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Insecurities In A Relationship....

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Contributor: js250 js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
06/11/2013
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Contributor: Dolphin Lady Dolphin Lady
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
I have a few insecurities.
06/11/2013
Contributor: Nezzie13 Nezzie13
My (White) boyfriend admitted that he's not usually attracted to Black women, and that his attraction to me was highly unusual. After learning that, I couldn't really be comfortable with him seeing me completely naked for months. It's funny now given the fact that we'll lounge about in the nude for hours, just staring at each other.
Nonetheless, I admit I feel slightly uncomfortable when we discuss women that he finds attractive, as they inevitably look nothing like me
06/11/2013
Contributor: LoveX LoveX
I honestly don't know my husbands insecurities. He does not make them known at all. My big one is cheating though, but that boils down to things that happened with my family while I was a kid.

Basically, with my cheating insecurity (of him cheating), I don't agree with over the road jobs. I know it's silly, especially in the world we live in today as far as the economy goes. But I would rather be happy and secure, than have a bunch of money left over after bills. It's dumb, I know. He respects it though, him and I were raised very similar, both had over the road truck driver cheating dads.
06/12/2013
Contributor: evanescentowl evanescentowl
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
I'm very insecure about certain parts of my body. He has ways of melting away that insecurity but it always comes back, and that really impacts how comfortable I am being naked around him and for how long.
06/12/2013
Contributor: bratcat bratcat
Quote:
Originally posted by Nezzie13
My (White) boyfriend admitted that he's not usually attracted to Black women, and that his attraction to me was highly unusual. After learning that, I couldn't really be comfortable with him seeing me completely naked for months. It's ... more
I feel the same way with the latter part of your discussion (i am the "biggest" person my partner has been with, weighing more than him by close to 30lbs). While i know celebrities or these other women my partner deems as "cute" or attractive are often unattainable and even if they were i know it's nothing more than a simple feeling of attraction. However, it wont stop me from being a little upset and insecure about it. This is usually because these women are much thinner than i am, having a more "desirable" body type that i just do not have. I have many issues with my body and weight since a very young age, and in the first year or so of my partner and i being together i would get uncomfortable with them even touching my stomach; now we laugh together as he jiggles my fat belly before bed as he spoons me. When my partner mentions being attracted to people with that "ideal" beauty trate it triggers those negative feelings about my body and makes me insecure about how i look to them. Sometimes i will become a little insecure of him spending time with people i feel are better looking than me, although i know nothing would ever come of them spending time together.
I have never asked them to change who they hang out with even if i feel a little uncomfortable just because know the basis of my insecurities and why i feel the way i do, and 100% trust my partner.
06/12/2013
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
My personal insecurities usually end up ruining relationships over time as men seem to think that I am a problem that needs fixing. I don't want to be fixed and that is the problem many men cannot grasp. They claim I am too stubborn and independent and too proud to ask for help to "fix" my insecurities. I feel the opposite about them. I spell it out to them early on in the relationship what they are and that I am not wanting to work on them.

I'm being honest with them as I feel they are something that my partner needs to know. Is it really my problem if he refuses to listen to what I say?
06/12/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
My personal insecurities usually end up ruining relationships over time as men seem to think that I am a problem that needs fixing. I don't want to be fixed and that is the problem many men cannot grasp. They claim I am too stubborn and ... more
I actually really respect that attitude. They're your insecurities and if you choose to live with them instead of trying to get rid of them, that's your right. Besides, those insecurities can make for some very interesting conversations when they rear their ugly little heads.
06/12/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Far more often than I'd care to admit but I am working on them. I have an intense fear of abandonment.
06/12/2013
Contributor: This Is For The Birds This Is For The Birds
I feel very insecure about my boobs. I've always had small boobs my whole life, well at least the 23 years so far of it, but now I have two kids in a three year frame, so they didn't help much.

My husband has told me I could get a boob job, if I wanted to. I don't have a job and while we are married so everything is ours, for something that is huge or cost a lot, I will still ask him. I feel like it is only fair since he is the one making all the money. I do believe since I am a stay at home, or as I say a "Housewife", I should get anything I want as my pay, but it's all about respect also. We have agreed that when the time comes and I can work myself up to doing it, we will use our tax money to pay for them. He likes my boobs as they are, but he wants me to be happy.

As far as his insecurities go, I really don't think he has any. I think his insecurity is the fact that he doesn't make a lot so we live pretty much paycheck to paycheck with two kids and we don't ever get a chance to go out just the two of us or he can't buy me everything I want and he thinks I will find someone richer and leave, even though he knows my theory is money isn't everything.
06/12/2013
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by This Is For The Birds
I feel very insecure about my boobs. I've always had small boobs my whole life, well at least the 23 years so far of it, but now I have two kids in a three year frame, so they didn't help much.

