The New Intimacy

Kink and Vanilla - Does it Work?

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Contributor: Envy Envy
So I'm somewhat in a conundrum and was wondering what typically happens in this instance....

If you're kinky and have a lot of fetishes you want to try, but hook up with someone who's not kinky at all, a total vanilla with a closed mind and refuses to try ANYTHING new... how likely is the relationship to last if at all? Is anyone in this situation? How likely are things to change, or is it doomed from the start?

Share your experiences with this if you've gone through, or am going through, this!
10/06/2011
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Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
So I'm somewhat in a conundrum and was wondering what typically happens in this instance....

If you're kinky and have a lot of fetishes you want to try, but hook up with someone who's not kinky at all, a total vanilla with a closed ... more
sounds like alot of work maybe you can teach them or train them on some things like I want to be spanked hard don't be afriad if I say harder just do it and let the person practice until they can be comfortable...maybe just keep doiong things like that until it works out IDK lol

I know there are some helpful books one on EF that I saw called when someone you love is Kinky. Maybe you should ask Nina Hartley?
10/06/2011
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I've dated vanilla guys and it never really worked out for me. I felt sexually unsatisfied. I tried training them up but it's very hard to change who someone is in bed, you know? If someone is super uncomfortable doing something all the coaxing in the world isn't going to make them any different. I found even if I could get them to try something I could tell they weren't into it and then that would kill it for me. I appreciated the effort from the ones that at least tried but it's supposed to be a joint experience.

Maybe some people can make it happen but I never had any luck out of the few times I tried.
10/06/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
Only if both sides are willing to make some compromise- but I suppose that's just like every other facet of a relationship.
10/06/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
So I'm somewhat in a conundrum and was wondering what typically happens in this instance....

If you're kinky and have a lot of fetishes you want to try, but hook up with someone who's not kinky at all, a total vanilla with a closed ... more
Sounds like a formula for lack of happiness on BOTH parties parts. Long term relationships are based on MUTUAL enjoyment. Part of that, especially VERY long term relationships is SEX and if you guys are not compatible...well, it can lead to some very great frustration, unhappiness, cheating..etc.

Some may say "the other person may learn"...which ASSUMES the vanilla person will learn to love kink. Could happen, but how likely? How about the Vanilla person expecting the KINKSTER to become a "missionary sex, under covers, in the dark, once every two months...maximum" person? Do you REALLY think that would make anyone happy???

The odds of failure in any relationship are already high. If your avatar "GOTH" even hints at the real you, and you already describe the other person as "CLOSED MIND and REFUSES TO TRY ANYTHING NEW" (your words), rather then just "they have not experienced things...", don't you think YOU have really said it all????

Sure, there may be some aspects of this person you find alluring, and maybe it IS they are such a tight nut to crack (a challenge), but do BOTH of you a favor and find the RIGHT person to make YOU happy and you to make THEM happy...with who you REALLY are and with what you REALLY like.
10/06/2011
Contributor: Kkay Kkay
My partner was extremely vanilla to start with, but our sex life has opened up over time. I'm happy with the point we're at right now, where I have a fresh batch of rope sitting on my desk and orders to be in cuffs when he gets home from his trip tomorrow. It's taken awhile to get here, though.
10/06/2011
Contributor: Envy Envy
I see it's a mixed bag, depending on the person. I guess I should keep an open mind myself (Yes, I'm the kinky one) but don't be surprised if it turns out to be a fruitless endeavor. And my kinks aren't so much bondage and spanking as it is pegging, egg play, etc.

Thanks you guys.
10/07/2011
Contributor: MissK680 MissK680
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
So I'm somewhat in a conundrum and was wondering what typically happens in this instance....

If you're kinky and have a lot of fetishes you want to try, but hook up with someone who's not kinky at all, a total vanilla with a closed ... more
If this person is not open to trying new things, I'd say it's doomed from the start.
10/07/2011