The New Intimacy

Does your parter love your toys too?

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Contributor: LLmama LLmama
I've got a good sized collection of toys that I use solo most of the time. MY husband never reaches for toys during sex or forplay.

How can I get him to play with them more, with me? Does your partner love your toys or not care one way or another?
07/13/2012
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Contributor: Taylor Taylor
Do you ask him to use them with you? Just let him know that it would really turn you on to incorperate some of the toys next time. Be sure to praise and encourage him when he does use them since it may not come naturally and it may take him a couple of times to get the hang of it.

My partner loves using then on me, he sees them as tools that make me have stronger orgasms.
07/13/2012
Contributor: MnK MnK
From a guys point of view sometimes toys intimidate us. Especially the big vibrating ones! haha. Also, most of the toys don't help guys at all. What types of toys do you have? Maybe you could get some couple toys
07/13/2012
Contributor: leanright69 leanright69
I love my wifes toys. No intimidation. It was my idea to acquire and use toys. Took her a while to get comfortable with the idea, but now she enjoys as much as I do. She still will not use them solo, but we are working on that. Encouragement is the best advise.
07/13/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
Sorry you have this problem as well.

My husband doesn't like my toy collection at all. He blew up at me the other day when I got two new packages in. One from UPS and one from USPS. Only 1 item in each package

The only thing he likes from here are massagers for his back, some bullets that can tickle and please, and my rain of love g-spot cream, but not for the intended purpose.
07/13/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
My husband loves my toys. He uses them on me pretty much every time we have sex. I think the only time he ever got mad was one night I had a solo session and passed out when he had wanted to have sex that night. Oops.

In terms of getting him involved, sit down and talk to him. Tell him how much it would turn you on to have him use them on you. It may just be that he doesn't know you want him to use them. If he's intimidated, assure him that they aren't a replacement, but a tool to use together. I think my husband would be less accepting of my collection if we didn't use them together, actually.

There will be some guys that just don't accept a toy collection. I know unfulfilled who posted above has that issue. If that turns out to be the problem, I really don't know what a solution is.
07/13/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
My husband enjoys using the toys on me.

He'll often pick out which toys he wants to use and puts them under his pillow to pull out at the right moment.

He also often tells me when to grab my Wahl so I can have my first orgasm. Sometimes I'm waiting and waiting and he makes me wait, working on me with his hands and his cock and his tongue and some other toys, driving my crazy with his love. He'll often tell me what he wants to see me do with the toys, or just grabs them himself and goes to work!

My best advice is to talk to him about it. There is NO reason for him to be "intimidated" ; by a hunk of silicone! He should want you to have pleasure and he and the toys can work together to bring you pleasure. Discussing it, while you are NOT having sex at the moment will help.

My Man bought our first toys and they were his idea.... at first. So, I had little trouble with his accepting them.
07/13/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Sorry you have this problem as well.

My husband doesn't like my toy collection at all. He blew up at me the other day when I got two new packages in. One from UPS and one from USPS. Only 1 item in each package

The only thing he ... more
Hon, he does realize (if I understand this properly) that you were not even having orgasms before you brought toys into your sex life?

What does he say when reminded of that fact?

I wish there were some way to take these guys who feel "intimidated" and shake them until they got it. Talking probably works better. *sigh* But, I just find it sad that some men are so fragile that they would rather their women go without pleasure than have to make some "adjustments" in their sex life. "Massagers for HIS back" tells us a lot. It looks like his pleasure is OK, but yours takes a back seat. What dose he say when this is brought up?

I wish you only the best and a lot of luck. It's so frustrating to ME, and it's not even my issue. I'm sorry he's being so childish.
07/13/2012
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
My boyfriend is pretty apathetic. We have a few couples toys, but I still can't get him to use our Tantus ring, and he isn't thrilled with the Zini Deux that I got for us. I don't really mind him not liking them. *shrugs*

He likes the lingerie, though!

