The New Intimacy

Do you like it when people you've only just met hit on you?

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Contributor: LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
I know a lot of people love it. I don't like it at all. I like to be complimented respectfully, but I feel like people are treating me as a lesser being when they go as far as to flirt with me when they don't even know me. I feel like they don't want to know me as a person, they just want to have sex with me.

I was raised without a gender bias, so I'm not really extremely masculine or feminine. I had mostly male friends growing up, and I like their companionship and friendship. But now that I'm an adult, they always seem to decide they want me and then things get weird. . . Especially seeing as how I'm a lesbian. o_O That being said, I don't like it when girls hit on me right away either. And if I'm not available, I don't ever want to be hit on.

If someone who didn't know me well talked with me and complimented my cool shoes or something and then said something about how they'd like to talk to me more and get to know me better, it'd go a lot further than, "Well you're hot as hell. Of course that band gave you their CD for standing in front. You know what they want." I was like, "Whaaat?" "Yeah. They're guys. I'm a guy." "What does that even mean?! -_-" That happened to me last night. It completely ruined my happy feelings about a nice bass player giving me their CD and thanking me for listening. Not to mention making me totally not want to talk to that other guy anymore. -_-

Please explain your opinions to me. I'm very interested in them seeing as how most people don't feel the way I do.
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
I love flirting and being flirted with, taken or not.
lovebites , Jesyra , Katzer , Ansley , Beautiful-Disaster , FantasyFanatic , WhoopieDoo , Bex1331 , padmeamidala , Artishok , *Camoprincess* , gsfanatic , swaggsohott12 , Passionate Mandi , Trysexual , Pink Lily , gorgeous , butts , Mertvaya , CloudySunday , kdlt , edeneve , MissCandyland , gloomybear , BiJess , BlooJay , Andrey2052 , Kate8 , FLIPxMODE , BigDawg , jr2012 , Bignuf
32  (48%)
I love flirting and being flirted with, but if I'm taken, stay the hell away.
Eva Schwaltz , sweetiejo , RememberMe , nova2014 , sillylilkitten , anon195
6  (9%)
I prefer it when people want to know me as a person first. After that, they can express their interest.
deltalima , Terri69 , solitudinarian , LoooveMonkey , XxXxX , Llewey , novanilla , darthkitt3n , GONE! , BG529 , PeaceToTheMiddleEast , Stagger13 , Nyx (Under the Covers) , Khanner , Genderfree , Deeder , brevado , AliMc
18  (27%)
Other.
K101 , unfulfilled , cicispizzaisyummy , Kitten has left the site , Vanille , malantha , Wonderstruck , DirtyAngel7 , Zombirella , hall5885 , mpfm
11  (16%)
Total votes: 67
Poll is closed
10/22/2012
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Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by LoooveMonkey
I know a lot of people love it. I don't like it at all. I like to be complimented respectfully, but I feel like people are treating me as a lesser being when they go as far as to flirt with me when they don't even know me. I feel like they ... more
I actually don't like it. I'm not sure why but I get irritated.
10/22/2012
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
I don't like it, but I generally prefer to take the lead anyway. When I do it I like to get to know the person first. I get the creeper vibe from guys who do it when they've just met me.
10/22/2012
Contributor: Eva Schwaltz Eva Schwaltz
Flirting as a single person is fun. I never expect that it will go any further. There are people I've met who try to push boundaries but for the most part I take it as a compliment.
10/22/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by LoooveMonkey
I know a lot of people love it. I don't like it at all. I like to be complimented respectfully, but I feel like people are treating me as a lesser being when they go as far as to flirt with me when they don't even know me. I feel like they ... more
I voted other because I don't want to be hit on at all. It's disrespectful and shows a total lack of character. Really. Number one: I don't want to be hit on period. I've got a partner. Number 2. Have some fucking respect! I don't mind friends agreeing with my partner when he calls me beautiful. That is a compliment! I don't mind people saying "you're so pretty." In fact, I'm very greatful for each compliment Im ever given, but to be hit on like I'm a damn dog or something to sex up infuriates me. There IS a difference between a compliment based on your looks and being hit on for what's between your legs.

Actually, I think what pisses me off about it is when men do it knowing my partner and I are together. That will get a dude nowhere, and I wouldn't ever speak to them again, I've had to go that far before. Most of them say "they couldn't help it, they had to tell me their feelings!" Really? You HAD to tell me you wanted to do *** to me?! No, you did not. Lol.

And whether or not someone knows I'm with my partner, it pisses me off if they treat me like a piece of disposable sex. An object. Like when a guy says "I'd so F you." That will never go over well with me, unless it is my partner saying it. It's rude, it's disgusting.

