come with, and I feel a societal duty to help people less privileged than myself especially since I am capable of doing so.
12/31/2012
Contributor: KinkyKrissy KinkyKrissy
Just read through all the posts so far and I have to say WOW! Thanks everyone for all your posts and comments they are interesting to read. One of the problems I"m having is I can just never see myself ever wanting a kid. It's not even the pregnancy part, it's the having the kid I have to raise after part. The guy i'm currently dating (we only just started so I know it's early), but I know he really wants kids someday because he is the last male in his line and he likes kids.

If you like someone and don't have the same opinions on kids, should you just end it there, or hope someone changes their mind? I am 99% positive he would never change his mind, but I can't imagine myself either, but like I said, i'm 22 so it's still early.
01/06/2013
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by KinkyKrissy
Just read through all the posts so far and I have to say WOW! Thanks everyone for all your posts and comments they are interesting to read. One of the problems I"m having is I can just never see myself ever wanting a kid. It's not even ... more
I'm in the same situation, so I can feel your pain (my guy is also the last male in his family and really likes kids). C and I talked about it and simply decided to continue to have a relationship and see where it goes. He's in no hurry to have kids, so that helps. However, it is going to have to come down to him if he thinks I'm worth giving up having his own kids or having them is important enough to him to give me up. (This is complicated by the fact that he decided back in high school that he wanted me to be the mother of his children someday.) This is a little nerve-wracking for me, to be honest, as I do want a future with him ...

You're quite young, so you have a lot of time. Just see where it goes, and don't have any expectations - and don't try to convert each other. It only makes resentments if you try to change each other's minds.
01/14/2013
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
I dont want kids anymore
01/14/2013