It wasn't a physical illness, it was a mental illness. My personal safety was on the line so I don't think that particular life experience of mine will apply to your situation.

To play devil's advocate it can be really difficult to be in a relationship where an illness affects bedroom activity. If the two people aren't completely invested in each other, the chances of success are pretty low.

Now for the truth: If he wants to walk, let him. There is no use in trying to keep someone around if they really don't want to be there. This is how abuse and resentment can become a factor, making everyone miserable. less

This is meant with no disrespect to you - I don't know you or how severe the situation is or what you are doing about it, so take this with a grain of salt.

There also comes a time in life when a person has to grow up and learn to deal with whatever brand of disability/illness has been doled to them. A person cannot go through life using their disparity as a crutch. It's unbecoming and will keep one walking in circles for the rest of their lives. less

yea well how would you like to not be able to leave because of bad dirreah or u could wear an adult diaper but NO and u can't take medications you are far too sensitive to them actually make you feel worse. I mean sure if this was a diffrent disability I'd leave the house but I feel calmer and better not being in public worrying oh I'm walking or shoping oh no I'm about to sh*t myself less

When we were first married...I am talking the first month, her appendix burst. She had peritonitis and was in an ICU for a week. Five major abdominal surgeries before she came around...basically ill for a year and a half. I was SHOCKED at the number of people who asked, "are you going to get your marriage annulled", or "seek a divorce"? WHAT?????? The woman I love just got ill and I am supposed to run off...since now things are not "FUN"???? Shows a complete and utter lack of what commitment and love is. Period. 32 wonderful years later, this woman who I love more now then I ever did, is the real sun rising in the morning for me. I feel SO bad for how many people are so shallow. One day they will be less the the beautiful/handsome, young, healthy, sexy, studly person they may be right now. May just be the passage of time, or maybe the dump truck coming around the corner in the next minute. I hope they have someone who cares about them more then they care about others...or life will prove to be very hollow, shallow and lonely for them! less

When we were first married...I am talking the first month, her appendix burst. She had peritonitis and was in an ICU for a week. Five major abdominal surgeries before she came around...basically ill for a year and a half. I was SHOCKED at the number of people who asked, "are you going to get your marriage annulled", or "seek a divorce"? WHAT?????? The woman I love just got ill and I am supposed to run off...since now things are not "FUN"???? Shows a complete and utter lack of what commitment and love is. Period. 32 wonderful years later, this woman who I love more now then I ever did, is the real sun rising in the morning for me. I feel SO bad for how many people are so shallow. One day they will be less the the beautiful/handsome, young, healthy, sexy, studly person they may be right now. May just be the passage of time, or maybe the dump truck coming around the corner in the next minute. I hope they have someone who cares about them more then they care about others...or life will prove to be very hollow, shallow and lonely for them! less

because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of dirrhea and my boyfriend left angry because its that way most of the time he is over if its not me being in bathroom its me in misery laying around or if Its only a little of not feeling well I alway have something I need to get done because I"m not sick like clean my room or get to wal mart...so basically we are dating but don't have a relationship. less

This is meant with no disrespect to you - I don't know you or how severe the situation is or what you are doing about it, so take this with a grain of salt.

There also comes a time in life when a person has to grow up and learn to deal with whatever brand of disability/illness has been doled to them. A person cannot go through life using their disparity as a crutch. It's unbecoming and will keep one walking in circles for the rest of their lives. less

Sadly, my health is pretty shitty. It has prevented me from working in my profession adequately, and probably has threatened my relationship at times. I know My Man would get really frustrated when we were dating and early married, when a severe migraine or IBS attack would lay me low for days at a time.

He has matured and realizes I have no control over surges in bad health. It took a while, but he was willing to work on it, and for my part, I stopped complaining so much. I think I did tend to complain a LOT and had kind of a FML attitude. Changing doctors, trying different therapies, and working on our relationship helps. Years later, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which further limits not only my activities, but my ability to bring in money to the household.

The recession has hit us hard. Really really hard. Our house is worth HALF of what it was worth only 3 or 4 years ago, and we can no longer borrow against it, My Man has not gotten a raise (no one at his employer has except the VPs and the CEO) in nearly 5 years. My health prevents me from working long hours in my field, and most part time jobs want to hire 22 year old girls and won't even LOOK at a woman my age with my education. They figure anyone with lots of education will just move on when the economy gets better, so I'm looked over and ignored for jobs that I can certainly do, but I am overqualified for. Jobs are nearly impossible to come by, my home business is nearly in ruins, but we just keep at it.