I second you sitting down and talking to him. Explain WHY you want to use them together, and see where it goes from there!
07/13/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by MnK
From a guys point of view sometimes toys intimidate us. Especially the big vibrating ones! haha. Also, most of the toys don't help guys at all. What types of toys do you have? Maybe you could get some couple toys
I'm a little confused. You said Also, most of the toys don't help guys at all. Hmmm. My Man sees my pleasure and my orgasms as helping BOTH of us. He also understands that my pleasure is just as important as his. He'll give oral sex until his tongue bleeds (not that that happens, it just shows the lengths he'll go to) so he introduced sex toys into our lives when a hormonal issue I was having was making orgasm difficult for me.

I need to ask, MnK, when you are using a toy on your woman, and she is getting off on what YOU are doing to her with the toy, and she climaxes like crazy, doesn't that do something wonderful for you? Isn't her pleasure (along with your own) the key to your wanting to have sex? My husband says he'd rather watch me have an orgasm than have one himself. Not that he doesn't like orgasms, he's a pig for them. But, he understands that I need intense sensations to come, and although he provides about 80% of those sensations himself, I often still need toys to get to that difficult orgasm.

Even if I didn't, they bring a lot of pleasure to both of us.

Have you tried masturbation tubes? What about P Spot toys? There are a LOT of toys (including porn) that guys can get off with, too. If you both had toys, it might make it easier to accept hers. Does that make sense? Toy have brought My Man and I closer. Maybe it could do that for you and your woman.

07/13/2012
Contributor: AriaRN AriaRN
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
Do you ask him to use them with you? Just let him know that it would really turn you on to incorperate some of the toys next time. Be sure to praise and encourage him when he does use them since it may not come naturally and it may take him a couple ... more
I second this! I am going to try this with my man too
07/13/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I'm a little confused. You said Also, most of the toys don't help guys at all. Hmmm. My Man sees my pleasure and my orgasms as helping BOTH of us. He also understands that my pleasure is just as important as his. He'll give oral sex ... more
Yeah, I'm gonna second this. My husband really enjoys bringing me to orgasm. Sometimes I have to beg for him to actually have sex with me because he's gets so into making me cum with the toys. When he uses those, he gets to watch me squirm and moan and when we're having sex he doesn't get as good of a view. I'm always saddened with men who don't find as much enjoyment in their woman's pleasure.

On the flip side, I am the same with my husband. I am happy to do activities that please him and make him feel good. Even things that don't give me actual physical pleasure give me sexual and emotional pleasure because of how he reacts to them.
07/13/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
Do you ask him to use them with you? Just let him know that it would really turn you on to incorperate some of the toys next time. Be sure to praise and encourage him when he does use them since it may not come naturally and it may take him a couple ... more
This!

Be vocal and express what you want. Otherwise they aren't going to have a clue as to what you want them to do.

My partner loves my toys especially when I play and lick them clean. I do shows for him and he pulls out the camera to record sometimes. Maybe try something like that and talk to him during. Say things like Why don't you come here and give me a hand? And when he does moan and show how excited you are! That will help show you love it and want him to do it more!
07/13/2012
Contributor: LLmama LLmama
Quote:
Originally posted by Taylor
Do you ask him to use them with you? Just let him know that it would really turn you on to incorperate some of the toys next time. Be sure to praise and encourage him when he does use them since it may not come naturally and it may take him a couple ... more
Wonderful answer! Thank you!
07/13/2012
Contributor: LLmama LLmama
Quote:
Originally posted by MnK
From a guys point of view sometimes toys intimidate us. Especially the big vibrating ones! haha. Also, most of the toys don't help guys at all. What types of toys do you have? Maybe you could get some couple toys
Bullets & clit vibes, rabbits (solo usee) and we've tried a few cock rings!
07/13/2012
Contributor: LLmama LLmama
Quote:
Originally posted by unfulfilled
Sorry you have this problem as well.

