The New Intimacy

HPV Relationship

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Contributor: BomberJack BomberJack
Community,

I'm male, 26, a virgin and have met a woman that I've clicked with like no other, on a very deep level. We've been dating a month but it feels like we've known eachother for 10 years. She makes me very very happy.

She is very honest and upfront and related to me that she has HPV and beat cervical cancer two years ago.

This has depressed both her and I since we might never have a sexual relationship/long term relationship together. She really is not taking it well...She even went as far as to get re-tested today at the her doctor. Heck, I'm not taking it well either...

Does anyone have any similiar stories and or advice they could offer to two people in this situation?

Appreciate everyone taking the time to read this.

-Jack
01/22/2013
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Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Well, since HPV is actually many strains, knowing which one she has is a good start. Mine has no symptoms, so in some situations I may have unprotected sex because it's low-risk. Assuming her HPV caused the cancer, I understand why you'd be worried, but if you were serious about a long-term relationship, then you would need to determine whether you would want to risk her passing it you and potential future partners. I know for me, personally, that's a risk I would take with the right person, but condoms seem to be more effective at preventing the pass of HPV -to- women.

Of course, condom usage and minimized contact with breakouts would be recommended by your doctor and the CDC: link

It doesn't mean you won't be at risk because skin contact is enough, but it certainly minimizes the risk.

And there's always other activities. I am a huge fan of mutual masturbation, dry humping, phone sex, etc. As you're on a sex toy site, there's options there.

You're in a tough spot, and I empathize. Good luck.
01/22/2013
Contributor: Bleu Bleu
I agree with the post above! A lot of good points were made. I would go to the doctor/lab and see what strain she has then talk to a professional about it even before engaging in other sexual activities because the wrong fluids in the right places can put you at risk. Protection and all are a must but def. go see a doctor before you put yourself at any kind of risk. I'm sure she would be heartbroken if she gave you anything dangerous.

Show her your support, most of all. Show her you wont give up on this relationship and will keep trying for the sake of both of you but don't be sex hungry and pressure her (you don't seem like that kind of guy but it's a warning). If you can be her "rock" in this situation then she wont break down and will stay strong for you! You might be able to see a sex specialist to get other safer sex tips for the two of you when the situation is resolved of it's a super special case.

But there is no shortage of toys on Eden to help you pleasure her and to help her pleasure you just in case. It will be just as special, trust me.
01/22/2013
Contributor: BomberJack BomberJack
Quote:
Originally posted by Adriana Ravenlust
Well, since HPV is actually many strains, knowing which one she has is a good start. Mine has no symptoms, so in some situations I may have unprotected sex because it's low-risk. Assuming her HPV caused the cancer, I understand why you'd be ... more
It is the potential future partners I am worried about. I would hate to bring to another woman the hell that some guy brought upon her. If I "knew" that I would be with this lady for the rest of my life I wouldn't mind although the prospect of penile/anal cancer is always scary for high-risk HPV...but she beat it.

I very much appreciate your reply Adriana.
01/22/2013
Contributor: BomberJack BomberJack
Quote:
Originally posted by Bleu
I agree with the post above! A lot of good points were made. I would go to the doctor/lab and see what strain she has then talk to a professional about it even before engaging in other sexual activities because the wrong fluids in the right places ... more
She wants to go to the lab and get DNA blood work done but I feel like she's been through so much already that this is just creating more undue stress on her which is bad for her immune system and well you know how that goes...

I hear you on the sex-hungriness...I haven't had a libido in a week since we've been working through this.

Thank you Bleu
01/22/2013
Contributor: KissTheSkyBaby KissTheSkyBaby
I have to agree with both Bleu and Ravenlust on this one. Knowledge is deffinitely power with HPV. I know mine is also considered low risk. I do currently have unprotected sex with my partner but I have always been completely opened with him from day one.

I'm assuming her strain is of the high risk variety since cervical cancer was involved but if she really wanted to know there are tests available that can identify the exact strain. Here is a link that I find very informative on types. It tends to supports the stance that 70% of cervical cancer is caused by 2 strains in particular. HPV Types 16 and 18 NCI

I won't repeat Ravenlust condom and alternative play input but I really strongly agree with what she says.

Just be careful and try to remember, it's scary but in no way does it mean the end of anyones sex life.

Please let you lady friend know she is not alone and that if she ever wants someone to talk to my email is listed on my page
01/23/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by BomberJack
It is the potential future partners I am worried about. I would hate to bring to another woman the hell that some guy brought upon her. If I "knew" that I would be with this lady for the rest of my life I wouldn't mind although the ... more
If I "knew" that I would be with this lady for the rest of my life

No one knows that. It's a calculated risk one has to take in life in order to be happy. It doesn't make the situation suck any less, though.

I won't repeat what the other ladies have said, but I wanted to commend you for being so tactful about the situation with your friend. Admitting to having an STI is never an easy thing to do and I'm just really impressed that you're even considering a relationship. A lot of people would just turn tail and run.
01/23/2013
Contributor: imperialyellowdragon imperialyellowdragon
Quote:
Originally posted by BomberJack
Community,

I'm male, 26, a virgin and have met a woman that I've clicked with like no other, on a very deep level. We've been dating a month but it feels like we've known eachother for 10 years. She makes me very very ... more
jack I am happy for you. it seems that your smart enough to ask for help and listen. I wish more people were like you. I pray that everything has worked out for the both of you and you both are happy.
12/28/2013
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
I'm rather surprised that nobody suggested that this 26 year old male virgin get the HPV vaccine. I had my son vaccinated for HPV before he became sexually active. If this fellow really is a virgin then he in all likelihood has not yet been exposed to HPV so he would be an excellent candidate for that vaccine. Even if he isn't a virgin, so what get it anyway.
12/28/2013