Sorry to hear your night was a little ruined over that. I agree with you. It's annoying. I had a minor thingy last night as well. Well, it was ALMOST a thingy until the guy realized my partner was in front of me! Lol. We were at a keg party for a friend who home from the military, we do it every year and this one guy showed up as we were leaving and bounced his happy ass right up all over me. I mean he was touching me he was so close. I knew what was coming, so I tried slipping away and he stuck out his hand for a hand-shake, so I backed down and was nice. Then he realized who I was! Lol. Everything was fine from there, but when I heard "Oooh! Hey girl!" as he walked up, my migraine started throbbing. lOL. I guess we both had bad nights last night.

If you can't control yourself or can't say it in a respectful manner, STFU. That is my opinion. Like I said, compliments are fabulous. I know a compliment from a dirty remark, you know? Plenty of our friends (opposite sex and same sex) compliment my partner and I without being rude. I mean, you can say words like beautiful, pretty, handsome without saying "I'd so fuck you if he/she wasn't sitting right there!" Lol. A big turn off.

You'd think people would realize that a lot of girls/guys are not going to take flattery to such a ...disrespectful "compliment."
10/22/2012
Contributor: LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Wow. It actually looks like a lot more people hate being hit on as much as me. I thought I was strange.

solitudinarian: I agree! I like to be the one who initiates if someone's going to.

Kendra: I like you, ma'am! XD I agree that it's disgusting when people hit on someone who's taken. I have to stop talking to people for that, too. -_-; In my poll, I meant after they get to know you if you're available. lol

Nerrrr. e_e I hate it when people invade my personal space like that!! It's good that he backed off when he saw that you were taken, but still. O_O That's no way to start up a conversation with a lady!

I don't think saying you'd fuck me is a compliment at all. I don't even like to think anyone would openly think that way about me without my permission!! lol! Can you believe some people think saying things like that is a good idea?

That jerk ruined my night because I felt like the band thought I was cool and they liked me for appreciating what they do, and he turned it into, they thought I was hot and were hoping for groupie sex. I don't like to be reminded that lots of guys disrespect women that way. I like to be treated in a completely unsexual way and a manner unbiased towards my gender.

When I met my boyfriend, he pretty much didn't acknowledge that I was even female. We talked and had fun together and I knew he wasn't going to hit on me and make me feel weird. I felt really comfortable and able to get close to him. A few months later, one of my friends committed suicide and I was talking to him after their funeral and he said, "I know you're sad, but promise you won't ever do anything to yourself please? It would hurt me really badly and I'd never forgive you." and that was the only way he actually implied anything. Of course later on when I decided I liked this concept, he did start hitting on me. XD But then it was okay. Great, actually.
10/22/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
I don't want to be hit on. I don't mind if my two best friends that are males tell me I'm beautiful, but some random person no.
10/22/2012
Contributor: Katzer Katzer
I like flirting and being flirted with, as long they know how to do it and aren't idiots about it. Also this can happen being single or not, don't mean I'll stay with the person I just like the game.
10/22/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I think it's human nature and I don't get bent out of shape over it. If I had a dollar for everytime someone hit on me when I wasn't available, I'd be rich. It's just something I've grown accustomed to over the years. Not that I am by any means a supermodel, but I'm what the less-delicate souls in life would call a "spinner". I'm petite, long hair, innocent until I open my mouth...it draws people in, whether I want it to or not.
10/22/2012
Contributor: Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
I love when people flirt with me.. It's flattering.. but when it gets beyond creepy, no thanks!
10/22/2012
Contributor: Kitten has left the site Kitten has left the site
I don't like it at all, and everyone around my town knows I'm married to someone THEY know, so it should be obvious to stay away but I've been hit on before. Andy's nearly gone after someone for that XD. But all in all, I don't like to be flirted with unless it's my husband, I get very uncomfy with it.
10/22/2012
Contributor: Vanille Vanille
Quote:
Originally posted by LoooveMonkey
I know a lot of people love it. I don't like it at all. I like to be complimented respectfully, but I feel like people are treating me as a lesser being when they go as far as to flirt with me when they don't even know me. I feel like they ... more
It's not that I don't like it, it's just I don't know how to react to it. However, if I'm currently attached I very kindly say, "I appreciate your compliments but I'm taken."
10/22/2012
Contributor: FantasyFanatic FantasyFanatic
I enjoy flirting in general, and even more when it's someone I just met. It's definitely a big confidence booster when a gorgeous stranger girl gives me "the look", or expresses interest based on my looks and first impression alone. I think the tone and words that an individual uses to flirt can make a huge difference though. Like a girl saying "hey cutie" with a little shy smile would catch my attention more than a tasteless "You look fuckable".