My husband doesn't like my toy collection at all. He blew up at me the other day when I got two new packages in. One from UPS and one from USPS. Only 1 item in each package

The only thing he ... more
Aweee! I'm so sorry your hubby is that way. My husband doesn't really get mad, he's just like " really? Another one?" and doesn't take interest in using them. He used to, actually when we we're first married, he was deployed and he suggested getting something. Then, the more I enjoyed it the more it seemed he didn't. Now I always feel awkward when he catches me on EF! lol

Out of curiosity, how is the G-spot cream? Does it work well (for it's intended use) and what does your husband use it for? My guy doesn't mind lubes, lotions or any of that kind of stuff. He knows I like it slippery as it can get!
07/13/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
Mt husband and I play with ourselves, solo and each other together with our toys. He has some I like to use on him and same with my toys. I find it is more fun when one of us suggests switching off to play and tease.
07/13/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
He doesn't love them, but have no objection using them on me.
07/13/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by LLmama
I've got a good sized collection of toys that I use solo most of the time. MY husband never reaches for toys during sex or forplay.

How can I get him to play with them more, with me? Does your partner love your toys or not care one way or ... more
We have ALWAYS both loved toys...long before being together. We shop for them TOGETHER. Have your hubby sit here, at the computer and shop WITH YOU. Make it a fun, sexy event. Suck on him while he chooses a toy for YOU to use on HIM!!! Then let him play with your girlie parts while he uses his other hand to shop for a toy HE wants to use on YOU (totally HIS choice). MAKE IT FUN. Believe me, HE will come around to loving toys, if you want.
07/13/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Beck
This!

Be vocal and express what you want. Otherwise they aren't going to have a clue as to what you want them to do.

My partner loves my toys especially when I play and lick them clean. I do shows for him and he pulls out the ... more
Very nice. We do the same sort of thing sometimes, but mostly, since we shop together, when a toy comes, we have been waiting anxiously to try it out, together!!!
07/13/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
Yeah, I'm gonna second this. My husband really enjoys bringing me to orgasm. Sometimes I have to beg for him to actually have sex with me because he's gets so into making me cum with the toys. When he uses those, he gets to watch me squirm ... more
When having "non toy" sex, use the video camera..then he CAN see you "squirm and cum". We do that all the time, for fun.
07/13/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
When having "non toy" sex, use the video camera..then he CAN see you "squirm and cum". We do that all the time, for fun.
We do that, too.
07/13/2012
Contributor: Lavendar Lavendar
I used to use my toys solo before I met my guy, and I got him into sex toys for him and toys in general. He loves it so much, we usually incorporate toys into foreplay most of the time.
07/13/2012
Contributor: wdanas wdanas
Toys are almost always incorporated into foreplay, so yes, he definitely loves them too. He only has a mild interest in specific men's toys for himself, though. I keep thinking to get one of the Tenga items as a gift at some point.
07/13/2012
Contributor: LLmama LLmama
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
We have ALWAYS both loved toys...long before being together. We shop for them TOGETHER. Have your hubby sit here, at the computer and shop WITH YOU. Make it a fun, sexy event. Suck on him while he chooses a toy for YOU to use on HIM!!! Then let him ... more
That sounds amazing to me, I just dont think he would be up for it!
07/13/2012
Contributor: konicaguy konicaguy
Quote:
Originally posted by LLmama
I've got a good sized collection of toys that I use solo most of the time. MY husband never reaches for toys during sex or forplay.

How can I get him to play with them more, with me? Does your partner love your toys or not care one way or ... more
I love my wife's toys... of course I bought them all for her and convinced her to try them at first.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Lioncub Lioncub
My husband bought our first toys. He is on here and chooses about half of what we order. He is perfectly okay with me using them or us using them together.
07/15/2012
Contributor: LaSchwartz LaSchwartz
not really. But he still is ok with me using them.
07/15/2012