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Falsepast

So, I don't like talking to people in person because I'm VERY shy and a lot of people take this offensively and start throwing a fit claiming that I am very uptight, rude and just all around make me out to be a huge asshole.
So then I tried telling people (as kindly as I could) to leave me alone whenever they tried to talk to me and yet again...

So how exactly am I supposed to appease these people, which is usually the majority of people, because I just hate looking like an asshole. Also, since I'm starting college soon, I would like to make a good impression and make friends (I literally have none now, they all abandoned me when we graduated...turns out they just saw me as a classmate).

07/26/2012

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Cookie Monster Mike

Quote:

Originally posted by Falsepast

I find the people you really make friends with are the ones you connect with on a deeper level and you truly understand each other.

Why do people think your an asshole? Simply put, they don't understand it from your point of view.

Is it everything in general when talking to people in person that your shy with? Or just not sure what to say and/or talk about? As far as finding a helpful way to tell people you really don't want to talk to them, i'm not sure what to suggest on that one

Do you think perhaps this is a form of anxiety? Being in close proximity to people and talking to them? Hope all this makes sense so far, I only just finished my coffee and the caffeine hasn't hit me yet.

07/26/2012

laflauta

I'm really shy too, and I also have moods where I really just want to be alone in my own mind. If I don't want to talk to people, I just try to look busy. Thankfully, being busy is just a natural part of college. If someone tries to talk to you anyway, maybe talk to them briefly and tell them you need to get back to studying.

If you want to make a good first impression, just look like you're having a good time. Smile, ask questions, and be engaged. Would you like a person more if they look like they really enjoy your company, or if they seemed bored and uninterested?

Making friends in college is much easier than in high school. There are more people with more diverse interest, and there isn't the social pressure to look cool. Good luck!

07/26/2012

Envy

I only made like 1 or 2 good friends in college for all the 3 years I went. I'm introverted so I just went to class and went right home after. Only spoke to people when I absolutely had to. I was never called a bitch or anything when I didn't talk to people, people just never came up to me to begin with. Guess I don't look like the type that says "Hey! Come talk to me!" just by looking at me.

I don't really care what people think of me if I'm not a social person. I figure if they're going to think negatively of me for it, they're not worth trying to be friends with anyway.

07/26/2012

ss143

I'm very shy and have social anxiety meeting new people scares the crap out of me guess that's why I have no friends lol. As to making new friends I have no clue not something I am good at. As for avoiding them I go only where I need to and when I go out I have my Ipod on ,most get the point when they hear loud music in my ears or see my headphones on to leave me alone that I am not open for discussion. I agree with Envy ^ don't care anymore what people think of me if they really want to talk to me or get to know me they wont let anything stand in their way and if they do then oh well

07/26/2012

Chilipepper

Introversion and shyness is regarded as suspicious in our extrovert-encouraging society. With so many of the crazies that end up killing people being shy, quiet types before it happened ... you get the idea of what the majority are thinking, which places unnecessary stigma on those of us who'd rather be left alone and not have any sort of contact with humanity.

I have social agoraphobia and anxiety, but having spent several years in a drama program during my school years helped me in 1 - accepting my weirdness in a "normal" world by being the "one character that everyone knows", and 2 - dealing and interacting with the world in small doses.

When you start college, go to the club and association fair at the beginning of the year - this is where all the clubs of the college get together in one place to show the freshmen that they exist and can find a group they can relate to. Joining a group who share your interests (writing, environmentalism, etc) will help in giving you something to focus on with others. You may also seek out your campus' mental health counselor in finding out about integrating into the collegiate life while having shyness - you are not the only person who has ever come to college with introversion.

Lots of luck.

07/26/2012

Claire-Bear

Being a shy person myself, I understand where you're coming from.

You didn't say whether you're simply shy or an introvert as well. Those are different from each other in my opinion, but can coincide with one another. As an introvert, you will always need your time alone to stabilize and recharge. That won't ever change. You will figure out through trial and error how to do that.

As far as shyness goes, success in many areas of life is often based on social connections. You have to figure out if it's worth to you or not. There's really no better advice than to tough it out within reason, as other people aren't going to change on your behalf. I'm not trying to be mean. It's simply what I've learned as a fellow shy person. The sooner you overcome it when most necessary, the better off you will be in life.

07/26/2012

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