The New Intimacy

What is Your Definiton of a 'Lady'?

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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
So as I am trying to establish who I am on my own instead of as part of a dysfunctional couple, I had been told that I never 'found myself' due to marrying right out my parents' house. They are right, I'm not exactly sure who or what I really am, as I have just sort of drifted and became whatever was needed for those around me. (Writing that was very difficult, as I feel I do have some boundaries.)

What I would like to be is a Lady. But what exactly is a Lady in the 21st century? And not just in the bedroom, but outside of it in work, social, and living experience. The world has changed in just a generation, what are the new standards now?

What is your definition of being a Lady?
11/17/2010
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Contributor: gone77 gone77
I'm not really a fan of the term "lady" and the connotations that go with it. Soooo, I'm not being very helpful. LOL
11/17/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
Hm.. that is a loaded question, Chili.

Well, I would say a Lady can be a multitude of things- but my version is this:

A woman who is confident, put together, smart, friendly and charming. She is polite, mature and proper when necessary, but knows how to let loose without getting sloppy and turning into the town bicycle. She is independent, but not so much so that she becomes cold and unfeeling. She likes to be feminine, but not overly so, and is okay with chipping her nail polish if it means having a little fun. She has a nice sense of style, but doesn't buy into the trends, and still manages to look like her own person. She knows what she wants and isn't afraid to tell someone, but won't demand it.

How's that sound? Of course, there are a lot more things, but that's the abridged version, LOL.
11/17/2010
Contributor: DeliciousSurprise DeliciousSurprise
A Lady is someone who self-identifiies as a Lady. I can't make the definition of what any term means to any person who choses to use it.

I mean, of course I could talk about it in terms of a BDSM Top/Bottom, Sir/Lady context, or I could talk about it in relation to Victorianism or in the context of contemporary gender roles but... If you don't identify with my diagnosis, does that mean you aren't a Lady?
11/17/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
My husband calls me his "lady" and never called me his "girlfriend" before we were married, instead using "my lady" - which I loved.

So, a "lady" has always meant, to me, a woman who carries herself with confidence, has good manners, is smart and funny, and tactful, articulate, well-read, kind and patient, takes care of herself, and generally well-rounded.

Anyway...yeah, tall order, right?

Basically, being your best self. A developed and whole person who carries herself well.
11/17/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
My husband calls me his "lady" and never called me his "girlfriend" before we were married, instead using "my lady" - which I loved.

So, a "lady" has always meant, to me, a woman who carries herself ... more
That's pretty much exactly what I would have said too. My fiance calls me "his lady" too, I love it.
11/17/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
That's pretty much exactly what I would have said too. My fiance calls me "his lady" too, I love it.
11/17/2010
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Quote:
Originally posted by Not here
Hm.. that is a loaded question, Chili.

Well, I would say a Lady can be a multitude of things- but my version is this:

A woman who is confident, put together, smart, friendly and charming. She is polite, mature and proper when necessary, ... more
I like this answer.
11/17/2010
Contributor: LicentiouslyYours LicentiouslyYours
Quote:
Originally posted by gone77
I'm not really a fan of the term "lady" and the connotations that go with it. Soooo, I'm not being very helpful. LOL
I think sometimes I have somewhat negative definitions attached to the word lady.

Tho I use it as a greeting in email all the time "Hey lady!" and I use it with people who in no way fit those negative definitions.

For me, growing up, lady was used in terms of "act like a lady" and "you should dress more like a lady" and generally specifying the ways in which I didn't meet the expectations of what a female should look and act like.

To that definition I say "fuck off."

But I like the definitions people have given it below—even tho I think "woman" when reading those definitions. Delicious Surprise is right, of course, that the definition for what makes you a lady should be yours and yours alone.
11/17/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyGeek
I like this answer.
Why thank you
11/17/2010
Contributor: SexyTabby SexyTabby
When I hear the term 'Lady' I think of a woman who has both inner and outer strength. Someone straight forward and upfront without loosing the softness of what is beautiful (beautiful in the heart not the outer layer).
11/17/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
The common idea seems to be 'confidence', which is what I certainly need to work on. And Victoria's response of "being your best self, a developed and whole person" puts it most beautifully.

You ladies are the best, and I use the word as a compliment to your strength and honesty and thoughtfulness.
11/17/2010