The New Intimacy

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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Well, I have been pretty busy lately with a lot of things and I hadn't even realized I hadn't gotten on EF until Oriental HW commented on my wall today.

Things were very stressful between my fiance and I for a while. We decided that we got engaged way too soon and decided that we're going to back off the engagement for a while and "redo" it when the timing is better. He said he felt like he needed to give me something special for Christmas and he doesn't regret doing it. We do want to marry each other, but decided we were moving FAR too fast for both our comforts.

Then I've been busy doing this, that, the other. Last weekend I tried to save a small fuzzy kitten from the parking lot at my job (hotel) and the poor little baby was so terrified that it bit me pretty badly. Clamped down on my right index finger several times and caused quite a bit of bruising, bleeding, and an infection that I luckily didn't have to get an IV for.

But... I'm back! I need to update everyone on how my science experiment is going! I'm going to cat sit for my boyfriend tonight as he is out of town to pick up his truck, because THAT happened too... gods, so much!

We went out to Lincoln a few weeks ago, nearly got in a wreck with a semi, and then something metal flew up from the road and got lodged behind his tire, causing the ABS to try to keep coming on and then ultimately for the brake to catch fire. It caused quite a bit of damage, but luckily his insurance is paying for it. We were okay, but it was kind of terrifying being in a truck marked "FIRE" and "FIREFIGHTER" all over it that was on fire, haha.

So, basically, his fire truck caught fire lol.

Gosh, so much else. I'm going to his place to use his awesome projector screen to watch Dallas Buyer's Club and hopefully I can get caught up on the forum!
02/14/2014
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Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
O.o

And holy fucking shit! I see I missed so much going on here again! What the hell???

man oh man...
02/15/2014
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
O.o

And holy fucking shit! I see I missed so much going on here again! What the hell???

man oh man...
I am glad you are okay, but yeah, heck of a thing we both missed! I've been on a break, too and some people emailed me to alert me to the change. I sure hope the forum stays!
02/15/2014
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
It's good to see you back. EF needs as much participation as possible. Hopefully things will get better little by little. Contact your MIA friends and followers by email. Let them know they are missed. Put them Smileys to work ?
02/15/2014
Contributor: BlackOrchid BlackOrchid
Glad to see you back.
02/15/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
It's good to see you back. EF needs as much participation as possible. Hopefully things will get better little by little. Contact your MIA friends and followers by email. Let them know they are missed. Put them Smileys to work ? ... more
Yes!

Definitely worked out for me.
02/15/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I am glad you are okay, but yeah, heck of a thing we both missed! I've been on a break, too and some people emailed me to alert me to the change. I sure hope the forum stays!
I really hope the forum stays, too, because I honestly have no idea where else to go with questions and advice and everything else that I rely on Eden for!
02/15/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
I'm just going to use this thread I started.

My boyfriend/fiance and I have had some issues of the last few weeks, but as of last night none of it matters anymore. He has a really really horrible event happen in his mother's home last night and now he has custody of his 16-year-old sister.

I am incredibly exhausted, full of worry, and honestly just... kind of broken.

I want to apologize to everyone, I may be absent for a while. I may be seeking counseling to deal with a lot of these things because I am truly still hurt from things over the last few years.

I just wanted everyone to know that I am okay, I am alive, but I may be taking a hiatus for the time being.
02/17/2014
Contributor: OH&W, Lovebears OH&W, Lovebears
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
I'm just going to use this thread I started.

My boyfriend/fiance and I have had some issues of the last few weeks, but as of last night none of it matters anymore. He has a really really horrible event happen in his mother's home last ... more
Thanks for informing us. We will say a prayer for you. Hope things work out. Sometimes life can be very tough. Remember you have friends here.
02/17/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by OH&W, Lovebears
Thanks for informing us. We will say a prayer for you. Hope things work out. Sometimes life can be very tough. Remember you have friends here.
Thanks!

It was a hard night and day. His aunt finally called him and convinced him that he needs someone to support him and to let me in. He's mostly embarrassed about what has happened. His mother relapsed into an alcoholic rage/panic and nearly killed herself and her daughter. It was terrifying. My man is always so strong for everyone else, but I knew he was breaking on the inside.

He was really humiliated and I suppose thought that I'd be scared away. I went to see him today (the first time since Friday morning!) and I made it clear to him that I am there for him as a friend, not an enemy, and that I will do whatever it is he needs me to do.

My mom is stepping up in true Souther fashion and will be making a few meals to stick in the freezer so he and his sister can just pop them into the oven for a quick meal.

Man oh man, I'm only 25! Such a dramatic ordeal, lol. He's only 23, though, and has always had to act like an adult.
02/17/2014
Contributor: js250 js250
Hugs and understanding to you and your boyfriend!!! Children of alcoholics do have to grow up fast and become adults at a young age due to the drama, violence and turbulent life of the alcoholic parent. I am glad to see your partner has traveled the responsible path and not taken the alcoholic cycle that many of the fall into with the 'devil you know' mentality that is hard to break out of! Much admiration, it sounds like you found a great guy!

If you ever need to 'talk' feel free to message me, I do have quite a bit of experience dealing with an alcoholic and the turbulence surrounding them as well as the healing side of the experience. My prayers are with you and your family--or future family, whichever you prefer to think of them as being.
02/18/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
Hugs and understanding to you and your boyfriend!!! Children of alcoholics do have to grow up fast and become adults at a young age due to the drama, violence and turbulent life of the alcoholic parent. I am glad to see your partner has traveled the ... more
Thanks so much!