And as far as when I'm in a relationship, I think it's okay to do a little harmless flirting as long as both parties know it isn't going to lead to anything more. Don't get me wrong, I hate cheaters, but flirting IMO doesn't count as cheating... unless you're extremely jealous. I never mind when a girlfriend comments on another guys looks, and I expect the same understanding in return.
Love and being with one person forever is romantic and all, but you can't just pretend that there isn't any other eye candy in this little world of ours.
10/22/2012
Contributor: sweetiejo sweetiejo
I don't mind flirting to a point if I am single, it can be fun but it also depends on how he is wording the compliments and how long we have been speaking. Now if I am taken a ten mile radius needs to be made I will usually tell them I'm taken and am not interested, but if they continue I have been known to be a bit of a witch and rip into them.
10/22/2012
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
It depends on how it's done....there has to be some wit and tact and originality about it for me to find it appealing. If someone comes up to me and says something like, "You're hot. Can I have your number?," I'm thinking, "Wow, even a moron could've conjured up a better line if he invested upwards of 30 seconds of thought."

That kind of being hit on isn't flattering at all. It reeks of someone asking anything that's warm to sleep with them until they get lucky.

If someone takes the time to get a feel for what I'm about and what I'm okay with, charm me instead of proposition me, convince me they have something to offer in terms of mental stimulation, I'm game.
10/22/2012
Contributor: malantha malantha
I wish I had this problem
10/22/2012
Contributor: Bex1331 Bex1331
I guess I'm a weirdo, I love being hit on, it's kind-of a turn on...
10/22/2012
Contributor: DirtyAngel7 DirtyAngel7
Quote:
Originally posted by LoooveMonkey
I know a lot of people love it. I don't like it at all. I like to be complimented respectfully, but I feel like people are treating me as a lesser being when they go as far as to flirt with me when they don't even know me. I feel like they ... more
I don't like it when someone has just met me. If they know me well and we've been friends for a while, then it's okay.
10/22/2012
Contributor: Artishok Artishok
I love flirting and being flirted with, taken or not.
10/22/2012
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Taken or not I am a huge flirt even when I try not to be that is just my nature and personality. If someone is hitting on me or just simply flirting, if I am taken I do make that known
10/22/2012
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
Mild flirting can be fun, as long as that's all it is. I don't take it seriously or really consider it if I'm claimed
10/22/2012
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I don't mind flirting if it's someone I know. There have been a couple of guys who continuously try to hit on me and it gets them nowhere. One guy's been trying to get me to send him nude photos and stuff. He has a girlfriend and she just had a baby, so it's really gross. Every time he talks to me I tell him I'm taken and I am not interested in him, but he does not get the point. Honestly, I barely know the guy, just that we went to high school together. I will sometimes flirt with guys I am friends with, but it's usually very light.
10/23/2012
Contributor: Incendiaire Incendiaire
It depends whether I like the person or not. If I find them attractive and they flirt then it makes me happy, if I'd never look at them that way in a million years then it makes me really uncomfortable, and afraid that anything I might do could be misinterpreted by them as a green light.
10/23/2012
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
I'm a guy...doesn't happen that often, so I don't mind. I am taken though.
10/24/2012
Contributor: BG529 BG529
I guess it depends on the situation. I used to enjoy flirting but I am in a wonderful relationship now so I don't really pick up on it like I used to.
10/24/2012
Contributor: LoooveMonkey LoooveMonkey
Quote:
Originally posted by darthkitt3n
I don't mind flirting if it's someone I know. There have been a couple of guys who continuously try to hit on me and it gets them nowhere. One guy's been trying to get me to send him nude photos and stuff. He has a girlfriend and she just ... more
Oh my gosh, I hate people like that! O.O They never do get the point.
10/25/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
I don't think I flirt with anyone. I joke around, I make jokes that some people might take as flirting but I just do it because, that's my personality. I don't mind being hit on as long as the person respects that I'm engaged and isn't obnoxious. It can be flattering, depending on the person doing it...or it can be creepy.
10/27/2012
Contributor: Stagger13 Stagger13
Quote:
Originally posted by LoooveMonkey
I know a lot of people love it. I don't like it at all. I like to be complimented respectfully, but I feel like people are treating me as a lesser being when they go as far as to flirt with me when they don't even know me. I feel like they ... more
Seems wrong from people just met.
10/27/2012
Contributor: Pink Lily Pink Lily
I don't mind it when people flirt with me. I don't think it's offensive because when they flirt (when they just met me) they are saying that they think I'm physically attractive. Not that the only thing that's important about me is how attractive I am, just that they find me attractive. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
11/16/2012
Contributor: Nyx (Under the Covers) Nyx (Under the Covers)
I enjoy low-key flirtation that is ambiguous and could be mistaken for friendliness (which could include non-sexualized compliments), but anything overt/sexual is not welcomed.
11/16/2012