The New Intimacy

Teens and buying them toys...

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Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
A few of my fellow mothers have been talking lately about how they plan to buy their daughters a sex toy when they are about 16 yrs old to help with the whole "not having sex as a teen" thing. Now my child is only 5 yrs old so i have a long time before i'm even concerned with it BUT i feel that it would ruin sex for them when the time does come. Like the poor boy that ends up with them will have to compete with a vibrator right off the bat.

What do ya'll think about this? Would you buy your teenage daughter her first toy? If other please explain....
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
32  (36%)
No
41  (47%)
Other
15  (17%)
Total votes: 88
Poll is closed
08/19/2012
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Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Sex and vibrators are entirely different things, the same way that a boyfriend shouldn't have to worry about being 'replaced' by a vibrator. Sex is about the emotional attachment and thrill of being connected with another warm, living human being. Vibrators are there to relieve stress.

I feel like if you get a chance to know what you like and don't like, you can give your partner better direction when the time does come. If you figure out if you like internal or external stimulation you can ask them to spend more time fingering or performing oral as foreplay.

The whole point of giving a young person a vibrator is because sex ISN'T about orgasms, and they shouldn't be having sex just to have an orgasm. If they can give themselves orgasms, they have less stress to have sex with someone, and they have more drive to have sex for the right reasons. (Not that sex for an orgasm is a WRONG reason for some people, but it's generally assumed that you should also only have sex with people you trust, love, and have an emotional investment in.)

Now none of this means that either you or your friends are right, this is just how I see it. If you don't want to give your underage daughter a vibrator NO ONE can tell you that you're wrong, but if you do decide to I think it will only be beneficial to her emotional and physical health later on. Best of luck!
08/19/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
Buying someone a vibrator at 16 isn't going to help them not want to have sex, but neither is not buying them one. Honestly, 16 will probably too late to stop these young ladies. Kids have sex earlier and earlier.

Parents need to do what is best for their children with education about sex. I don't have a daughter, so I won't be buying her a vibrator; however if I did have a daughter, I would buy her a vibe. I used things like my toothbrush, hair brush, screwdriver, etc. I would want to make sure she has options that are safe to use.
08/19/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
I have three young daughters, my oldest being six years old. I truly believe that it's going to depend on their maturity when they're at that age. I'm going to educate them on making mature decisions, but I also want my daughters to know that they can come to me and talk with me about anything, including sexual feelings/urges. I want to have a very open relationship with my children. So, if my teenage daughter came to me and asked me for one, than yes, I would buy her one. But buying her one out of the blue, I'm not sure about that.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Zakkie Zakkie
I don't have a daughter (or any child, for that matter), so I can't say I'm fit as a rolemodel of parenting, but I can offer you the opinion of the other side.

My mother was very open to me about talking about sex and boys and troubles. I would focus on talking about safe sex with her rather then tucking a vibrator under her pillow and hoping it will make the PIV sex go away. I'd talk to her about it and if owning a vib is something she was interested in, then get it for her if you also felt comfortable about it.

A lot of my friend's first vibes (and mine) were pretty small. Little bullets, the vibe inside of a cock ring...So it wouldn't have to be some tripple orgasm rabbit.
08/19/2012
Contributor: hjtee hjtee
I wouldn't buy it for my daughter as a gift, but if she chose to have one, I would get it for her.
08/19/2012
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Toys don't ruin sex or set high expectations for sex, they make a girl more aware of her body and better prepared for sex, as well as provide an alternative that hopefully will keep teens from rushing into things. Something discreet looking that could also be a muscle massager would be ideal.
08/19/2012
Contributor: glitterbombs glitterbombs
If I have children, I plan to be open with them about sex when they're at the appropriate age. That very well might turn the conversation to information about toys and an offer to buy one, and if the child wanted me to I would.
08/19/2012
Contributor: kims89 kims89
ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!
08/19/2012
Contributor: PeachCandy PeachCandy
I'm very open with my children about sex and adult-related stuff but I think buying a 16 year old girl a vibrator is kinda crossing the line
08/19/2012
Contributor: Sodom and Gomorrah Sodom and Gomorrah
I wouldn't want her first time to be with plastic so no. If she is active as a teen I still wouldn't want to encourage it until she is either older or she is married.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
It really depends on the kid... there is not right answer..
08/19/2012
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
I think its a really good idea
08/19/2012
Contributor: sexykiss sexykiss
depends
08/19/2012
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
Quote:
Originally posted by hjtee
I wouldn't buy it for my daughter as a gift, but if she chose to have one, I would get it for her.
Same here. If she's curious and wanted to try toys, I'd rather be the one to get it for her; something made with a safe material and a design that will be ideal for her.
08/19/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
I have a son, so I guess I can't say for sure if I'd buy a daughter a vibrator. I do plan to buy my son a toy when he is older for pretty much the same reasons listed to buy a girl one.

Like others have mentioned, toys don't ruin sex. That's silly to think. It's basically like saying anyone who has toys has no interest in sex. I have TONS of toys and I still crave and want sex.

