The New Intimacy

Little boy wants a kiss...

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Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the title on YouTube, not my name for it)

The debate in the comments swings between the extremes; some think it's perfectly innocent while others think he's a rapist-in-training.

What do you think?
05/18/2012
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Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the ... more
I think that his parents have taught him that "no" means "bother me more." Like he wants a cookie and his parents say no, so he cries and screams and begs until they give in and say yes. Now he's stuck thinking that that's an appropriate way to treat everything.

I don't think that he's a rapist in training, but I think that this would be a good opportunity to pull him aside and talk to him about boundaries and how everyones body is their own property and not to be touched unless you have permission be it sexually or violently.
05/18/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
I think that his parents have taught him that "no" means "bother me more." Like he wants a cookie and his parents say no, so he cries and screams and begs until they give in and say yes. Now he's stuck thinking that that's ... more
Totally agree. I would have jerked his little arm so quickly he'd think I ripped it out of the socket. No means no. I don't care how old you are.
05/18/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
Bad example from the parents. NOT cute!!
05/19/2012
Contributor: CollegeFun2014 CollegeFun2014
For how young he is I think it's okay but he should be taught no means no soon. Like before he starts going to school.
05/19/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the ... more
For all of y'all who don't have kids.... this is the way toddlers act!! It isn't "the way his parents raised him" (even babies have free will) he isn't a "rapist in training" he's a one and half or two year old who thinks the world revolves around him because that's the way toddlers think!!

It's totally innocent. When he gets to preschool, this "me me me me!" type of behavior will (probably) be extinguished by his peers. Yes, we all know adults who think the world revolves around them, but they aren't "rapists" they are just boors. This baby is just being... a baby.

Babies act this way, please don't blame "the parents." (I notice all these comments are coming from childless people....) His parents and the "way he was raised" have NOTHING to do with it. "Yanking his arm out" will either teach him to be a violent little jerk (because that's how you treat people weaker than you? To HURT them?) or it will teach them to scream every time YOU enter the room. You don't treat small children this way. WTF?

Mentally healthy and mature adults don't get violent with babies!!!!

When you've all raised a passel of kids into adult hood, you'll think differently. I guarantee it, unless you forget how toddlers think and act. They are all ID. That's the way they are.

IF, for some fucked up reason, you think the way to "teach" small children something is to get violent with them.... please. Jeez. Hurting babies? WTF?

Really. It's innocent.
05/19/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Totally agree. I would have jerked his little arm so quickly he'd think I ripped it out of the socket. No means no. I don't care how old you are.
Harming children is not the way to teach them anything.

No child ever learned anything of value or virtue from being treated violently.



How disappointing...
05/19/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
In my opinion, a child that age isn't thinking about rape. I agree, he's just being a self-involved toddler. They're always self-involved at that age, and as their brains develop and mature that aspect does as well. (Generally speaking, of course, I do know plenty of older kids and adults who remain complete self-absorbed prima donnas.)

I would, however, want to step in and redirect their attention to something else if either of those were my children - simply because the more frustrated the little girl gets the harder she's going to push him, and he could hit his head on the concrete if he continues falling down on the sidewalk there.
05/19/2012
Contributor: DustBunny DustBunny
I don't really find it cute or too much wrong with it. I would prefer someone stepped in just so as to stop anyone from getting hurt, she pushed him down a few times and it was cement beneath them. I mean you can't really expect a toddler to understand personal space, he pushed him away and he got right back up and tried again. I would have tried to stop it before anyone got hurt or too upset.

Now since there is music and not actual audio, who knows what the parents were saying. I remember when my brother was younger that for one photo he was encouraged by all of the adult to kiss the daughter of a family friend on the cheek. There very well could have been a parent in the back ground saying "Kiss her!"
05/19/2012
Contributor: LittleA LittleA
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the ... more
I'm not sure I see him trying to kiss at all, the first thing he leans toward her every time is his baby wiener. God, who knows but I hope we don't see this video in 15 years on the news with the headline "Born to be Bad" or something.
05/19/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Eh, it's kind of cute, but I'd have probably picked him up and walked away. He's a bit too young to understand personal boundaries, so you can't expect too much from him.
05/19/2012
Contributor: PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the ... more
At this age, maybe "no harm no foul"!

BUT, I have seen even from pre-school to grades 3 or 4 that the kids like to HUG a lot to the point that I think it is too much touchy feely! Either the teacher or the parent has to step in and discuss what is and is not appropriate behavior at that age.
05/19/2012
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
For all of y'all who don't have kids.... this is the way toddlers act!! It isn't "the way his parents raised him" (even babies have free will) he isn't a "rapist in training" he's a one and half or two year old ... more
I don't have children of my own, but I have helped out a LOT with childcare at my grandmas church and watched a lot of kids grow up. I don't know for sure if it's personality based or parent based, but there are a lot of kids at that age who are very respectful and mindful of others, and there are also some kids who act like the child above.

Neither are going to turn out to be bad people, that's why I disagree with people who are saying on Youtube that he's going to jail in a few years, but at the same time I know that there are some kids who have more self control at that age.

Like I said, this may be personality based. The more introverted children may just spend more time observing and thinking about their actions and how they affect others. The thing is that even at that age children understand "How would you like it if someone was touching your body and wouldn't stop even when you asked them to" and take it to heart.

But P'Gell I totally am with you about not getting physically violent with children, most of the time I don't even condone spanking or a slap on the wrist. If you don't sit down with them and explain WHAT they did wrong and WHY it was wrong it's just like kicking your dog for chewing on your sweater. It doesn't understand, and it's just pointless pain.

