I've been with the same guy for 6 years and considering leaving him, but I'm so scared to have to go back into the dating world at 31. I lean towards just staying in an unhappy, but comfortable relationship because it's safe!
How hard is dating after 30?
06/09/2012
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That was my excuse for much of my marriage - I'd rather be comfortably unhappy than go through the hell of being put on parade and my teeth checked - and then sent to the glue factory because of never measuring up. I decided the marriage was more painful.
Now that I've been separated and divorced for almost three years and having dipped into the dating thing now and again, it's not really painful. It just seems there are more expectations and less options. In our early thirties, it's all about "gotta start the family now", which works against me (I don't want a family and guys my age do - or worse, they expect me to want a family so they don't bother). This is where networking for dating is a better idea, since friends will know friends who are divorcing or changing directions in their lives, plus you can get a character reference that way.
My suggestion is to take some time off from relationships (yeah, like we all want to hear that) and enjoy your Me Time and have time to recover from the long-term relationship; ending a six year relationship is going to have an effect on you, even if you are relieved that it's finally over.
(In all honesty, I hate dating.)
Now that I've been separated and divorced for almost three years and having dipped into the dating thing now and again, it's not really painful. It just seems there are more expectations and less options. In our early thirties, it's all about "gotta start the family now", which works against me (I don't want a family and guys my age do - or worse, they expect me to want a family so they don't bother). This is where networking for dating is a better idea, since friends will know friends who are divorcing or changing directions in their lives, plus you can get a character reference that way.
My suggestion is to take some time off from relationships (yeah, like we all want to hear that) and enjoy your Me Time and have time to recover from the long-term relationship; ending a six year relationship is going to have an effect on you, even if you are relieved that it's finally over.
(In all honesty, I hate dating.)
06/09/2012
I can't say if the 'grass' would be greener on the other side of the fence, but I would think a person should be HAPPY in their life rather be unhappy. You should consider your well-being first and foremost! There may be others who will offer better advice than mine, but that is how I feel.
06/09/2012
I really appreciate your comments. I'm having a hard time trying to figure it out and DO consider all things said. A part of it is I know it will deeply hurt him and affect his life as well and he's one of my best friends, but relationship wise there is nothing to hold onto.
06/09/2012
I am not over 30, but I can tell you I got a divorce from my incredibly unhappy marriage, after 6 years also. I stayed with him because I was convinced that no one could "put up" with me, or love me for all of my weird quirks and my sometimes abrasive personality. I can be a sweetheart but I am also sarcastic in my humor, and he had me convinced no one else would put up with it much less APPRECIATE it....
Leaving him was tough. I landed in the hospital multiple times for anxiety attacks and it was HARD. But if I went back in time I'd do it all over again, with the knowledge that there WAS someone out there who found every single thing about me adorable, can throw my sarcastic comments RIGHT BACK AT ME and spar in that way (which is all in good fun for us, since we have the same sarcastic sense of humor) and I love how happy my NEW hubby has made me.
He was also in the same situation, he stayed with someone for several years because he didn't think he could find someone better, someone he really clicked with and who made him happy. I love all his weird personality traits and I think without them, he'd be super boring!
So that goes to show, settling is NOT the way, and you deserve happiness!
No matter what you choose, I wish you all the luck and love and support! But just know that if you aren't happy, there is someone out there who will make you happy!
Leaving him was tough. I landed in the hospital multiple times for anxiety attacks and it was HARD. But if I went back in time I'd do it all over again, with the knowledge that there WAS someone out there who found every single thing about me adorable, can throw my sarcastic comments RIGHT BACK AT ME and spar in that way (which is all in good fun for us, since we have the same sarcastic sense of humor) and I love how happy my NEW hubby has made me.
He was also in the same situation, he stayed with someone for several years because he didn't think he could find someone better, someone he really clicked with and who made him happy. I love all his weird personality traits and I think without them, he'd be super boring!
So that goes to show, settling is NOT the way, and you deserve happiness!
No matter what you choose, I wish you all the luck and love and support! But just know that if you aren't happy, there is someone out there who will make you happy!
06/09/2012
Quote:
What an inspiring comment! Thanks!
Originally posted by
Peggi
I am not over 30, but I can tell you I got a divorce from my incredibly unhappy marriage, after 6 years also. I stayed with him because I was convinced that no one could "put up" with me, or love me for all of my weird quirks and my
...
more
I am not over 30, but I can tell you I got a divorce from my incredibly unhappy marriage, after 6 years also. I stayed with him because I was convinced that no one could "put up" with me, or love me for all of my weird quirks and my sometimes abrasive personality. I can be a sweetheart but I am also sarcastic in my humor, and he had me convinced no one else would put up with it much less APPRECIATE it....
