The New Intimacy

Serious question for the UNDER 30 group.

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made inquiries and according to the folks in HIS office, he is not married, gay, or even attached. A few think he "assumes that a girl as cute as you is attached", since he has mentioned this "cute girl" in the other office.

SO....she is torn. SHOULD SHE JUST ASK HIM OUT....point blank, or keep dropping the "hints" that she is available???

What does this generation think of it? We are older and twenty years ago, NO girl would easily ask a guy out like that...but today???? What say you?
07/28/2011
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Contributor: ThoughtsAblaze ThoughtsAblaze
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
I would say that she should ask him out, but you're in the workplace. And whether we like it or not, we still have to be careful about office relationships. I would suggest that she invite him out to participate in a group event--preferably with other people from work, but it could be with her personal friends. That way, she has an opportunity to interact with him outside of the office environment. If there's a connection, then these casual, platonic outings could evolve into something for just the two of them.
07/28/2011
Contributor: CSEA CSEA
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
She could ask him out, but be careful in the workplace. maybe a group out for drinks and invite him. see how things work from there
07/28/2011
Contributor: PiratePrincess PiratePrincess
I think she should ask him out. If she didn't feel comfortable asking for a real date, then maybe something simple like coffee
07/28/2011
Contributor: Anjulie Anjulie
Quote:
Originally posted by PiratePrincess
I think she should ask him out. If she didn't feel comfortable asking for a real date, then maybe something simple like coffee
Agreed.
07/28/2011
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
totally ask him out. why not?

having guts is sexy. and pussy-footin around benefits no one. (but the buildup it creates can be explosive when it finally happens)



p.s. i'm 25


07/28/2011
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
From a guys perspective (and I am 29 , I know that there were a few girls that I have asked out that were absolutely beautiful that to my absolute shock said yes. I asked several of them later on why is a beautiful girl like you single and they always said the same thing, "I have no idea". I personally have found that some men (myself included) will write off a girl thinking they are too good for them without even giving it a shot, even if the girl is dropping hints. Actually my wife dropped all sorts of hints she wanted to go out with me when we first dated and I just never thought of it that was because of how beautiful she was. Some guys think well although I would do anything to go out with her she would never even entertain going out with me. He could very well be very into her but thinking she probably wont be into me.
07/28/2011
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
From a guys perspective (and I am 29 , I know that there were a few girls that I have asked out that were absolutely beautiful that to my absolute shock said yes. I asked several of them later on why is a beautiful girl like you single and they ... more
And two last things, ask him out but make it in a public place with lots of people so its not obvious. Get him out of the work environment and feel him out, BUT... Keep in mind if that ever goes south a work involved relationship that has gone bad sucks in every way.
07/28/2011
Contributor: Acorn Acorn
I agree that she should ask him out. Many men can be really sociable but not so great at asking people out on dates.
07/28/2011
Contributor: southern woman southern woman
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
OMG! My husbands best friend has been doing the same thing to this cute girl in our church.. she has been making it SO obvious that she likes him its almost sad.. they are always together and Im pretty sure she's to the almost irritated point.. but he just cannot believe that a girl like her would even be remotely interested in him, and he will not listen when we tell him that she's so into him. He keeps saying he's going to ask her out but still hasn't and this has been going on since right after christmas! I dunno! Sometimes I think I ought to tell her to just go up and lay a fat one on him or something, and other times I wanna just hit him! lol
07/29/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
Ask him out to something more casual. A cup of coffee or something.
07/29/2011
Contributor: null null
I think she should ask him out. Although I tend to wait for him to ask, that's just personal preference.
07/29/2011
Contributor: exploringthechimera exploringthechimera
I don't think the gender rules apply anymore. Ask him out at worse you get a no, then move on. As long as there is no work conflict I say go for it.
07/29/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'm 31, so I hope this counts...

Generally, men suck at picking up hints. It's best to be direct. I agree with IT guy up there too.

