Why is it the woman's responsibility to dress differently? why isn't it the man's responsibility to avoid going places where women dress in a way that they don't agree with? For example maybe he shouldn't be going to the beach if he can't control himself because women are wearing swimsuits. less

A group I follow on FB made a post tonight that said "girls, read this, please!" The rest of the post explained how many men were trying hard to keep their eyes "pure" and be faithful, so when we walk around wearing shorts or a V-neck, it sends them "down the wrong path." They said "all men" were this way & went on to ask that all girls stop wearing this type of clothing so that the men could keep themselves pure and or faithful...

Well, that definitely sparked the tiger in me, but I won't go all ballistic here. I'll just say that it made me less than happy because to me, I feel that it is NOT my job as a woman to make sure no man looks at me. I definitely do not provoke men to look, by all means. I wouldn't go try to "force a man down the wrong path." LOL. I do have morals and respect for my body, but by golly I do like to wear shorts in the summer & dresses & skirts really bring out the "me" in me, if that makes sense. I mean, I'm sure I am not the only one who sometimes feels wonderful and my best when I take a day to wear something that I feel sexy in -- sexy, not inappropriate. And when it's hot out, how many people really want to be out in the heat wearing sticky, stiff jeans? But we should do this and be uncomfortable simply because we are the problem that cause men to go "down the wrong path?" This is just one of the many negative messages I got from the post I'm talking about.

So was MMM right when they said that all men are not in control of themselves & that it's women who cause this? Do you believe that? I hope this isn't true. Or do you believe that the "control" lies within the person and that others actions. . . or apparel is no excuse for someone to be "forced down the wrong path" or unfaithful?

I personally feel like there's a difference in dressing in a way that makes you feel good and outright begging for some random guy's attention. Now it a female went and deliberately done something to get someone's attention, that would be different. But us simply wearing clothing? I don't think so.

Maybe it's just me, but when I read things like what that group posted, it reminds me of the whole idea that rape victims who were wearing a skirt, "asked" for it. And I think we'd all agree that nobody "asked" for it or ever deserves rape. Is it the same in this case? Or were they right, men do not have any control over seeing females in skin-showing clothing?

I'll shut up because I could go on and on, but I would love to hear Eden members' thoughts. PS. I feel an article comin' on! I might just get right on that while it's all fresh in my head. less

WTF!!?? This reminds me of the oppression and propaganda that women in some eastern European countries have to endure! Clothing or style has nothing to do with a man's self control as much as the actions of the person OR the desire of a man or woman to get visually stimulated by appearances. If you see a very beautiful/sexy person, you may look at them but this does not mean you are going to want or get out of control lust by looking. It means you appreciate beauty. Same as a gorgeous piece of jewelery, an amazing garden, the view from the top of the Grand Canyon, THE dress or pair of shoes you must have....etc.

Self control comes from within a person--not from outside influences. If a person is self aware, happy with themselves and has a sense of morality--that person can look, appreciate and goon with their life. The will not 'lose all control' and turn into drooling idiots, stalking, grabbing a woman by her hair and taking her back to his cave....

This is a cop out by a bunch of morality junkies that have no sense of common sense or concept of reality! I heard this mentioned years ago when I was attending a certain church--they were trying to scare young girls/women into chastity and sexual repression by making it 'bad' 'sinful' and 'immoral' to enjoy looking nice or attractive to themselves or the opposite sex. What it actually did was chase the girls out of the community since they were such 'sinners' and so 'bad' that they wanted to look nice and be attractive. It eroded their self-confidence, made them scared to acknowledge that sexuality is a part of their being and destroyed their faith and confidence about the good, caring person they were/could be in the future. I know--I was one of those girls!!!!

And....enough said. I can also go on, but think this is a good place to shut up!!!! (Opening a can of worms is not a good idea--unless you are fishing! LOL!!) less

As a male I think this message got twisted. Most men upon seeing an attractive woman showing skin may have thoughts appear like this, "she looks hot", " I wonder if.....", or more boldly: "I would do it with her in XYZ position while she did ABC to me."

Now, the control of these thoughts is THE GUYS problem and frankly it doesn't matter what a really attractive woman wears if he wants to think of her in these ways. Alot of faith based marriage books talk about men "training their minds" to not pursue the sexual thoughts, but it still remains the males problem.

as a male I can say, yes it is easy for us to fantasize on the fly. It is my job as a married man to be faith to my wife physically and mentally. What females can do is realize most men struggle with this (though they won't say so since its a little humiliating) and help your partner by opening the dialog so he can share his thoughts. less