I also had to eliminate dozens of foods from my diet, from ALL dairy products (it took a month to see any improvement and a year to see great improvement, but dairy is the worst offender for my IBS) too much fiber (I don't care what they say, I can't eat the stuff in any quantity) and things I am allergic to, like shellfish, peanuts, corn, and about 1000 other things. Giving up favorite foods sucks, but when it finally gets out of your body (it could take months for all the offending proteins to leave your body totally) you do feel better. I'd as likely eat most dairy again as I would swallow a cyanide capsule. But, it took MONTHS of complete abstinence from it to make any difference.


We decided to treat the IBS with a lot of humor. My Man has more diarhea jokes than anyone I know! I also found that many of the meds to prevent pain from the migraines have eased the IBS symptoms, after about 12 different antidepressants were tried, we found one that worked to decrease both IBS and migraine symptoms. But, it took years to find that drug, along with a cocktail of other meds to keep me upright, out of bed and at least reduce the pain somewhat.

I spent up to 6 months in bed (and not supposed to be having sex, but we did, gently) with each of my term pregnancies and up to a week out of commission with each miscarriage. It was rough on our relationship, but we just keep at it. It's worth working at, but both of us are committed.

Life sucks sometimes, but we have found approaching even bad health with a LOT of humor helps. I also get a lot of UTIs and we have taken to calling them "Pee Hole Spiders" (after the viral video) and that helps a lot.

Some of us have shitty health. You have to make what you can of it, and continued persistence with your HCPs and humor are the best things we have found to help us stay sane.

Plus, I knew if My Man loved me enough for me to want to keep him around, he'd have to learn to live with my crappy health. Of course, I changed MY attitude too. He knows when I am sick, just by looking at me, and I don't talk about it much, except to make jokes, occasionally. We proved our love to each other by BOTH changing. less

Sadly, my health is pretty shitty. It has prevented me from working in my profession adequately, and probably has threatened my relationship at times. I know My Man would get really frustrated when we were dating and early married, when a severe migraine or IBS attack would lay me low for days at a time.

He has matured and realizes I have no control over surges in bad health. It took a while, but he was willing to work on it, and for my part, I stopped complaining so much. I think I did tend to complain a LOT and had kind of a FML attitude. Changing doctors, trying different therapies, and working on our relationship helps. Years later, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, which further limits not only my activities, but my ability to bring in money to the household.

The recession has hit us hard. Really really hard. Our house is worth HALF of what it was worth only 3 or 4 years ago, and we can no longer borrow against it, My Man has not gotten a raise (no one at his employer has except the VPs and the CEO) in nearly 5 years. My health prevents me from working long hours in my field, and most part time jobs want to hire 22 year old girls and won't even LOOK at a woman my age with my education. They figure anyone with lots of education will just move on when the economy gets better, so I'm looked over and ignored for jobs that I can certainly do, but I am overqualified for. Jobs are nearly impossible to come by, my home business is nearly in ruins, but we just keep at it.

I also had to eliminate dozens of foods from my diet, from ALL dairy products (it took a month to see any improvement and a year to see great improvement, but dairy is the worst offender for my IBS) too much fiber (I don't care what they say, I can't eat the stuff in any quantity) and things I am allergic to, like shellfish, peanuts, corn, and about 1000 other things. Giving up favorite foods sucks, but when it finally gets out of your body (it could take months for all the offending proteins to leave your body totally) you do feel better. I'd as likely eat most dairy again as I would swallow a cyanide capsule. But, it took MONTHS of complete abstinence from it to make any difference.


We decided to treat the IBS with a lot of humor. My Man has more diarhea jokes than anyone I know! I also found that many of the meds to prevent pain from the migraines have eased the IBS symptoms, after about 12 different antidepressants were tried, we found one that worked to decrease both IBS and migraine symptoms. But, it took years to find that drug, along with a cocktail of other meds to keep me upright, out of bed and at least reduce the pain somewhat.

