The New Intimacy

Arguments: how do you get through them?

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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Every couple argues, it's just part of life. It's how you deal with the arguments and their aftermath that can either make you or break you as a couple.

So how do you get through them? Do you keep the argument going while you're both still angry/upset or do you let yourselves cool down before you try to talk it out? Or do you even talk it out at all?
09/17/2011
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Contributor: indiglo indiglo
The last time I lost my temper, my man said "I love you" and then left me so I would have time to cool down. After I calmed down, we talked about it for a really long time. That was the best thing he could have done. Arguing when both people are really mad will only get you to say things you don't mean that you can't take back later. Usually for us it turns out that the whole thing was a giant misunderstanding and mis-communication. No one was trying to be mean or hurtful, we just weren't getting our thoughts across properly.
09/17/2011
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
The last time I lost my temper, my man said "I love you" and then left me so I would have time to cool down. After I calmed down, we talked about it for a really long time. That was the best thing he could have done. Arguing when both ... more
In my experience, that's what I've found too. That usually it was misunderstanding and mis-communication. And just letting one breathe for a day or so is the best thing to do.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
We separate ourselves for a little bit while we are angry and then discuss the problem.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
I think it depends on the couple, but sometimes a short timeout can be a very good thing. Then come back together once less emotion is involved.
09/17/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
I take a serious time out and then when we are able to talk rationally we will work things out.
09/17/2011
Contributor: meitman meitman
I think every couple is different. My wife and I prefer to tackle the issues soon after it starts. We've learned that when we have an argument it is usually due to a misunderstanding or miscommunication. The longer we wait to address it the longer we will both have ruined days. I don't think every couple can do it like that, though. It took me some time to learn to not say anything hurtful out of anger and for us both to really listen to what each other is saying and communicate the issue clearly.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Wildchild Wildchild
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
Every couple argues, it's just part of life. It's how you deal with the arguments and their aftermath that can either make you or break you as a couple.

So how do you get through them? Do you keep the argument going while you're ... more
It depends, sometimes we just drop it, sometimes the reason is something that was misscommunicated. And the one thing is blame both ppl not one (communication I mean). I say something like you should have explianed that to me from the get go and I should have said something other than yea.

Good Luck
09/18/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
We talk about it until we feel better about the subject
09/18/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
I would personally prefer to go off and deal with the situation on my own, but my Master likes it to be discussed.
09/18/2011
Contributor: mandiegk mandiegk
Quote:
Originally posted by Shellz31
I would personally prefer to go off and deal with the situation on my own, but my Master likes it to be discussed.
My boyfriend and I have different arguing styles too. I like to separate so I can calm down and collect my thoughts, but my boyfriend likes to discuss it right away. It is frustrating for me because sometimes I just make things worse since I don't do a great job of articulating my feelings on the spot.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
It depends on what we're arguing about. We've only ever had a few arguments that were actual arguments and not just us playing around. One was over how long he was taking to get his suit for our wedding, one was about him changing his license since he's been living at my mom's house with me for over two years while we're saving for a house and his license still has his parent's address, and one was about just sucking it up and taking the last few classes he needs to get his bachelors degree. None of these arguments has lasted longer than the day they started on, after going to bed and getting up in the morning we may not have been the most happy about discussing it, but we did without any arguments.
09/19/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
we do not fight very often. We we do get into a fight, I tend to walk away until we have both cooled down, more so her then me. I do not get upset very often. She tends to sty upset for a while.
09/19/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
Some times it seems like all we do is argue. Then other days we are perfectly fine. We are both very stubborn, and try to get in the last word. My newest approach is to just agree with whatever he is saying and pretty much not say anything. Just act like you are listening and nod your head kind of thing. Seems to be working actually, he usually ends up coming up to me giving me big kiss. Then within few minutes the fight is over. I can yell until my throat is sore, however this does not do anything to help the situation. Best off to wait for cool off period, then try to talk like adults that you should be.
09/20/2011
Contributor: Jake'n'bake Jake'n'bake
Talking and sex, mostly. I end up cracking jokes because tense situations make me anxious, then it gets to other things, eventually sex.
12/13/2011