My other thoughts:
Don't shit where you eat and don't fuck where you work.

This has been a great guideline to live by!
07/29/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
The old dating co-workers scenario, huh? I think it's probably not a very good idea but there are a ton of successful marriages that started out as a business relationship.

She should ask him out and maybe tread very slowly in the beginning. I would hate for her reputation to be ruined in the office if things didn't work out and the guy turned out to be a Grade-A jerk. Know what I mean, Vern?
07/29/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
Just do it! Worst that can be said is no. No big deal!
07/29/2011
Contributor: froggiemoma froggiemoma
yep just ask him out
07/29/2011
Contributor: Diabolical Kitty Diabolical Kitty
Just ask him out and get it over with.
07/29/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
Ask him out all the way! Before he moves on!
07/29/2011
Contributor: Jaimes Jaimes
Ask him out! That poor guy is probably like most nice young men, oblivious that anyone could possibly be flirting with them. I had to hit my husband over the head with a club to make him realize I liked him.
07/29/2011
Contributor: SiNn SiNn
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Very nice young lady in my office deals with a young man in another nearby office, daily. She really wants him to ask her out. He flirts with her like crazy, in a nice way, but has NEVER asked her out...even for lunch or coffee.

She has made ... more
yeah she should it is 2011 chicks should ask men out if they think theyhave a chance
07/29/2011
Contributor: SexyStuff SexyStuff
Maybe for coffee or drinks, but that would be the first and last time. I'm a strong convert to the "He's Just Not That Into You" camp.
07/29/2011
Contributor: Tori Rebel Tori Rebel
I'm 28 and I almost always do the asking out, or at least the initial approaching. I get approached as well, but generally by men my own age that I don't tend to date. I tend to go about 15 years older than myself (it just works for me), so even if those men are interested, a lot of them think I wouldn't be because of the age gap.

But the workplace thing - it's not impossible but it's definitely something to be cautious with.
07/29/2011
Contributor: GravyCakes GravyCakes
i'm 22, & i think she should as him out. lets face it, dropping hints is the worst thing you can do considering that guys never pick up hints. not unless they're REALLY obvious hints. she should just ask him to go get a coffee sometime or have lunch. i have a friend who was the 1st to call a guy after their 1st date. he said that if she hadn't have called him that they probably wouldn't be together b/c he was so shy.
07/29/2011
Contributor: MusMusculus MusMusculus
I don't ask girls out, i like it when they ask me out
07/30/2011
Contributor: Joie de Cherresse Joie de Cherresse
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I'm 31, so I hope this counts...

Generally, men suck at picking up hints. It's best to be direct. I agree with IT guy up there too.

My other thoughts:
Don't shit where you eat and don't fuck where you work. ... more
Well said JR!!
07/30/2011
Contributor: M121212 M121212
Absolutely she should ask him out if interested!
07/30/2011
Contributor: MaryExy MaryExy
If the guy works in another nearby office, is he actually part of her office? If not, I don't think the work relationship thing really applies...?

If she wants a one-on-one date specifically, she could try hinting at a movie pretty easily, or maybe start talking about some cool restaurant/cafe ("oh, you haven't been there? we should go sometime!") If he doesn't do the actual asking, I think she'd be fine just asking herself.
07/30/2011
Contributor: Ms. Spice Ms. Spice
i wouldn't date anyone i work with just because i've seen all the nasty drama that can spout from it... remember, whoever this is has to face them everyday whether things are going hunky dorry or shitty. but if she still ignores this fact, then she should ask him if he wants to get drinks or go to a movie or something like that.
07/30/2011
Contributor: southern woman southern woman
Ask some friends that are a couple to the movies, and then ask him if he'd like to be you're "date" and go with you and you're friends to the movies cuz you dont wanna be a "third wheel." That way its not SO obvious and you can go on a "date" with him, but still give him the chance to ask YOU out.
08/01/2011