I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I think establishing firm control over your sexuality can help those who are broken but to be honest EVERYONE is to some degree broken. I say enjoy the liberation but be wary of calling it something you use to prop yourself up. To my ears that sounds like a bit of shaming rather than embracing.
Rather could you not turn it around to say that you feel more loved, secure in yourself and happy when you have a great time playing with toys and orgasming frequently? There need not be a negative connotation here! Does it help with self esteem? SURE! Could you still feel this if your self-esteem was high and healthy? SURE!

Personally, I think the reason it looks like we who enjoy the benefits of self loving are deriving positive benefits and escaping our harsh pasts is because we are recovering and part of the recovery process is to speak out about the abuse. This could be why we see a disproportionate number of "broken" people talking about how this has helped us...mostly happy, healthy people know this already and don't feel the need to delve into why it works. Then again I believe rough experiences in life are a part of EVERY life to varying degrees. less

After reading a few articles and blogs of porn stars, participating on the forums here at EF and researching various materials on sexuality, I have noticed a similar patterns or behaviors from many of the people who are more sexually adventurous.

Life Experiences: Past sexual abuse or repression. Negative connotations related to sex. Rape or incest incidents. Bullied, looked down on or teased in school. Religious teachings were negative about sex.

Behaviors: Rebellious or defying authority when younger. Purposefully shocking behavior. Promiscuous or prude past behavior. Less trustful, more reserved about friendships. Difficult making friends. Shy, introverted. Self-harming. Depressed, clinically or occasionally. Sensitive and easily hurt.

Physical/mental: Insecure. ADD/ADHD, obsessive compulsive disorders, bipolar and dyslexia. Adrenaline junkies. Addictive personalities. Drug/alcohol use. Low self-esteem, needing reassurance.

These are the common threads I have noticed in a majority of those who have become sexually adventurous.

I have noticed with myself that with the use of toys, experimenting and more adventurous aspects of my sex life, I have become less vulnerable to imagined rebuffs, more secure in myself as a person and the high from orgasming has filled my need for justification, reassurance and extreme need for an adrenaline rush.

I feel happier, more complete and the adventure has added a closeness to my relationship with my husband. I do have some of the above common threads--depression, over sensitivity, negative sexual connotations, ADD, sexual abuse, etc. I do use sex to compensate for what I notice lacking in myself--be it feelings, insecurities or sense of completeness. I also have noticed a positive results in my becoming a more rounded and whole person from embracing the healthy sexual being that I am. Are some of the behaviors from repressing our sexual beings?

I need to regroup and give a more complete answer, please so not take this discussion to mean that I think everyone has past or present issues and that is the only reason they are sexually adventurous. I am trying to gather opinions and experiences to complete an idea and theory that I have been researching for quite awhile. Thank you for your time and honesty!! less

I don't think there's any evidence to back this. There have been some studies done that show people who are into kinky things run from those who have been abused to those who have not. Also some have mental illness while some do not. It's too varied a group to give a correlation.

Personally, while I do have many of the issues you've listed, I don't think it plays a part in what I prefer or do sexually. I don't like my sexuality to be pinned on my mental illness. It's like saying me being sexually adventurous is part of an illness, which it's just not. I don't link the two in any way. It's really not fair to say "oh, you like sex because of XYZ." Why can't someone be or not be XYZ without tying that into something in the past?

It's a bit like trying to find a "reason" people are gay. Some have past sexual trauma or mental illness, many do not. Why try to say their sexuality is based on anything but genetics or preference?

Also, people with issues are more likely to speak up than those without. It wouldn't be an interesting discussion to say "I had a great childhood and life!" Well, maybe some discussion could be done, but there's not a lot of people starting those discussions. That doesn't mean they're not out there, it just means they're less vocal. When you have problems then you're more likely to seek help. There's nothing to seek help with if your life is grand and sex is great.

Another point is that there is so many people with past abuse and mental illness out there. So of course some will end up being one way sexually. If you found a way to get every person with a mental problem or abuse in a room and polled them, I'm pretty sure you'd get a large range of preferences. less

I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I think establishing firm control over your sexuality can help those who are broken but to be honest EVERYONE is to some degree broken. I say enjoy the liberation but be wary of calling it something you use to prop yourself up. To my ears that sounds like a bit of shaming rather than embracing.
Rather could you not turn it around to say that you feel more loved, secure in yourself and happy when you have a great time playing with toys and orgasming frequently? There need not be a negative connotation here! Does it help with self esteem? SURE! Could you still feel this if your self-esteem was high and healthy? SURE!

Personally, I think the reason it looks like we who enjoy the benefits of self loving are deriving positive benefits and escaping our harsh pasts is because we are recovering and part of the recovery process is to speak out about the abuse. This could be why we see a disproportionate number of "broken" people talking about how this has helped us...mostly happy, healthy people know this already and don't feel the need to delve into why it works. Then again I believe rough experiences in life are a part of EVERY life to varying degrees. less

I have to agree...but I'll take it farther and say that if everyone was totally honest we'd see that repressed sexually or wild and free we all suffer from insecurity, past abuses, and use crutches to prop ourselves up now and again.

I think establishing firm control over your sexuality can help those who are broken but to be honest EVERYONE is to some degree broken. I say enjoy the liberation but be wary of calling it something you use to prop yourself up. To my ears that sounds like a bit of shaming rather than embracing.
Rather could you not turn it around to say that you feel more loved, secure in yourself and happy when you have a great time playing with toys and orgasming frequently? There need not be a negative connotation here! Does it help with self esteem? SURE! Could you still feel this if your self-esteem was high and healthy? SURE!

Personally, I think the reason it looks like we who enjoy the benefits of self loving are deriving positive benefits and escaping our harsh pasts is because we are recovering and part of the recovery process is to speak out about the abuse. This could be why we see a disproportionate number of "broken" people talking about how this has helped us...mostly happy, healthy people know this already and don't feel the need to delve into why it works. Then again I believe rough experiences in life are a part of EVERY life to varying degrees. less