The New Intimacy

Raising the kids together but not happy vs divorce - what is your opinion? :)

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Contributor: DreamWolf DreamWolf
I remember when back in the day my amazing history/sociology teacher told us that no matter what, the parents shouldn't divorce until the kids are 18... But I always wondered about that, because I do remember having heard from some kids that they felt better off with the parents divorced... (I think because of no bad fights in the family anymore... Or a bad parent not "ruining life" anymore... ~smiles shy)

What do you think?
10/13/2012
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Contributor: DreamWolf DreamWolf
(Sorry for the typo btw! ~lays ears blushy)
10/14/2012
Contributor: Mwar Mwar
Oh God, don't wait. Parents should divorce as soon as they're sure they want to. Kids can pick up those emotions, they are very perceptible. And no matter how much a couple might pretend when together, it's not fair to give kids that example of what a loving relationship is.

The short, acute stress of divorce is better than the less intense, long term stress of dealing with wanting'to-divorce parents.

-A child from Divorce.
10/14/2012
Contributor: Cat E. Cat E.
I think that if a couple isn't happy together, married with kids or unmarried, they SHOULD NOT stay together. How on earth does that benifit the children to have unhappy parents?!
10/14/2012
Contributor: MidnightStorm MidnightStorm
I think there's a couple approaches to this... I don't think parents that are going to fight constantly should EVER stay in a relationship "for the sake of the kids." However, if you're just not feeling it any more but the aire of the house is still okay, maybe try to stick it out anyways? Especially if you know once you separate things will be a mess.
10/14/2012
Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
Your sociology professor sounds like he had an agenda. Even today, divorce, as common as it is, has a stigma attached to it, and doubly so if you have kids. I think kids aren't nearly as naive as people believe them to be. Kids are perceptive enough to pick up when things are really not going well between parents. And as kids grow up, the first people they have to look up to is their parents (or whoever is raising them). They learn how to behave in a relationship first and foremost from the example that their parents set. It's not healthy to bring them up in an unhappy household, internalizing that their parents'dysfunctional marriage is the norm. Divorce is tough on everyone, but kids are also resilient, and they learn to adapt to their new family dynamic. It's much better than bringing them up in a broken household.

And why is 18 and over suddenly the magical age that your kids won't be negatively affected by their parents' divorce? Yeah, you're no longer raising them as children, but it still has an affect on the family dynamic.
10/14/2012
Contributor: Sodom and Gomorrah Sodom and Gomorrah
I think parents should try to do everything possible even counseling to co-exist and try to make their marriage work. Now on the other hand, if there is some sort of abuse, either through violence, verbal abuse or a cheating mate then it's just better to divorce. Children would be better off in a peaceful environment.
10/14/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by DreamWolf
I remember when back in the day my amazing history/sociology teacher told us that no matter what, the parents shouldn't divorce until the kids are 18... But I always wondered about that, because I do remember having heard from some kids that they ... more
Well, I do think divorce should be a last resort, but more importantly, I think getting married in the first place should be extremely thoroughly thought through.

However, I do not think that's always the best solution for the child. If there's unhappiness (abuse, arguing, anger and a sense of negativity in the household in general) kids are actually better off with the parents divorced, when it means relief and more peace for the child at home, and in many cases it does. I am blessed enough to have parents who were married happily years before I was born and still are married. I never heard them fight, and there was never any disrespect. However, I know people who say their parent's divorce was the best thing that could've happened, and I know people who've said they wish their parents "would just get a divorce".

So it depends on the situation, but staying unhappily married is not okay and it likely isn't going to benefit the kid anyway if the folks are unhappy.
10/14/2012