Let's not physically hurt eachother unless absolutely necessary. Let's just not hurt anything with feelings in general!
05/19/2012
Contributor: badk1tty badk1tty
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the ... more
I would really be embarrassed if this were my child.
05/19/2012
Contributor: KyotoAngel KyotoAngel
It was actually a little adorable for the first few seconds, it's just kids being kids I think.
I mean the parents really ought to sit the little boy down and explain that such behavior isn't appropriate (in a way he would be able to fully understand) but even if they didn't he'd probably learn eventually. I don't know many women that would allow a guy to do that to them and not call the cops or punch the guy.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
For all of y'all who don't have kids.... this is the way toddlers act!! It isn't "the way his parents raised him" (even babies have free will) he isn't a "rapist in training" he's a one and half or two year old ... more
I agree with much of what you said; I've seen plenty of toddlers try to hug or kiss an unwilling peer (in my experience girls are often the aggressors), and for the most part I think it's cute. However I think a parent should have stepped in here. (With the way the toddlers turned towards camera a few times I fear the adults were encouraging him to try to kiss and hug her.)

The little girl was clearly upset — never mind her face, look at her body language — to the point that she became more and more violent each time he approached her. Toddlers should get a lot of leeway because they are tiny and they have little if any concept between right and wrong, however the same way I wouldn't allow a toddler to continuously hit an animal just because they don't know better, I would not have let this continue for as long as it did.
05/20/2012
Contributor: MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I saw this on YouTube today, and I can't decide whether I think it's the cutest thing ever or the worst illustration of parents not teaching their child to respect boundaries:

Little boy wants to kiss a little girl FUNNY (this is the ... more
Im not sure that "rapist in training" is an appropriate way to describe it, but I definitely think that the parents need to explain to this child some boundaries and what "Personal space" is and how to respect it.

I think its cute, but I also think that I have been a parent long enough to know the ramifications of what "not doing anything about this behavior" will eventually do to this child, and others that he will continue to bother, annoy or invade on their personal space. I know the "long run" consequences and I think that the parents should have done something rather than just stand there.

Kudos to this lil girl for sticking up for herself and telling that boy to "Get away from me" when she felt uncomfortable. HER parents seemed to have things under control when teaching her what is acceptable and what is not and letting her know to stand up and say something. So I think that was AWESOME! However, I think someone should have done something and intervened in this situation. The parents of the lil boy OR the lil girls parents. Either way, I think its cute that he tried, but with him continuing on the way he did, not so cute.
05/20/2012
Contributor: MamaDivine MamaDivine
Quote:
Originally posted by Petite Valentine
I agree with much of what you said; I've seen plenty of toddlers try to hug or kiss an unwilling peer (in my experience girls are often the aggressors), and for the most part I think it's cute. However I think a parent should have stepped in ... more
I've seen plenty of toddlers try to hug or kiss an unwilling peer (in my experience girls are often the aggressors), and for the most part I think it's cute.

I wonder if we are more willing to allow it when the girl is the aggressor? I think most of us will agree that when the lil girl does it, its cute. When the boy does it, its signs of a rapist or other negative thinking. This type of thinking is pretty wrong in my opinion. Its like girls flirting and teasing a guy and when he gets the "wrong signals" and tries to act on them, he is the one that gets called a pig, while the girl is viewed as the victim. Our society needs to really look into that a little more and realize that it doesn't matter on the gender. No is no.
05/20/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ryuson
I don't have children of my own, but I have helped out a LOT with childcare at my grandmas church and watched a lot of kids grow up. I don't know for sure if it's personality based or parent based, but there are a lot of kids at that age ... more
Exactly. If this had been my little boy, I would have said, "The little girl doesn't want a kiss right now, let's go do something else." And then gently distracted him. With babies and children, distraction works much better than violence, any day. We don't know what the parents were saying at all. I agree this little boy is being self involved, but that's the way most toddlers are. I don't think it's "the way he was raised" though, more his personality.

A few weeks in nursery school or Kindergarten and the other kids will let him know that this isn't the way to get girls to like you.
05/20/2012
Contributor: SaraW0512 SaraW0512
I have 2 kids of my own and have raised my stepdaughter. I'm here to tell you, ALL kids that age are discovering love and starting to discover their bodies. He wasn't trying to offer his weiner or rape her! He is a baby. Talk to your parents and I guarantee 9 out of 10 you will hear stories about yourselves. Need to stop and think about how you respond to this, it shows your character by putting something nasty or violent. This is a baby, any mean or violent behavior is disgusting and uncalled for.
05/20/2012
Contributor: VelvetDragon VelvetDragon
I notice the kisser (we're assuming boy, based on clothing and haircut) keeps looking towards the person filming. I get the impression the person filming was encouraging this actively, not just passively standing by and not breaking up what is clearly uncomfortable for one of the toddlers.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by MamaDivine
I've seen plenty of toddlers try to hug or kiss an unwilling peer (in my experience girls are often the aggressors), and for the most part I think it's cute.

I wonder if we are more willing to allow it when the girl is the aggressor? I ... more
Personally, I take the age of the child into consideration, not the sex. Toddlers? Cute. Third graders? To the principal's office.

@ VelvetDragon
They both look towards the camera at some points, so I'm certain an adult is saying something to them. It could be that the adult told him to stop, but was laughing so the kid kept going.

That has happened to me in the past; a kid has done or said something and I know I'm supposed to be stern and admonishing, but I start cracking up which just encourages them.
05/20/2012