The New Intimacy

I recently came out to my mom....

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Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
I recently came out as an atheist to my mom after more than six years in the closet (The rest of my family still doesn't know). I told her because she questioned me directly on the matter. I had reached a point to where I no longer had the resolve to 'hide' and was merely living my life as I saw fit (i.e. I stopped going to church).

She is a devout Christian. I have no quarrel with this. It's her business....but I hate how much she's hurting in thinking that I'm hell-bound. She tells me that she has nightmares about my going to hell, and she cried once while relating this to me.

As her being religious isn't hurting anyone, I promised myself that I would make *no* attempts to dissuade her from her faith, and only talk about my beliefs if she wanted to. In a moment of weakness, because I saw that she was in great pain, I offered her a very good book on evolution (as she is a young earth creationist). She told me that she had read information about evolution, but admitted that it was biased towards "her side," meaning whatever she read was probably HIGHLY inaccurate.

She didn't have any interest in reading the book, which saddened me and also made me a little angry, since she was curious enough to look into the matter (yet apparently not curious enough to read any viable literature that doesn't take a religious stance AGAINST what she was 'trying' to learn about).

I don't really have a question or anything. I just needed to vent some things because this situation has been weighing heavily on me and is why I haven't been on Eden lately.
03/22/2013
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Contributor: js250 js250
I am very much a christian, my daughter is agnostic. It took time for me to acknowledge that she has a very much different belief than I do and I also worry about her. However I have found it comforting to continue my prayers and personal religious beliefs for her--but not to her. I do not know if she knows I am still continuing my personal beliefs, but I do know it would not be right for me to push them onto her. Any more than it would be right to have her try to convince me that her belief is correct.

I did ask her to be able to touch on my beliefs and give my granddaughter the same opportunity to be a christian as I gave her--so she can also make up her own mind as she gets older. My daughter agreed that that was a good idea and fair to everyone.

I sincerely hope that you and your mom can also agree to disagree, work through the issues and continue to love each other and be close!! Do not try to change her mind or in any way make her do or read something she will not believe in--any more than you would want to do anything associated with her beliefs. If she wants more info-she will find it on her own. Same with you.

Give your mom time to process what your beliefs are--do not expect this to be easy for her and --big hugs!! I know this is not easy, but you will both get through it and find a new means of relating that will work for both of you. If you need to talk, vent or ask any questions, please message me!! I may be able to share my experiences and try to help ease your worry and pain. *another hug* I remember how difficult it was when my daughter first told me--how much I felt I failed as a mom and christian and how we both worked through the situation after I had time to get used to it. We are still very close--and still love each other very, very much. I hope this helps in some way to ease your mind!
03/22/2013
Contributor: spiced spiced
I'm an agnostic and a "half-ass" practicing Buddhist. I had similar talks with my (religious and Southern) mom and I was also pained to know how much it bothered her.

We kept talking about it the rest of her life and I guess you could say we agreed to disagree about it. Fortunately we had a lot of other things we agreed on; we focused more on them.
03/22/2013
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
The above reply was wonderful. My mother, even though being an agnostic herself, introduced me to several forms of religion while I was young and let me make my own choices when I got older. It's nice to have a choice.
03/22/2013
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
When I told my parents I was Wiccan (when I was 18), my mom immediately asked if I was gay. After a minute of brain stuttering, I replied "No...how are they connected?"

Thankfully, neither of my parents are THAT religious that we had to get up early on Sunday morning.
03/22/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by WhoopieDoo
I recently came out as an atheist to my mom after more than six years in the closet (The rest of my family still doesn't know). I told her because she questioned me directly on the matter. I had reached a point to where I no longer had the ... more
I feel your pain and I hope that you don't have to make the same decisions that I did with my family. I came out to a baptist/catholic family as pagan and you would have sworn that I had personally spit on them and everything that they believed in...in fact that is exactly what I was told. My parents condemned me to hell fire and secretly baptised my daughters...unlike most converts I don't have a problem with their beliefs and I allowed my daughters to experience many different religious traditions. I believe it builds a better person to learn about other's religious paths.

It got so bad with my family that I had to eventually walk away...and you would think it was because of my poly relationship. They were ok with that but the religion thing was just too much! I could sleep around, have a child with a man who is not my husband, and work for a sex site but being Pagan was where the line was drawn. I wish I was kidding....
03/22/2013
Contributor: Trysexual Trysexual
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
When I told my parents I was Wiccan (when I was 18), my mom immediately asked if I was gay. After a minute of brain stuttering, I replied "No...how are they connected?"

Thankfully, neither of my parents are THAT religious that we had ... more
lol

I had to get up Sunday am til I was 21. My Dad is still in denial 20+ years later that I am not religious, as if I am just taking a break from it and shrugs off all my disgust with all the scandals and corruption in the Catholic church.

In fact, he sent me an email this am telling me to go to Church on Easter. No thanks.
03/22/2013
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
I am very much a christian, my daughter is agnostic. It took time for me to acknowledge that she has a very much different belief than I do and I also worry about her. However I have found it comforting to continue my prayers and personal religious ... more
Thank you very much for your thoughtful response

My only qualm is with her finding more information on her own, as she's already communicated that she is in favor of the creationism-biased theological works that outright lie about evolution. I also have the knowledge (since I was raised in the church and have seen plenty of it) that at least some of these works make wholly unjustified, unsavory claims of "non-believers" in general, which I fear may create a larger chasm between us than need be.
03/28/2013
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
I feel your pain and I hope that you don't have to make the same decisions that I did with my family. I came out to a baptist/catholic family as pagan and you would have sworn that I had personally spit on them and everything that they believed ... more
Just....wow.

I have no intentions of bringing my sex life to light to my family (my other partner has no desire to meet them anyway), but I often wonder if they would condemn me more for my disbelief or my...*ahem* Hedonistic exploits.

I'm sorry to hear that your family could not come to terms with your Paganism :\ *hugs*
03/28/2013