And today I got news that an employer in the city we were trying to move to wants to hire me, so I am trying now to find a place to live out there because it's a job that I would really love to have long-term!
02/18/2014
Contributor: js250 js250
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
Thanks so much!

And today I got news that an employer in the city we were trying to move to wants to hire me, so I am trying now to find a place to live out there because it's a job that I would really love to have long-term!
I am so happy for you!! It is always wonderful how things happen for the better--usually after a traumatic or upsetting event has occurred...kind of eerie isn't it? I do know that when new doors open, the results are often much better than you think. Oh--I love it when people have good news, I am sooo excited for you!!!!!
02/19/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I am so happy for you!! It is always wonderful how things happen for the better--usually after a traumatic or upsetting event has occurred...kind of eerie isn't it? I do know that when new doors open, the results are often much better than you ... more
Thank you!

I have taken some time to think it over, and I do believe I am going to pass this up for a few reasons. One being that this new job would be part-time until they think I am ready for full-time, a second being, it is retail after all and the hours and job are less secure, and the third being that my boyfriend is in a very fragile state right now and if I move away (about 300 miles), he may assume the worst and use it as an easy out since he's already afraid that he needs to shield me from his flaws and that I will leave him for another. My job here is stable. It may not pay the best, but I know I can count on the hours and the pay. Plus, living with my parents for the time being is better for me financially with the bills that I have...

-sigh- life sucks.
02/20/2014
Contributor: js250 js250
I can relate!! I had to turn down a big job because it is something I could no longer physically do anymore...but on the plus side-I do have a new and lucrative area of my business that I discovered was not available in our area.

I admire your strength and the love you feel for your boyfriend. I know children of alcoholics grow up with feelings of shame, anger and helplessness as well as an over-developed sense of responsibility and guilt. My husband is a recovering alcoholic and I helped to raise his son. I can see some of these traits with him as well. When people push others away to 'shield them', it is their very protectiveness that eventually drives those people away. (It is also easier to push people away before they can reject them for the parent's choices....) Keep talking to him and let him know you understand he is acting like that out of love and concern for you--show him that a choice made by others will not affect your feelings and love for him.

Big hugs and friendship!!
02/20/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I can relate!! I had to turn down a big job because it is something I could no longer physically do anymore...but on the plus side-I do have a new and lucrative area of my business that I discovered was not available in our area.

I admire ... more
I've tried to tell him that I do still love him and little things that show I will not be going anywhere. It's incredibly hard for me because I feel so utterly rejected. There's other issues, too, like how confused he is with his own personal identity as a bisexual male in a super conservative small town.

He still wants me around in some way or else I don't believe he would voluntarily hug me or invite me out to lunch. I just have to hang on. I can use this as time to focus on my own needs while waiting for him to let me in.
02/20/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Since I'd rather not flood the forum with another post, I'll update this one.

He and I have broken up, as of a few days ago. He seemed ashamed and scared and said that because of his job he would "never be able to give me what I deserve." His job is very demanding, but I told him that's no reason to give up or run away. Etc, so forth.

There are A LOT of outside factors, much like the ones I've already listed and talked about on the forums. The biggest thing that I think is weighing down on me right now is the fact that he may have been slowly realizing this entire time that he is gay instead of bisexual. Being a bisexual woman myself, I understand his pain and confusion to a point.

It just really sucks that our relationship got to such a serious point before he started to make these realizations. His youtube account is littered with a lot of gay things, and he's been liking a lot of gay porn stars on facebook, etc. And last week he said something that was almost an admission to me that he thinks he is gay.

I really don't know where to go from here. Obviously I love the man, and I really truly believe that he loves me, but he's stuck in this confusion land of if he's truly gay or not and cannot "give me what I deserve" as he kept saying. He has been my friend foremost and I will support him if he wants or needs my support--but before I can go forth and be that ally for him (because gods know in this tiny town, you NEED an ally to come ou), I need to find a way to heal myself.

Does anyone... have any advice for this?
03/21/2014
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by wrecklesswords
Since I'd rather not flood the forum with another post, I'll update this one.

He and I have broken up, as of a few days ago. He seemed ashamed and scared and said that because of his job he would "never be able to give me what I ... more
I am so sorry to hear that this is how things happened after all the turmoils of the last few months and I wish I had the answers to make you feel better.

I sent you a PM.


PS, you could have posted this as a new topic, if you wanted. There is no problem since the activity is so much less than before on the forum. So, I don't think anyone would bat and eye. Besides, this is a legitimate topic that can benefit others, too. Please don't ever worry about posting discussions as you are not the type to cause the problems like we had sometimes before. They just didn't want people to post a bunch of discussions in a row, all about previously asked and answered, multiple discussions asking the same thing, or nonsensical topics. That is what they meant by flooding the forum.
03/21/2014
Contributor: wrecklesswords wrecklesswords
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I am so sorry to hear that this is how things happened after all the turmoils of the last few months and I wish I had the answers to make you feel better.

I sent you a PM.


PS, you could have posted this as a new topic, if you ... more
Thanks! I'll go check my inbox right now.

I had started to post a new discussion, but I had NO IDEA what to name it. I think it could be beneficial to others, but I just... need a name for it.
03/21/2014