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Name a Funny T-shirt Saying

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Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
I have been seeing some very funny T-shirts & was reminded of this in my discussion, "Is the glass half empty or half full for you?" In it, I & others, mentioned some T-shirts we'd seen with variations on that theme. There was a funny saying that spiced remembered seeing back in his college days: "Some say the glass is half-full, others the glass is half-empty. I say screw all that — let's drink!"

I'll start this with one I have seen recently & thought was funny:

"I'm proficient in 3 languages, English, Sarcasm & Profanity"

What other funny sayings do you remember?
04/08/2013
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Contributor: GingerAnn GingerAnn
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Contributor: Silverwinds Silverwinds
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Islam #2: If shit happens, kill the person responsible.
Islam #3: If shit happens, blame Israel.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Protestantism: Let shit happen to someone else.
Presbyterian: This shit was bound to happen.
Episcopalian: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve the right wine with it.
Methodist: It's not so bad if shit happens, as long as you serve grape juice with it.
Congregationalist: Shit that happens to one person is just as good as shit that happens to another.
Unitarian: Shit that happens to one person is just as bad as shit that happens to another.
Lutheran: If shit happens, don't talk about it.
Fundamentalism: If shit happens, you will go to hell, unless you are born again. (Amen!)
Fundamentalism #2: If shit happens to a televangelist, it's okay.
Fundamentalism #3: Shit must be born again.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Calvinism: Shit happens because you don't work.
Seventh Day Adventism: No shit shall happen on Saturday.
Creationism: God made all shit.
Secular Humanism: Shit evolves.
Christian Science: When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray!
Christian Science #2: Shit happening is all in your mind.
Unitarianism: Come let us reason together about this shit.
Quakers: Let us not fight over this shit.
Utopianism: This shit does not stink.
Darwinism: This shit was once food.
Capitalism: That's MY shit.
Communism: It's everybody's shit.
Feminism: Men are shit.
Chauvinism: We may be shit, but you can't live without us...
Commercialism: Let's package this shit.
Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden.
Idolism: Let's bronze this shit.
Existentialism: Shit doesn't happen; shit IS.
Existentialism #2: What is shit, anyway?
Stoicism: This shit is good for me.
Hedonism: There is nothing like a good shit happening!
Mormonism: God sent us this shit.
Mormonism #2: This shit is going to happen again.
Wiccan: An it harm none, let shit happen.
Scientology: If shit happens, see "Dianetics", p.157.
Jehovah's Witnesses: >Knock< >Knock< Shit happens.
Jehovah's Witnesses #2: May we have a moment of your time to show you some of our shit?
Jehovah's Witnesses #3: Shit has been prophesied and is imminent; only the righteous shall survive its happening.
Moonies: Only really happy shit happens.
Hare Krishna: Shit happens, rama rama.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit!
Zoroastrianism: Shit happens half on the time.
Church of SubGenius: BoB shits.
Practical: Deal with shit one day at a time.
Agnostic: Shit might have happened; then again, maybe not.
Agnostic #2: Did someone shit?
Agnostic #3: What is this shit?
Satanism: SNEPPAH TIHS.
Atheism: What shit?
Atheism #2: I can't believe this shit!
Nihilism: No shit.
Narcisism: I am the shit!

I found this on a shirt in SanFran once.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Silverwinds
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confucianism: Confucius say, "Shit happens."
Buddhism: If shit happens, it isn't really shit.
Zen Buddhism: Shit is, and is not.
Zen Buddhism #2: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This ... more
That was even better than I could have hoped!!! Thank you for posting it!

"Impressionism: From a distance, shit looks like a garden. "
04/08/2013
Contributor: funluvinmama funluvinmama
I have a shirt that says "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by funluvinmama
I have a shirt that says "I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth."
Oh, I like that, too! Thanks!
04/08/2013
Contributor: butts butts
I am NOT a fan of "funny T-shirts", I've rarely seen any that weren't ultra cheesy. I don't really understand the whole "overused not-so-funny saying on a shirt" thing, I grew out of that when I was 14.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Silverwinds Silverwinds
Quote:
Originally posted by butts
I am NOT a fan of "funny T-shirts", I've rarely seen any that weren't ultra cheesy. I don't really understand the whole "overused not-so-funny saying on a shirt" thing, I grew out of that when I was 14.
Party pooper jk, to each their own.
04/08/2013
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
I have been seeing some very funny T-shirts & was reminded of this in my discussion, "Is the glass half empty or half full for you?" In it, I & others, mentioned some T-shirts we'd seen with variations on that theme. There was a ... more
LOL. I have a T-shirt that says "Club Sandwiches, Not Seals!" It's cute. I seen one once that was a weiner dog slash hot-dog and said "have you seen my weiner?" And I laugh about that shirt all the time. It's not really a half empty/half full thing, but I thought it was hilarious enough to keep saying "have you seen my weiner" for the past year. Lol.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by butts
I am NOT a fan of "funny T-shirts", I've rarely seen any that weren't ultra cheesy. I don't really understand the whole "overused not-so-funny saying on a shirt" thing, I grew out of that when I was 14.
But, I didn't ask for not-so-funny sayings on a T-shirt. Feel free to start your own discussion on that. As for the fact you grew out of that at 14...do you mention that in an attempt to belittle those who do find it funny? I'm confused by the purpose of your comment in this thread, but disdain is coming through loud & clear.
04/08/2013
Contributor: sunflower sunflower
Threadless is my favorite place for witty tees! They have a lot of visual puns as well. Like
The Communist Party
The Communist Party
This one too
I can't remember any specific funny ones right now but I have a shirt that says "Boomerangs: They're making a comeback" and my other favorite was "Shakespeare hates your emo poetry"
Bad examples but they always have really awesome shirts.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by sunflower
Threadless is my favorite place for witty tees! They have a lot of visual puns as well. Like
The Communist Party

