Every man I have ever been with has had the same level of interest in sex as I do, except this one. I seem to want sex much more than he does, and he's not very open to trying new things. We're both in our early twenties, and very open minded people for the most part. We have a loving relationship, and get along great! Toys are such a big part of my life, and his inhibition in the bedroom is really putting a damper on my sex life (with a partner that is- my solo sessions are still fantastic). I just don't know whether he is intimidated by them, or has just been psychologically conditioned to think they are taboo. I try to ask him, but he just gets noticeably uncomfortable & changes the subject. Does anyone have any advice on how to ease him into being comfortable with using sex toys?
New boyfriend reluctant to try sex toys
03/05/2009
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Quote:
Does he like porn? If so, you might buy or rent something that has couples using toys.
Originally posted by
Machina
Every man I have ever been with has had the same level of interest in sex as I do, except this one. I seem to want sex much more than he does, and he's not very open to trying new things. We're both in our early twenties, and very open
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Every man I have ever been with has had the same level of interest in sex as I do, except this one. I seem to want sex much more than he does, and he's not very open to trying new things. We're both in our early twenties, and very open minded people for the most part. We have a loving relationship, and get along great! Toys are such a big part of my life, and his inhibition in the bedroom is really putting a damper on my sex life (with a partner that is- my solo sessions are still fantastic). I just don't know whether he is intimidated by them, or has just been psychologically conditioned to think they are taboo. I try to ask him, but he just gets noticeably uncomfortable & changes the subject. Does anyone have any advice on how to ease him into being comfortable with using sex toys?
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03/05/2009
Yes, he likes porn, but he's not too into watching it together. Says it makes him "uncomfortable." :/
03/05/2009
Don't overwhelm him with multiple toys. Suggest you choose one and invite him to watch you masturbate as a preparation for the next scene....he fucking you.
Some guys feel that toys may replace them or show that they are inadequate sexually..
Some guys feel that toys may replace them or show that they are inadequate sexually..
03/05/2009
I'd suggest choosing something non-threatening as well. I know my husband really dislikes the realistic-colored toys for dildos and vibes. As long as it's a fun color he enjoys them.
03/05/2009
Thanks, you are all probably right that I came on too strong with my toy collection I'm going to tone it down for a while, and I'll let you know how that goes.
03/05/2009
Keeping communication open is important in any relationship. Maybe even just dropping hints and easing your way into conversation about it would be good.
03/11/2009
Depending on where you guys live, you should consider possibly going to a adult store together. not one of those weird "porn stores" that make you feel dirty, but a store that has a little bit of everything. I've had a lot of customers that were apprehensive when in there alone, guys would be uncomfortable usually. But if you both pick out something together, he may be more accepting of it. You could get him something too, for whenever he's alone =)
03/11/2009
Definitely keep the lines of communication open! At first it sounded strange to me that he feels uncomfortable watching porn with you because when I suggested watching porn together with my hubby he was ecstatic! Then I thought about it and perhaps he's intimidated that he is not as large as the guys in pornos or can't last as long. Maybe that's what makes him uncomfortable......
When you are able to introduce something new to him, make sure to use constant reinforcement that it is not a replacement for him because maybe he's afraid you might like toys more than him too.....
You could always give him a few drinks to open him up a bit more to the subject. That is if you are both of age of course! Maybe his tongue will loosen a bit under the influence? That seems to work well for a lot of us around here. =P
Either way, good luck and I hope things work out!
When you are able to introduce something new to him, make sure to use constant reinforcement that it is not a replacement for him because maybe he's afraid you might like toys more than him too.....
You could always give him a few drinks to open him up a bit more to the subject. That is if you are both of age of course! Maybe his tongue will loosen a bit under the influence? That seems to work well for a lot of us around here. =P
Either way, good luck and I hope things work out!
03/11/2009
I am by far no expert on this subject, but here are a few things that I immediately thought about after reading your post.
