The New Intimacy

Hilariouly Terrible Things to say in Bed!

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: Eden C. Eden C.
I had a friend who was fooling around with his girlfriend while I was in the car with them. She started touching him through his clothes, and he said, "Aaaaand Houston, we have liftoff!"

Other ideas include "Fire in the hole!" and, of course, "...Aaaand boom goes the dynamite!"
03/02/2011
  • Upgrade Your Hands-Free Play!
  • Long-distance pleasure set for couples
  • Save Extra 20% On Love Cushion And Toy Set!
  • Complete strap-on set for extra 15% off
  • Save 50% On Shower Nozzle With Enema Set
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
All promotions
Contributor: Solar Ray Solar Ray
There's always the classic... "Is it in yet?". Sure to boost the ego of any guy.
03/03/2011
Contributor: Fannybutts Fannybutts
The Bloggess had an article with a bunch of tweets that was all this.

My favorite from there is "Hi I'm Chris Hansen."
03/03/2011
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Quote:
Originally posted by Solar Ray
There's always the classic... "Is it in yet?". Sure to boost the ego of any guy.
Lol
Feel sorry for the poor guys who have to hear that.
03/03/2011
Contributor: Lady Venus Lady Venus
"You say it's going to be a PENIS when it grows up?"
03/03/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
Quote:
Originally posted by Eden C.
I had a friend who was fooling around with his girlfriend while I was in the car with them. She started touching him through his clothes, and he said, "Aaaaand Houston, we have liftoff!"

Other ideas include "Fire in the ... more
Giggeling is always a no-no too....haha.
03/03/2011
Contributor: Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Venus
"You say it's going to be a PENIS when it grows up?"
LOL!
03/03/2011
Contributor: littlezimmey littlezimmey
First time I had sex, the guy put it in a said "you know we're having sex now right?"

REALLY???
03/05/2011
Contributor: Vaccinium Vaccinium
"So, is your sister up for a three-way?"
03/05/2011
Contributor: IndependentlyHappy IndependentlyHappy
Yeah, giggling is pretty bad. Another classic is, "Um...mind if I take a look down there to make sure I'm putting it in the right place?"
03/06/2011
Contributor: Illusional Illusional
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Venus
"You say it's going to be a PENIS when it grows up?"
LOL
03/06/2011
Contributor: Eden C. Eden C.
Quote:
Originally posted by Lady Venus
"You say it's going to be a PENIS when it grows up?"
No. One day, it will hatch from its cocoon and become a beautiful butterfly!
03/06/2011
Contributor: Beaners Beaners
An ex of mine one time said "Free candy!" right as he slipped in. We were joking about it, and it was kind of an accident, but it was the one time that a mood has ever been totally killed for me. I don't think we had sex for days.
03/06/2011
Contributor: dv8 dv8
Smells like fish, tastes like... fish.
03/06/2011
Contributor: Drakoni Drakoni
"Volcano!"
"Pop goes the weasel!"
"Fizz-fizz!"
"Gosh, that was a gusher."
10/18/2011
Contributor: Breas Breas
Quote:
Originally posted by Solar Ray
There's always the classic... "Is it in yet?". Sure to boost the ego of any guy.
this was the exact thing i thought as soon as I had seen the title of this thread lol
10/18/2011
Contributor: Breas Breas
Quote:
Originally posted by Fannybutts
The Bloggess had an article with a bunch of tweets that was all this.

My favorite from there is "Hi I'm Chris Hansen."
I read that the other day. It's flippin' hilarious!!!!
10/18/2011
Contributor: DiscretionAdvised DiscretionAdvised
"That reminds me, I need to take Grandma to the gynecologist".

Mentioning anything about relatives is an awful idea.
10/18/2011
Contributor: AndroAngel AndroAngel
"For God, Glory, and My Country!" And/or "Manifest Destiny!"

I'm half-Native American. My lover jokes around quite a bit about it. We're both cool with it, he's also mixed race, so we go back and forth with the bad jokes.
10/18/2011
Contributor: karay123 karay123
"Where is it?"
10/18/2011