My husband has told me I could get a boob ... more
I'm sorry you feel so insecure about your breasts and I hope what I am about to say will you cause to rethink the operation in general:

- A good surgeon isn't cheap and should be researched thoroughly.

- Implants are not permanent, they have to be replaced approximately every ten years to avoid any serious issues.

- If you do not follow the after-care instructions to the letter, you will have pockets of scar tissue which will cause the implants to settle in the wrong place, the only way to fix this is to have more surgery.

- It is beyond painful and you will not be able to move your arms for quite a number of days, this means hubby will have to bathe you and wipe you after going to the bathroom

Last but not least, surgery will not fix your self-esteem. Women who get implants are often unprepared for the enormous amount of attention they will receive because of it.

If at the end of that, you still feel this is a viable option for you then I wish you the best of luck and hope it turns out the way you want it to!
06/12/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
Oh hell I could go on for hours about this topic! I probably should write an article or something LOL. The breath in my lungs believed from the very beginning of our relationship that one day I would wake up and see the real him. I would be horrified and run, not walk away. Everyone else had left him and he wasn't sure what he had done to drive them away. So how could I be different?

Massive hurdle, no? For one he hadn't done ANYTHING to cause these key people to act like complete human waste. He is an amazing person but this huge insecurity caused him to act in ways that were so very counterproductive they were self destructive. He would drive everyone away before they had the time to walk away...and he couldn't develop good support network. It tore at our relationship because he was terrified to talk about his fear lest it become reality.

It made me doubt myself, him, life in general and even the Gods. I have no solid ground under my feet for nearly 20 years. Now I will tell you a secret that will explain why I am a RABID supporter of this community. It was here that I ended up, broken and filled with self doubt. I washed up here and found people who actually told me that I wasn't a waste of space. I had something to look forward to for the first time in a long time. I could get a toy and then tell an appreciative audience what I thought. After so many years of being kept down for fear I would "wake up" and leave it was like water to parched earth.

Well, I woke up. What I saw was a man who loved me and did things no one else has ever done to try and make me happy. We healed because I had a super special life partner who loves Sigel as much as I do. I found amazing people here and they are still amazing people.

Now a days we work to recognize our insecurities and seek to actively work on them to build a firm foundation. It gets easier with practice and a few willing ears to bend.
06/12/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Nezzie13
My (White) boyfriend admitted that he's not usually attracted to Black women, and that his attraction to me was highly unusual. After learning that, I couldn't really be comfortable with him seeing me completely naked for months. It's ... more
Oh honey those are superficial things he THINKS he likes. Both of my men actually say their perfect woman is a natural redhead (I am decidedly brunette), tall ( I am 5 foot even if I stretch!, physically fit and imposing ( I am short and decidedly round) and in her 20s (I am 42). Still they come to me passionately and my husband tried to make a picture of my lady bits his background picture!

These things he finds attractive are just images. You are the warm, living body he loves to play with.
06/12/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
My personal insecurities usually end up ruining relationships over time as men seem to think that I am a problem that needs fixing. I don't want to be fixed and that is the problem many men cannot grasp. They claim I am too stubborn and ... more
Heh honesty is so very under rated in relationships. Most people think a perfect relationship is built on a tissue of lies wrapped up in not speaking about "certain" issues. It blows and never works but we seem to cling to the model like we are drowning!
06/12/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Woman China
My personal insecurities usually end up ruining relationships over time as men seem to think that I am a problem that needs fixing. I don't want to be fixed and that is the problem many men cannot grasp. They claim I am too stubborn and ... more
Heh honesty is so very under rated in relationships. Most people think a perfect relationship is built on a tissue of lies wrapped up in not speaking about "certain" issues. It blows and never works but we seem to cling to the model like we are drowning!
06/12/2013
Contributor: TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
I think my husband is insecure about my toys. Perhaps that's the reason he doesn't like using them on me. I leave him alone about it. He's used to me having them now, so hopefully there will be a day that he will get over that. It bothered me for awhile. I've grown to accept it.
06/12/2013
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
Hmm... not terribly often, but minor ones do come up (for me) every so often. Usually nothing too big, but they do happen.
06/12/2013
Contributor: twelve13 twelve13
I'm insecure that I typically can only orgasm with a vibrator when on my stomach. Even in partnered sex. :/. It seems less intimate.
06/12/2013
Contributor: ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
How often does yours or your partner's insecurities factor into your relationship. These insecurities can be anything at all that either one of you deal with....

Explanations welcome!
A lot...which is why I'm single a lot. I harbor a lot of bitterness about past relationships which makes it hard for me to be present in the current one.
06/13/2013