01-Take it very slow, or you might run the risk of making him even more uncomfortable if he feels pressured.
02-Maybe pick up some porn for him to watch when he is alone, where there is a lot of toy usage, as this may warm him up to the idea of using toys, or even begin to fantasize about it.
03-A possible way to break the ice might be to start out small with something that will introduce him to the outside possibilities of using toys. Maybe he would be into trying a basic cock ring. A lot of the time a simple cock ring can add pleasure and sensation, without really being too prominent. Put it on and forget about it.
04-Maybe you could start out with some non-sexual items that are geared more towards a romantic setting such as massage oils, candles, ect.
Most likely if you can penetrate the wall of communication, the physical aspect will most likely fall into line.
01-Take it very slow, or you might run the risk of making him even more uncomfortable if he feels pressured.
02-Maybe pick up some porn for him to watch when he is alone, where there is a lot of toy usage, as this may warm him up to the idea of using toys, or even begin to fantasize about it.
03-A possible way to break the ice might be to start out small with something that will introduce him to the outside possibilities of using toys. Maybe he would be into trying a basic cock ring. A lot of the time a simple cock ring can add pleasure and sensation, without really being too prominent. Put it on and forget about it.
04-Maybe you could start out with some non-sexual items that are geared more towards a romantic setting such as massage oils, candles, ect.
Most likely if you can penetrate the wall of communication, the physical aspect will most likely fall into line.
03/11/2009
Tell him about how all your previous partners liked using toys.
05/13/2009
Quote:
@ Nick: LOL, I don't know if that will be helpful. Although, it might make him feel competitive (as most males are considering they are conditionned that way by western culture)and try everything and even more, ha ha ha who knows maybe it could work.
Originally posted by
Nickisonehere
Tell him about how all your previous partners liked using toys.
"@ Machina: My man isn't very open to sex toys at all, he wouldn't admit that he feels intimidated by them but in a sense he , he feels that toys are not neccessary in a healthy relationship and refuses to even use a gorgeous pocket pussy I got for him (if I had a penis I would use it everyday - maybe I should get a strap on to make use of it). I use my toys mostly alone and I have no realisticly shaped dildos and I try to chose things that won't make him feel upset. One day he might be more at ease but for now I try to make purchases that don't displease him but that satisfy my needs regardless.
It might take some time for him to be comfortable with your passion for toys. It might be very tricky to cope with it but I think what is important is to not impose yourself on him, be patient and respect that he is uncomfortable. Someday he will probably come around once he is less uncomfortable but he will have to do it on his own without pressure. Adding pressure is likely to backfire. Ease him in slowly but don't repress your needs to please him though, Good luck!
05/13/2009
I too have this problem. I know he's intimidated by them, and the fact that he comes from such a conservative family probably contributed to his thinking toys are bizarre and bad. I bought a cock ring and we still have yet to use it, but he said that he'll try it. It's a start! I think I threw things out of wack though because I bought this one secretly, i didn't think he'd see it but he did. That might throw us back a couple months if he doesn't forget about it.
05/23/2009
I guess I'm one of the very lucky ones. I found out not long after I bought my first bullet that, for my man, sex toys were a major fantasy. Me using them, him using them, using them together, using them on each other, the works. I wasn't so lucky on other subjects, like bondage, which we had to ease into very very VERY slowly. Gentle flogging was the hardest. He immediately rejected the idea and changed the subject whenever I even HINTED at it. So, I changed tactics. One day when we were taking a nap on the couch together, I pretended to wake up from a dream, and did the whole sleepy "I just had the craziest dream..." and described my fantasy (in mild, gentle terms). Then, still "half asleep," I mentioned that it was really sexy. Then I went back to sleep. It planted the seeds in his head that it was a sexy fantasy, not a hardcore terrifying bloodfest. Something along those lines might help plant the idea that toys could become ok in his head, in a non-pressuring way.
05/23/2009
Total posts: 14
Unique posters: 12