The New Intimacy

Have you been judged for what happens in your bedroom or your personal life?

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Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Recently, I have found myself in the position of feeling the need to stand up for what happens in my bedroom. This is uncharted ground for me. I am use to defending my dietary choices, my clothing choices, and even my music but never what happens between me and my husband behind closed doors.

I would like to think that some things are said out of ignorance and a lack of understanding. However, I really feel bashed.

Have you even encountered a similar situation? How did you handle it? Did it have long lasting effects?

Eden is such a wonderful place, a place where we can be ourselves without fear of being harassed. We each come from a different place in life and Eden allows us all to come together in an environment that breeds understanding and acceptance. For myself personally, in my everyday life, I have not been exposed to the GLBT community and honestly I had no idea what that term even meant before coming to Eden. My mind and my beliefs have been expanded and I have more acceptance than before.

Thank you Eden.
11/11/2012
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Contributor: travelnurse travelnurse
I agree since coming to Eden I have learned so much and this is a safe place to say what we are into and what we like, this is a judgement free place. NO one should be made to feel "bashed".
11/11/2012
Contributor: KinkyNicki92 KinkyNicki92
I have made so many new friends and have discovered so much about myself since joining eden.
11/11/2012
Contributor: shorejen9 shorejen9
Besides in my own house with my wonderful husband, Eden is the only place I can be myself and have friends to travel with. No one in my real life knows about me here or my blog and I certainly can't tell them about my Eden store. It kills me because I want them to be successful and spread the word but its not worth the judgement I would have to deal with. Eden allows us to learn and explore without negative ignorant comments.
11/11/2012
Contributor: SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
Yep. The one that stand out in my mind is when my sister told me I have sex too much. By too much, of course, she meant more than her. She didn't even know I did anything on Eden. I fully believe what consenting adults do behind closed doors is their business.
11/11/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
Yes, by family and on the forums at times. I stand up for myself and try to educate those that judge, but you can't get through to everyone. It can be upsetting for sure.
11/11/2012
Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
it is hard to figure out how to deal with it all. for the entire day it has been on my mind and bugging me. I keep trying to tell myself that it is a misunderstanding and everything. But each time i go back over it; it is very obvious that this was a bashing and nothing more. Even the wording was done in a bashing manner.

All in all, I think people who don't know a subject or only briefly study about it; should not address the issue. Ignorance and misconceptions have led to many wars and countless casualties.
11/11/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Well, yes. I've been told essentially that my sex drive is too high. It was my own fault because I hinted something to a family member about my sex life. Other than me saying something, no one has ever tried to pry into what happens between my husband and I behind closed doors. Sorry if someone judged you. They have no business doing that.
11/11/2012
Contributor: edeneve edeneve
yes, for who I am & what I think, feel, & do - even looks.
11/11/2012
Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
@ bayosgirl, actually i did not reveal a thing, they just happened to figure it out. i am trying to be evasive on purpose about the actual facts. Although, I have been hurt and feel bashed, I desire to keep anyone from being hurt by my post. All sorts of people might be hurt if I disclose it all and that was not my intention with this post.
11/11/2012
Contributor: emiliaa emiliaa
When I was in a (110% consensual, out in the open, non-invasive) polyamorous relationship I got a lot of shit --and even the nicer people seemed to objectify me as a sex object or a test subject. (Constantly drilling me with really ignorant questions) It was horrible.
11/11/2012
Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Quote:
Originally posted by edeneve
yes, for who I am & what I think, feel, & do - even looks.
that is exactly how i feel. really.. it sucks. and the thing is it is not only me who does this. this affects how others look at people similar to me. I take it very personal. maybe i shouldn't maybe that is my problem. idk. i'm so confused. why did i even listen to the stuff. it has ruined my day. and i'm with my son. it is suppose to be a happy time. i wish he would wake up and we could go do something and get it off my mind..
11/11/2012
Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Quote:
Originally posted by emiliaa
When I was in a (110% consensual, out in the open, non-invasive) polyamorous relationship I got a lot of shit --and even the nicer people seemed to objectify me as a sex object or a test subject. (Constantly drilling me with really ignorant ... more
oh my, i can understand how that would really hurt.

I had never ever heard of that term until a few months ago. Once again Eden has opened my thinking. Before, i would have never said a word. Never would i say something that i know would hurt someone.. but if i knew i would have shaked my head in disbelief and probably just stayed away from someone in that type of relationship. Now, although I personally don't understand it, it does not freak me out or bring up feelings inside of me. I would never stay away from someone because of their sexual preferances or what they do. Before my thinking or shock really was out of ingnorance. I didn't even know what transgender was. shoot, ignorance can really hurt. truly cut to the bone.

i am so glad i'm not an ignorant person anymore. well atleast not as ignorant as before.