This one too
I can't remember any specific funny ones right now but I have a shirt that says "Boomerangs: ... more
Love the communist party picture! Thanks for this & the website!

in case they take the link down or it doesn't work at some point, as I've seen happen before, the site is threadless dot com.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Carrie Ann Carrie Ann
Every time I see a t-shirt that says "Click your heels three times and go fuck yourself" it makes me laugh.

Cheesy. Juvenile. Tasteless. I know, I know. It still makes me laugh.
04/08/2013
Contributor: MrWill MrWill
Duct tape can fix anything... except for stupidity.
04/08/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
The older I get, the faster I was.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Carrie Ann
Every time I see a t-shirt that says "Click your heels three times and go fuck yourself" it makes me laugh.

Cheesy. Juvenile. Tasteless. I know, I know. It still makes me laugh.
I've never seen that & I think it's hilarious!
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by MrWill
Duct tape can fix anything... except for stupidity.
Unfortunately, this is true!
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
The older I get, the faster I was.
*sigh*, yeah, that's true, as well. But I'm also more cranky & devious, so I have no problem tripping the faster, younger ones, if I need to! Oh, just kidding.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
My favorite shirt in the entire world that I wore pretty much every day in middle school/9th grade until my boobs got too big, making it too short, and it got too many holes:

"If I knew where I lived, I wouldn't be here"
04/08/2013
Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
I have animal magnetism...
Whenever I go outside,
squirrels stick to my clothes.

and

I love poetry,
long walks on the beach,
and poking dead things with a stick!
04/08/2013
Contributor: bog bog
This is my favorite of all-time.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by (k)InkyIvy
I have animal magnetism...
Whenever I go outside,
squirrels stick to my clothes.

and

I love poetry,
long walks on the beach,
and poking dead things with a stick!
You are twisted, in a delightful way! Thanks for those.

So, the poking dead things with a stick is why the squirrels stick to your clothes?
04/08/2013
Contributor: TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
I like long walks on the beach... after anal...

Every time you see a rainbow, God is having gay sex.

There are two people fucking on the back of this shirt (front)
Just Kidding! Jesus loves you! (there's a big pick of Jesus winking) (back)


The funniest tshirts I have EVER run across are on tshirthell.com
I warn you, though. They can get pretty offensive and crude.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
My favorite shirt in the entire world that I wore pretty much every day in middle school/9th grade until my boobs got too big, making it too short, and it got too many holes:

"If I knew where I lived, I wouldn't be here"
That's really cute, in a subversive way, for middle school! You must have been a funny kid!
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by TJtheMadHatter
I like long walks on the beach... after anal...

Every time you see a rainbow, God is having gay sex.

There are two people fucking on the back of this shirt (front)
Just Kidding! Jesus loves you! (there's a big pick of Jesus ... more
OMG!

You made my night!!! The rainbow one, hahahah. Thanks so much for the site, I will make sure not to be drinking anything when I go check it out!

And I appreciate the warning, thank you!
04/08/2013
Contributor: Gary Gary
Ha, any one watch Squidbillies? Early's hats are totally in this category.
04/08/2013
Contributor: Wicked Wahine Wicked Wahine
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
Ha, any one watch Squidbillies? Early's hats are totally in this category.
Yes they are!! I believe I saw one saying "I Cock, (and then in smaller letters it says) fighting", right?

I would have included hats, but decided to just stick with shirts so the title would be shorter. However, I welcome any funny saying printed on any wearable item!

Thanks for all the great answers people!
04/09/2013
Contributor: TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
Quote:
Originally posted by Wicked Wahine
OMG!

You made my night!!! The rainbow one, hahahah. Thanks so much for the site, I will make sure not to be drinking anything when I go check it out!

And I appreciate the warning, thank you!
I'm glad you like 'em. The site is great if you look around. The older ones are awesome. They even have a section called babyhell. It's onesies for babies. There are ones like "I spent 9 months in the hole" (with jail bars), "I tore Mommy a new one", "Hung like a 5 year old". The list goes on and on with that site. Like I said though, it can get pretty offensive. So, a lot of them will make you feel like you're going to hell for laughing. lol
04/09/2013