The New Intimacy

I need help- Non-verbal communication.

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Contributor: Dragon Dragon
I need help with non verbal communication on sex. The discussion tonight involved me saying (about a specific example...) that "you're just dense." Him saying, "you need to work on your non- verbal communication to make it more obvious. (Not in that order!)

Anyone had trouble with non-verbal communication during sex, and what did you do?
01/04/2009
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Contributor: Beautiful Dreamer Beautiful Dreamer
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
I need help with non verbal communication on sex. The discussion tonight involved me saying (about a specific example...) that "you're just dense." Him saying, "you need to work on your non- verbal communication to make it more ... more
I've only had problems with verbal. My partner doesn't say much and it worries me. So I've gotten pretty good at picking up on his non-verbals.

We're dorks & talk about sex like the next day. What felt good, what didn't, if something was "off", if someone wasn't comfortable with something (but not to the point they didn't mind continuing).

Talking the next day takes us out of "the heat of the moment", so we don't get in an argument over something silly.
01/04/2009
Contributor: Dragon Dragon
Sigh. Thanks Beautiful. I need some help here. I really wasn't subtle when I moved him away three times, yet he got the message that "I liked it." I've told him that I want to talk about sex the next day. Not the heat of the moment, when it will interfere with the mood. Doesn't happen.
01/05/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
Sigh. Thanks Beautiful. I need some help here. I really wasn't subtle when I moved him away three times, yet he got the message that "I liked it." I've told him that I want to talk about sex the next day. Not the heat of the ... more
Why does it not happen? Do you forget? Are you not enforcing the fact that you want/need to talk?
01/05/2009
Contributor: Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Why does it not happen? Do you forget? Are you not enforcing the fact that you want/need to talk?
I'm guessing my reply got lost...

Because sometimes you give up. After trying so many times. Some times you know that change has to come from someone besides your self- otherwise it's just your own words. At some point you accept what is. Rather than repeating yourself, sometimes it's better to love and accept what actually is.
01/05/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
Sigh. Thanks Beautiful. I need some help here. I really wasn't subtle when I moved him away three times, yet he got the message that "I liked it." I've told him that I want to talk about sex the next day. Not the heat of the ... more
Just be more forceful. If it's nonverbal signals he wants then give them in a big way. I mean if you move him away, really move him away. There's nothing wrong with having a firm hand especially if your partner tells you afterwards that you weren't clear enough.
01/05/2009
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
Eh I posted a huge comment but it disappeared.

I was saying that you can use non verbal cues to help him out. Over exaggerate parts you like and stay still for parts you don't like. That way you're not frustrating him by pushing him away and both of you (over time) will learn about and be happier pleasing each other.

I feel like an idiot sometimes moaning too loudly or whatever - but somehow that always signals him to keep doing just that and we have always a happy ending
01/05/2009
Contributor: Nashville Nashville
Quote:
Originally posted by Airlia
Eh I posted a huge comment but it disappeared.

I was saying that you can use non verbal cues to help him out. Over exaggerate parts you like and stay still for parts you don't like. That way you're not frustrating him by pushing him ... more
Get silent- if you don't like it then don't MOAN AT ALL- don't even let him hear you breathe and barely move around. I've often moaned on things I'm not crazy about which my husband thought was encouragement and he kept doing it. I rolled my eyes and immediately he knew that it wasn't as good as he thought it was. Also, let your eyes glaze over and get that bored look on your face or the "I'd rather be washing dishes" look- that should help/

Get SUPER loud if you love it, flail around--- BIG GESTURES! Sex can be a production, live it like you would if you were on stage.
01/05/2009
Contributor: Airlia Airlia
Quote:
Originally posted by Nashville
Get silent- if you don't like it then don't MOAN AT ALL- don't even let him hear you breathe and barely move around. I've often moaned on things I'm not crazy about which my husband thought was encouragement and he kept doing it. ... more
Lol soooo true! And guys pick up on the exaggerations VERY quickly.
01/05/2009
Contributor: Firemeup Firemeup
I lose the ability to speak under certain forms of stress, and arousal is one of them. (That was always rather a problem in school, since the teacher would think I was refusing to answer. sigh.) So we ended up working out hand signals - a squeeze for 'do that harder' and putting my hand up for 'stop' and so on.

Sometimes explicit directions just work better.
01/29/2009
Contributor: Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme) Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Are loud screams classed as 'non-verbal?" They often indicate: "Your hands are COLD!"
01/29/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Champagne and Benzedrine (Roland Hulme)
Are loud screams classed as 'non-verbal?" They often indicate: "Your hands are COLD!"
LOL,

With my partner we are just straight forward.

In the circumstances where we use non-verbals, I use the same one's as sleeping dreamer. If I am not in the mood, my partner will sense it and ask me what is wrong. If he doesn't get my non-verbals I tell him flat out I want to change positions/stop.

I am not a yeller or make big gestures though (only when I orgasm), so I make a simple on stage show If I make big gestures I might hurt myself
01/30/2009
Contributor: Dragon Dragon
Quote:
Originally posted by Naughty Student
LOL,

With my partner we are just straight forward.

In the circumstances where we use non-verbals, I use the same one's as sleeping dreamer. If I am not in the mood, my partner will sense it and ask me what is wrong. If he ... more
At least your partner "senses it." My partner doesn't get a gentle shove- three times! And the verbal, "stop touching my..." doesn't exactly help the mood.
02/01/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
Quote:
Originally posted by Dragon
At least your partner "senses it." My partner doesn't get a gentle shove- three times! And the verbal, "stop touching my..." doesn't exactly help the mood.
Maybe you should talk about it openly at an appropriate time while you aren't having sexual relations.

For example (use your own words if you like) you can tell him " You know, when I slightly shove you during X position it means X and I don't ask you to stop verbally bcs I don't want to upset the mood"

Maybe that will help open his eyes and open the discussion to deeper probing. I think bringing it up could stimulate him in terms of being more attuned to your needs, and that will help him satisfy you in a way a goddess needs to be satisfied.

Good luck with that.
02/02/2009
Contributor: Naughty Student Naughty Student
If he thinks you are not good with your non-verbals maybe you could work out a plan with him of what your non-verbals mean and get him to respect that. That way he won't be able to say he doesn't understand them.
02/02/2009