Who the heck am i to judge. i love stuff that seems strange during sex too. shoot, i've found out i'm rather kinky and freeky.
11/11/2012
Contributor: travelnurse travelnurse
Quote:
Originally posted by Loriandhubby
oh my, i can understand how that would really hurt.

I had never ever heard of that term until a few months ago. Once again Eden has opened my thinking. Before, i would have never said a word. Never would i say something that i know would hurt ... more
Just remember that what was said and such wasn't aimed at you and the person doing it doesn't know your situation.
11/11/2012
Contributor: Molly Carter Molly Carter
In "real life," very few people know the extent of our D/s relationship. My close friends know we're kinky, but that's about as far as it goes. Some make comments about my sex drive, and the frequency that the hubby and I have sex, but I'd like to think that might come from a bit of jealousy. *wink*

On my blog, I'm very open with our relationship, and my readers have watched it develop from the beginning. I've gotten comments on there, but never really rude, more just uneducated.
11/11/2012
Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by Loriandhubby
Recently, I have found myself in the position of feeling the need to stand up for what happens in my bedroom. This is uncharted ground for me. I am use to defending my dietary choices, my clothing choices, and even my music but never what happens ... more
i'm a lesbian. i'm also a kinky woman. i'm also the submissive in a 24/7 D/s relationship. i get judged all the time. Sometimes by people who don't even know all the things they COULD be judging me for. i try to educate people, though it's usually futile. It hurts, but i know that they are closed minded and ignorant and i feel 100% validated and secure in my choices and my identity which is what really matters.
Eden is usually amazing about accepting each other and educating and understanding. It's great. Once in a while though, this kind of judgment creeps up even here, unfortunately. But for those of us who come with an open mind and desire to expand our thinking, this is a great space for it.
11/11/2012
Contributor: Loriandhubby Loriandhubby
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
i'm a lesbian. i'm also a kinky woman. i'm also the submissive in a 24/7 D/s relationship. i get judged all the time. Sometimes by people who don't even know all the things they COULD be judging me for. i try to educate people, though ... more
HUGS HUGS HUGS, you are awesome.

I remember way back when i first stared on Eden you helped me understand some of the terms i was reading. i had no idea what it even meant. you were so kind and helpful and it was very enlightening.

Life is what it is. this has engulfed my life today and time today. I do believe all will be worked out in the long run. and i really don't think it was done with the intentions of hurting. sometimes things don't come across in type the way it would if were were speaking.

The good news is the lines of communication are open and that is what will heal things. i am sure of it.

at least i choose to believe that.
11/11/2012
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
Yep, since I live in a very religiously conservative area. I've just let it roll off though, since I have a lot of people who I care about who respect my choices
11/11/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
I have learned that Eden is a special area that is rarely ever copied in reality. So many of my friends and family have strong and negative opinions on sex, sex toys, openness in a relationship and 'doing your duty' that I have just learned to tune people out and let them wallow in their ignorance. Just because they are going to have unsatisfactory and ho-hum sexual experiences does not mean my life has to be that narrow.
11/12/2012
Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by Loriandhubby
HUGS HUGS HUGS, you are awesome.

I remember way back when i first stared on Eden you helped me understand some of the terms i was reading. i had no idea what it even meant. you were so kind and helpful and it was very ... more
Awww! i'm so glad i was able to help you! Communication is good. If the people who hurt you are open to listening, then i'm sure all will be healed, and perhaps with some people coming out of it the better for having their eyes opened and being enlightened. Good luck!!!
If there's anything else i can do to help, don't hesitate to inbox me. Even if you just need to vent. i certainly do understand feeling judged, as i said, and i know it can hurt, even if people don't mean to. Recently some folks said something out of hand, very dismissive and willfully choosing to not understand something and it sucks!
11/12/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Not my personal life in particular. It's incredible the amount of people who absolutely refuse to believe anyone over a certain size can have sex (or is allowed to), so I've noticed looks of "OMG DISGUSTING!" on some people's faces whenever a woman over size ten has an obvious sex life. This warped me in my teens the few times I tried to relate with others my age and all I got was a look of disgust and a subject change.

Now I just project "nerd" too much for anyone to associate sexuality with me, so nothing is ever brought up, and I don't talk about or reference my personal life with anyone except very close friends (who are open-minded) and here on EF.
11/12/2012