Both thank you very much for the advice. Within the past week I have really started to weigh my relationship and weigh out the benefits and pitfalls to being in this relationship. Right now I love the person and have been able to handle every obstacle that has been thrown my way. However, as recently as last night I wonder how much more I can take. I am very understanding and sympathetic to them for the most part to relax and calm their nerves, but I don't want them to get comfortable and walk all over me and always me to enable their actions. I do at times get stern and give them a straightforward opinion that is not on the "friendly" side of comfort, but I never raise my voice in those situation. I just feel important things needs to be made clear at times. less

Sorry you're having a hard time with this. Having been on both sides of this (as the depressed person, and as the partner) I know it's hard. Sometimes it gets better, but in some cases it doesn't unfortunately.

My first serious relationship was with someone who was depressed, and he didn't care too much about taking care of himself. He didn't commit to seeing his psychiatrist and only took his meds occasionally. While our relationship wasn't terrible, it could be really hard for me to see him upset, unmotivated, and insecure. And he started dragging me down with him. The worst part, and the reason why I eventually ended the relationship, was that he became jealous when I spent time with other friends and guilted (controlled) me into not spending time with them so I could instead spend it with him, making him feel less lonely and more important. Bottom line was that I had supported him for long enough, and without him putting in any effort to get better it wasn't worth it, especially at the expense of having meaningful relationships with other people. I was afraid for a while to break up with him because I wasn't sure how he would react. He actually did end up cutting and began drinking once our relationship was over, which obviously made me feel horrible. But, I still stand by my decision 100% because when it comes down to it he was responsible for his own choices and it was ultimately not my duty to stay with him and be miserable just to prevent him from harming himself. FWIW, he's happily married now.

On the flip side of that, I also suffer from depression and anxiety, which can be difficult for people close to me. I've been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half now, and although we're both very happy in the relationship it hasn't been (and isn't always) easy. When we first got together he was so great at helping me get through hard times, it was like he just knew what I needed to feel better. But after a while, when things weren't getting much better, the patience started wearing off and frustration set in on his part. He was disappointed that my meds and therapy weren't helping as much as we'd like. I've recently been making a lot of progress however, and things are going more smoothly for the two of us. It is important for us to communicate effectively with each other and make sure that both of our needs are being met (and are considered equally important!). I am so grateful that he understands that even though I could be 'difficult' to be with, I try my hardest to work past the depression and other issues.

Basically what I'm trying to say is that if the depressed person has zero interest in taking care of themselves and getting better, there's only so much you can do and then it's understandable to get out of the relationship. You aren't responsible for anyone but yourself. It usually isn't worth it to stay with someone who doesn't want to get better. But if the depressed person is actively trying to make changes in their life, it can be rewarding to stick with them and support them until they can get to a better place, mentally and emotionally. less

I agree and disagree with some things said here. Having grown up with the majority of my family members in a constant state of depression, I can say that it's extremely taxing and there is a point in time where you need to cut your losses. Loving someone doesn't mean suffering. Loving someone means that you love yourself enough to take care of you first so you can take care of them and vice versa. This is a controversial statement but there are a lot of people who are misdiagnosed as being depressed or clinically depressed when it's a matter of situational depression and they just need a little bit of positive in their lives to make it to the next step. A lot of this has to do with will power to deal with the issues and depression makes that difficult. Such it turns into a catch .22 and becomes cyclical.

No matter what, you do not owe anyone the best years of your life if all it's going to do is make you miserable. That doesn't mean you have to walk away completely but distancing yourself is not out of the question, either. less

Hi everyone,

So I started dating someone who I found out has suffered from depression. They are currently going through a really bad episode of it for the past 4-5 months. We have been dating 2 months and things are progressing well. I love the person and we get along very well. It's just that there are times where I'd see them and they'd be a complete mess. Drunk and upset because things are bothering them. One night it was so bad that their friends called me to come over to help them with the person and had to call for an ambulance to take them to the hospital for a mental health evaluation. They tend to get upset more and more lately and while the drinking has ceased. The depression is still there. I've only considered leaving the relationship the night of the ER because the person was refusing to get help for it. They do see a therapist and are medicated.

I just feel like I am treading rough waters here. One on hand the relationship is progressing, but on the hand the depression is taken a hit on the person and myself. I feel like the person's actions get too much that I'll have to end the relationship, but on the same token what if the relationship gets too serious and my feelings are compromised because of my emotions for the person and also how they are acting.

I in the past have suffered from depression as well and have successfully *lets hope for now* have conquered it and am doing quite well for myself, so I do understand a bit of what they are dealing with and going through in their mind. I just am looking for thoughts on this. So what do you all think? less