Leaving him was tough. I landed in the hospital multiple times for anxiety attacks and it was HARD. But if I went back in time I'd do it all over again, with the knowledge that there WAS someone out there who found every single thing about me adorable, can throw my sarcastic comments RIGHT BACK AT ME and spar in that way (which is all in good fun for us, since we have the same sarcastic sense of humor) and I love how happy my NEW hubby has made me.
He was also in the same situation, he stayed with someone for several years because he didn't think he could find someone better, someone he really clicked with and who made him happy. I love all his weird personality traits and I think without them, he'd be super boring!
So that goes to show, settling is NOT the way, and you deserve happiness!
No matter what you choose, I wish you all the luck and love and support! But just know that if you aren't happy, there is someone out there who will make you happy! less
Leaving him was tough. I landed in the hospital multiple times for anxiety attacks and it was HARD. But if I went back in time I'd do it all over again, with the knowledge that there WAS someone out there who found every single thing about me adorable, can throw my sarcastic comments RIGHT BACK AT ME and spar in that way (which is all in good fun for us, since we have the same sarcastic sense of humor) and I love how happy my NEW hubby has made me.
He was also in the same situation, he stayed with someone for several years because he didn't think he could find someone better, someone he really clicked with and who made him happy. I love all his weird personality traits and I think without them, he'd be super boring!
So that goes to show, settling is NOT the way, and you deserve happiness!
No matter what you choose, I wish you all the luck and love and support! But just know that if you aren't happy, there is someone out there who will make you happy! less
06/10/2012
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Oh wow. That's a really big decision and I sure wish you the best in this. My partner and I have been together for 6 years too. We're still in our 20's though, I'm only 22. I can't say much about how dating is--I've not dated since my teens and am not 30. I can imagine it'd be tough if you've not been out there in 6 years, but surely not awful. Just have fun... wait, have you even left this guy yet!?
Originally posted by
Upyourreviews
I've been with the same guy for 6 years and considering leaving him, but I'm so scared to have to go back into the dating world at 31. I lean towards just staying in an unhappy, but comfortable relationship because it's safe!
06/10/2012
Quote:
If it's unhappy, then it's not comfortable, or it won't be given more time.
Originally posted by
Upyourreviews
I've been with the same guy for 6 years and considering leaving him, but I'm so scared to have to go back into the dating world at 31. I lean towards just staying in an unhappy, but comfortable relationship because it's safe!
I know people who've re-entered the dating pool at all walks of life: 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's — they all survived and are happier to have found someone special no matter what their stage of life. You can make a conscious effort to save your current relationship or leave it, but tolerating it will lead to regrets later on.
06/10/2012
I already have regrets that I gave him the rest of my 20s. :-( Still figuring things out but I appreciate all this support! You guys ROCK!
06/10/2012
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Dating at any age is hard, but is that really any reason to stay in an unhappy relationship?
Originally posted by
Upyourreviews
I've been with the same guy for 6 years and considering leaving him, but I'm so scared to have to go back into the dating world at 31. I lean towards just staying in an unhappy, but comfortable relationship because it's safe!
I'd much rather be single and happy, then unhappy but in a "comfortable" relationship. Besides, by staying in a relationship, you're pretty much ruling out any possibility of finding someone that truly makes you happy, as you're essentially "off the market".
Do what it takes to make you happy. Sometimes to find happiness it's essential to go outside of your comfort zone.
06/10/2012
I'm back in the dating pool at 32 (yes, I had to check to see how old I am).
It hasn't been bad, but I'd much rather just not.
I'll echo everyone else, if you're not happy, you're not happy. "Not Happy" in the short term is ok and understandable. "Not Happy" for a long time? Get out and move on with life before you have any more regrets...and never feel guilty or bad about doing something that builds you up.
It hasn't been bad, but I'd much rather just not.
I'll echo everyone else, if you're not happy, you're not happy. "Not Happy" in the short term is ok and understandable. "Not Happy" for a long time? Get out and move on with life before you have any more regrets...and never feel guilty or bad about doing something that builds you up.
06/11/2012
Well I told the guy I've been with for 6 years that I will be going on dates and it's choice if he wants to stand by. He doesn't want to lose me so he'll be seeing me once a week and understands I'll be dating AND will have to do something incredible to prove I should be his alone. I guess we will see how this goes? So far lots of guys asking to take me out but no one I'm interested in. Blah?
