The New Intimacy

What should I do? My ex is threatening suicide to keep me in the relationship.

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Contributor: Nissa Nissa Nissa Nissa
We've broken up a few times and gotten back together, mainly because he threatens to kill himself whenever we break up. Is there anything to do or am I stuck in the relationship? I don't want to ignore it and then something bad happen but I feel like I'm being played.

This is an LDR. Not sure if that matters.
01/20/2013
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Contributor: satinlady550 satinlady550
Quote:
Originally posted by Nissa Nissa
We've broken up a few times and gotten back together, mainly because he threatens to kill himself whenever we break up. Is there anything to do or am I stuck in the relationship? I don't want to ignore it and then something bad happen but I ... more
Ok, it sounds like he is using the threat of suicide to keep you emotionally trapped. You are never stuck in a realtionship. I was emotionally blackmailed by my ex-husband and let me tell you it only get worse as time passes. If you know that the realtionship is over and you do not want to continue it, then you need to move on. Don't be guilted into staying with someone because they have emotional issues and can't deal with their life. Most likely, he isn't serious because most people who want to commit suicide won't let anything stop them.. Best wishes in what you decided.
01/20/2013
Contributor: Khanner Khanner
Just remember that if something bad happens, it is ultimately his choice. If you want to help him, Direct him here. If he is truly feeling suicidal because of a breakup, he needs help. Remember that you can help people who are considering suicide without being in a relationship with them. But if you feel like he's playing you and he's wasting your time, there's nothing wrong with saying that you are not a professional and can't help him.
01/20/2013
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by Nissa Nissa
We've broken up a few times and gotten back together, mainly because he threatens to kill himself whenever we break up. Is there anything to do or am I stuck in the relationship? I don't want to ignore it and then something bad happen but I ... more
Tell people around him know what's going on and make the decision you want. I wouldn't stay in the relationship just to keep someone else happy.
01/20/2013
Contributor: Nissa Nissa Nissa Nissa
I've told a couple of his friends about it already. It might not be entirely because of the break up but I feel like it's one of those things he does to keep me around because as soon as I give in I don't hear about it.

It's my mistake for staying in a relationship that just doesn't work. I feel entirely to blame but I can't stay and be unhappy.
01/20/2013
Contributor: married with children married with children
I would call some people who can help him, and then move on.
01/20/2013
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I would call someone that was able to help him. Also I would keep very far from him. He may just be saying he is going to harm himself but he may try to harm you as well. There are to many people out there these days killing themselves and their spouse of relationships.
01/20/2013
Contributor: CaseyDeuce CaseyDeuce
I was in a similar situation with my exhusband. Call the authorities, get out, move on. Do NOT allow this person to BULLY you into sticking with him. Its just not fair and its not worth it.
01/20/2013
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Contact his family, he needs help.
01/20/2013
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
I would call his family or maybe the police if you believe he will act on this. His feelings are not your responsibility. Don't let him manipulate you into staying in an unhealthy situation
01/20/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
Believe me, if he wants to commit suicide you being there or not is not going to change anything!! Trust me--if it is something he is going to do nothing will stop him.

Notify close friends and relatives of his intentions, inform the authorities if you believe he is serious--mandatory counseling through the state--and notify a crisis center to deal with him and to help you through the ordeal. Then get the Hell out of there!!! Change your email, phone number and other means of communication and rebuild your life!! You deserve to be happy!!1 Hugs--if you need to talk I am here.
01/21/2013
Contributor: Aisling Aisling
Quote:
Originally posted by Nissa Nissa
I've told a couple of his friends about it already. It might not be entirely because of the break up but I feel like it's one of those things he does to keep me around because as soon as I give in I don't hear about it.

It's my ... more
You are in no way to blame. What he's doing is controlling, manipulative and possibly abusive. You're under no obligation to stay in this relationship because of it, either, and it sounds like you really want out. If he starts to threaten that he'll harm himself again then a good idea is for you to contact the authorities where he lives and let them know he's threatening suicide. If he's just doing it to be manipulative, it'll shut him up hopefully. If he really is suicidal, then he might get the help he needs.

Either way it's incredibly unhealthy and a serious red flag for worse things. Get out of it, contact the authorities and cut off contact with him. You deserve happiness and a good, healthy relationship, with someone who treats you well.
01/23/2013
Contributor: mjtheprincess mjtheprincess
I agree in all ways. Attempt to steer him towards help, but know that his choices are his choices and it sounds a lot like he is just trying to play you. I had a guy do this to me once...and it wasn't long distance...and it was ridiculously scary because he was actually a little crazy. Needless to say he is still alive, and just got out of jail...But, I dealt with the issue be giving him a final statement about how he needed help, how the relationship wasn't healthy, and if he had ever had feelings for me he would realize how badly he was hurting me. Then I wished him the best. And then, I called my phone service company and I had his number permanently blocked from my cell phone. When he persisted to try to contact me from other phone numbers I ended up getting a no contact order on him. Hopefully it won't come to that for you, but just know you aren't stuck, and you deserve someone way better!
01/23/2013
Contributor: novanilla novanilla
That's abusive behavior and likely just an attempt to control you. You can give him resources, but you should not feel trapped. It is understandable that you do not want to be to blame for the loss of life, but this is often just a ploy by controlling people who want to take advantage of their partner's sympathy.
01/23/2013