I spent up to 6 months in bed (and not supposed to be having sex, but we did, gently) with each of my term pregnancies and up to a week out of commission with each miscarriage. It was rough on our relationship, but we just keep at it. It's worth working at, but both of us are committed.

Life sucks sometimes, but we have found approaching even bad health with a LOT of humor helps. I also get a lot of UTIs and we have taken to calling them "Pee Hole Spiders" (after the viral video) and that helps a lot.

Some of us have shitty health. You have to make what you can of it, and continued persistence with your HCPs and humor are the best things we have found to help us stay sane.

Plus, I knew if My Man loved me enough for me to want to keep him around, he'd have to learn to live with my crappy health. Of course, I changed MY attitude too. He knows when I am sick, just by looking at me, and I don't talk about it much, except to make jokes, occasionally. We proved our love to each other by BOTH changing. less

because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of dirrhea and my boyfriend left angry because its that way most of the time he is over if its not me being in bathroom its me in misery laying around or if Its only a little of not feeling well I alway have something I need to get done because I"m not sick like clean my room or get to wal mart...so basically we are dating but don't have a relationship. less

You know, now I remember...I think I've tried to talk to you about this before and you put up the same defensive reactions to all of the suggestions everyone made.

There is always a solution to a problem, whether you want to work towards it or not is entirely up to you. less

Maybe she is on the defensive because you are making her feel attacked. She is opening up about a disability that she has - one that you admit to knowing nothing about living with - and you are essentially just telling her to suck it up. Obviously she is coping with it every day as best as she can, she is just coming to this forum for encouragement and maybe practical solutions - NOT holier than thou condescension. less

Congratulations to CPTinsanity for being able to overcome this illness and for your successful surgeries.

P'Gell and kinky girlfriend, my heart really does go out to both of you. I do not have a personal experience with this but I can only imagine that when it seems like everything in your world is falling apart, the last thing you want to wrestle with is a relationship slump. Of course, that's how this stuff works every time though, right? Economic problems, health issues, addiction, whatever bad stuff can get thrown your way, tends to shake the pillars of stability in your life (your faith, your most significant relationships). P'Gell, I'm happy things have stabilized at least in that aspect - your relationship - and kinky girlfriend, I'm hoping you are able to find some kind of workable solution to your current situation. less

For my part, I have a good friend I'd dated on-and-off who eventually developed Crohn's Disease, and I'm sad to admit that that was one of the reasons that I decided not to take things further with him. (There were other legitimate reasons too, but I just saw that as being such a stressor...)

And then once, when I was much younger, my boyfriend had mono (he caught it on vacation, and I was able to protect myself and avoid catching it too). It took him a long time to fully recover, and that included no sex for a while even after he was out of bed for other things. I didn't have the greatest communication skills back then, and no sex cut me to the core and I assumed it meant he didn't love me anymore, so after several weeks of thinking he didn't care about me I broke up with him. Of course now I realize that was just residual illness and I feel like a heel, but at the time I was so broken-hearted...

Yeah, so I've been leery of dating folks with health issues. That's shallow of me. Sorry, folks with health issues. less

thank you sometimes a "I wish you the best" and a smile can make you feel cared about and encouraged. TO be honest I can't remember the last time I heard my boyfriend say I love you...But I know some people just don't say those words they just show it and be there for people they just don't think about those words because they are busy thinking and showing it or something..I think a month ago it was he said he worries about me,thinks about me alot and loves me like his little sister (who is 3 years old)He doesn't mean in a way like I might as well be his sister he is romantically interested still lol. Just sayin he loves me and cares about me as much as another person he cares about the most. Sometimes words are only words I feel that way when he is pissed off and says the relationship is a dead end and everyone is telling him to cut his losses and run. But also I can understand his feelings of frustrations..but still love is patient,love is kind,does not boast,does not envy..well u know the rest. less

because of my severe ibs my boyfriend have almost broken up a few times this year. With our work schedules we hardly see each other when its our time together I'm always sick and don't want to do anything...like last night had a ton of dirrhea and my boyfriend left angry because its that way most of the time he is over if its not me being in bathroom its me in misery laying around or if Its only a little of not feeling well I alway have something I need to get done because I"m not sick like clean my room or get to wal mart...so basically we are dating but don't have a relationship. less