As a kid I used all sorts of household objects to get off. I'd rather my kid use something safe rather than a toothbrush or other item.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I have a son, so I guess I can't say for sure if I'd buy a daughter a vibrator. I do plan to buy my son a toy when he is older for pretty much the same reasons listed to buy a girl one.

Like others have mentioned, toys don't ruin ... more
I agree, I would much rather my kid(s) use something safe. I would definitely wait until my daughter expressed interest in anything sexual. I wouldn't just randomly buy her a vibrator.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
Quote:
Originally posted by - Kira -
I have a son, so I guess I can't say for sure if I'd buy a daughter a vibrator. I do plan to buy my son a toy when he is older for pretty much the same reasons listed to buy a girl one.

Like others have mentioned, toys don't ruin ... more
not saying it would ruin sex, hell i have a HUGE collection of toys and am still very much into sex with my Mister... BUT i look back and think "what if i had used a vibrator before learning how to get myself off without it or learning how to find pleasure with a man first" I just dont think it would have been as exciting and climactic as it was, hell i didnt even own a vibe till i was married and my hubby at the time wanted to spice things up.

and i dont see where it will keep them from having sex, it'll still happen when she decides she's ready, toy or not.... like you said you have tons of toys and still crave sex hehe

idk maybe when she's like 18 and heading off to college lol
08/19/2012
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
My mother bought me a sex toy when I was in HS and it terrified and repulsed me. I'd have been better if she approached me and asked about wanting one, and then let me pick out something that wouldn't have been so intimidating.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Bullfroggy and Rose Bullfroggy and Rose
Quote:
Originally posted by hjtee
I wouldn't buy it for my daughter as a gift, but if she chose to have one, I would get it for her.
that is how I feel too
08/19/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Quote:
Originally posted by Dixiemomma
not saying it would ruin sex, hell i have a HUGE collection of toys and am still very much into sex with my Mister... BUT i look back and think "what if i had used a vibrator before learning how to get myself off without it or learning how to ... more
Some women CAN'T get off without one. I can't use my fingers and make myself orgasm. Just won't happen. I ended up having more sex than most young people because I didn't have a way to get myself off by myself. I can have orgasms from sex and from toys, but not with my fingers.

I wish I would have had toys so I wouldn't have jumped in bad relationships just to get off. I don't think sex would have been any less exciting if I would have had them. I just would have made better choices in who to have sex with.
08/19/2012
Contributor: mrs.mckrakn mrs.mckrakn
16 is much to young for me. Its illegal for a reason...but every family situation is different
08/19/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I would not.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Dixiemomma
A few of my fellow mothers have been talking lately about how they plan to buy their daughters a sex toy when they are about 16 yrs old to help with the whole "not having sex as a teen" thing. Now my child is only 5 yrs old so i have a ... more
I have always had a GREAT relationship with my daughter. VERY open, very honest. Now that she is an adult, I can see it paid off. I even told her about EF for her own shopping..when she asked (she "accidentally" found we had LOTS of toys...years ago). However, I don't think it is my place...nor comfortable for mom or child, to buy them a sex toy. Just had NO desire to "go there".
08/19/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by mrs.mckrakn
16 is much to young for me. Its illegal for a reason...but every family situation is different
I wouldn't by one for my daughter who is an adult, married and a doctor!!!! Sorry. She could buy her own when she was ready and of course, can now.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by TheirPet
My mother bought me a sex toy when I was in HS and it terrified and repulsed me. I'd have been better if she approached me and asked about wanting one, and then let me pick out something that wouldn't have been so intimidating.
VERY well put.
08/19/2012
Contributor: clockwork451 clockwork451
I think it's fine to have a toy at 16, but I would have never let my mother buy one for me.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
I would buy a sexually mature (in the physical sense, I'm not talking about emotionally) a toy if he or she asked about it. I think that's a lot better than letting their raging hormones lead them through a period of trial and error. However, if I purchased such a toy, we'd have to have a little talk about using it (more importantly cleaning it) properly, and just about toys in general.
08/19/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
Quote:
Originally posted by clockwork451
I think it's fine to have a toy at 16, but I would have never let my mother buy one for me.
agreed, my mom and i didnt even talk about sex i damn sure would have been freaked out by that!

I am much more open and honest with my child about things and will continue to be ... and i'd happily talk to her about toy sand their purpose and everything, i would tell her how much better it is to wait tho and not encourage her to use something artificial ... i wont lie tho me and the massaging shower head were good friends growing up lol i dont see a need for anything more than that tho
08/19/2012
Contributor: ChuChii ChuChii
Well I dont have kids but i do have step kids, But I would not even think about getting my daughter a toy whens she's 16,

I had to learn the hard way about sex, my parents never told me anything about it and i sure as hell wasnt going to ask them about it. I was already doing things at 12 and I'm only 21. I learned on my own so when it comes time when my step daughter gets to that age and her mother doesnt tell her, me and her father will. Only when she is ready, you cant force someone to learn about something they are not ready to learn.

But everyone is different, and no matter what anyone says they are going to do what they want with thier child.
08/19/2012