06/12/2012
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I'm not surprised. You don't have any closure with him yet. As I said, our options are more limited at this age (as the lucky bitches have already taken the cream of the crop), but keep digging and you'll turn up gold.
Originally posted by
Upyourreviews
Well I told the guy I've been with for 6 years that I will be going on dates and it's choice if he wants to stand by. He doesn't want to lose me so he'll be seeing me once a week and understands I'll be dating AND will have to do
...
more
Well I told the guy I've been with for 6 years that I will be going on dates and it's choice if he wants to stand by. He doesn't want to lose me so he'll be seeing me once a week and understands I'll be dating AND will have to do something incredible to prove I should be his alone. I guess we will see how this goes? So far lots of guys asking to take me out but no one I'm interested in. Blah?
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06/12/2012
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Hang in there, Mr. Right might be right around the corner, or maybe now that he's been given a push your current guy will step up his game.
Originally posted by
Upyourreviews
Well I told the guy I've been with for 6 years that I will be going on dates and it's choice if he wants to stand by. He doesn't want to lose me so he'll be seeing me once a week and understands I'll be dating AND will have to do
...
more
Well I told the guy I've been with for 6 years that I will be going on dates and it's choice if he wants to stand by. He doesn't want to lose me so he'll be seeing me once a week and understands I'll be dating AND will have to do something incredible to prove I should be his alone. I guess we will see how this goes? So far lots of guys asking to take me out but no one I'm interested in. Blah?
less
As a last resort, toss some ginger root at the guy you're interested in.
06/13/2012
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LOL I really need to find that enchantment!
Originally posted by
Petite Valentine
Hang in there, Mr. Right might be right around the corner, or maybe now that he's been given a push your current guy will step up his game.
As a last resort, toss some ginger root at the guy you're interested in. ... more
As a last resort, toss some ginger root at the guy you're interested in. ... more
Hang in there, Mr. Right might be right around the corner, or maybe now that he's been given a push your current guy will step up his game.
As a last resort, toss some ginger root at the guy you're interested in. less
As a last resort, toss some ginger root at the guy you're interested in. less
06/13/2012
LOL thanks! It's been a week and so far I just feel lonely and disgusted by single men, lol. I'm still hoping the current guy will finally come through for me and I can go back to being boring!
06/14/2012
i believe you need to follow your heart i wouldnt want to live a unhappy life for the rest of my life thats for sure, you only get one chance to live it so you mise well be happy
06/19/2012
Quote:
Never stay if youre unhappy. Dating is fun and it may be weird at first but that will change.
Originally posted by
Upyourreviews
I've been with the same guy for 6 years and considering leaving him, but I'm so scared to have to go back into the dating world at 31. I lean towards just staying in an unhappy, but comfortable relationship because it's safe!
06/21/2012
I tried dating for 2 weeks and all it did was depress me and make me feel uncomfortable. I have a severe panic disorder and disabled because of it, and can't do much either. I decided I would try to fix what I had and if that doesn't work, I'll learn to be alone.
06/21/2012
I'm not over 30 either, but my girlfriend is. For her, she found it somewhat exhausting, but I think as long as you don't go into it thinking you must find someone, it should be okay. Either way, I hope the decision doesn't deter you from leaving an unhappy relationship. Everyone deserves happiness, whether it's with someone else or not.
06/21/2012
Quote:
Thanks for commenting hun.
Originally posted by
Femme Mystique
I'm not over 30 either, but my girlfriend is. For her, she found it somewhat exhausting, but I think as long as you don't go into it thinking you must find someone, it should be okay. Either way, I hope the decision doesn't deter you from
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more
I'm not over 30 either, but my girlfriend is. For her, she found it somewhat exhausting, but I think as long as you don't go into it thinking you must find someone, it should be okay. Either way, I hope the decision doesn't deter you from leaving an unhappy relationship. Everyone deserves happiness, whether it's with someone else or not.
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06/23/2012
I'm 24 and I find it incredibly difficult at my age...
However, if you are unhappy, you shouldn't force yourself to stay in that relationship. If I'd done that, I'd probably be dead by now due to how abusive my ex was at times. Just remember that you are worthy of being happy and don't try to force yourself into another relationship so soon after a break-up. I wish you luck with whatever you decide, hun.
However, if you are unhappy, you shouldn't force yourself to stay in that relationship. If I'd done that, I'd probably be dead by now due to how abusive my ex was at times. Just remember that you are worthy of being happy and don't try to force yourself into another relationship so soon after a break-up. I wish you luck with whatever you decide, hun.
06/23/2012
Total posts: 22
Unique posters: 12