The New Intimacy

Guy Rules

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Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I did an honest to deity search and couldn't find this thread, so I decided to start it.

I am fully aware I could lose man-points for making it public, but I think it's a good time to discuss the "Man rules" comedians oft joke about.

Example: The one urinal space. If a guy goes into the bathroom and another guy is there, it's customary to take the furthest urinal or at least leave one urinal between you.
10/14/2010
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Contributor: Kindred Kindred
Following the urinal theme:

When using the urinal next to another guy, never look anywhere else but straight ahead at the wall or down at the urinal. And never ever make conversation until you're both washing your hands.
10/14/2010
Contributor: Alicia Alicia
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
Following the urinal theme:

When using the urinal next to another guy, never look anywhere else but straight ahead at the wall or down at the urinal. And never ever make conversation until you're both washing your hands.
Which is so funny because women will talk through the stalls to each other while they're peeing!
10/14/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
Following the urinal theme:

When using the urinal next to another guy, never look anywhere else but straight ahead at the wall or down at the urinal. And never ever make conversation until you're both washing your hands.
This rule can ONLY be broken if you are VERY good friends with the guy you are going to talk to.
10/14/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
Isn't it same for the public showers for men?
10/14/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Envy
Isn't it same for the public showers for men?
more so
10/14/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
When your wife asks if an outfit makes her look fat, you must immediately and without hesitation say "Not at all dear. You look fabulous!" At least you should say that if you ever want to have sex again.
10/14/2010
Contributor: The Nakanas The Nakanas
No fruit in the beer!
10/14/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by The Nakanas
No fruit in the beer!
What about Corona?

Another guy rule: Do as much stuff as possible at the same time. This doesn't mean "multi-task". It's more of a "stuff the dishwasher as full as possible" thing or brush your teeth, shave, and wash up in the shower.
10/15/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
What about Corona?

Another guy rule: Do as much stuff as possible at the same time. This doesn't mean "multi-task". It's more of a "stuff the dishwasher as full as possible" thing or brush your teeth, shave, and wash up in the shower.
Corona just is not right without the lime.

I do the shower thing.
10/15/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
Always attempt to build something before actually looking at the instructions. At least that's what I do
10/15/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
Always attempt to build something before actually looking at the instructions. At least that's what I do
right...how hard can Ikea or Sauder actually be
10/15/2010
Contributor: Pleasure Piratess Pleasure Piratess
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Corona just is not right without the lime.

I do the shower thing.
Lime is not a fruit, its a citrus.
10/15/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Pleasure Piratess
Lime is not a fruit, its a citrus.
It's a plant object that develops from the ovary and encloses seeds. It's a fruit.

Citrus as well, but all citrus are fruits.
10/15/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Cussing is part of the ritual of assembling something (with or without use of the directions). Bonus points for creating original swear words and phrases to describe the object in question.

I've observed this in ALL the men I know.
10/15/2010
Contributor: Kindred Kindred
Here's an easy one:

Never ask for directions. If you just keep driving, you'll eventually pass something you recognize.
10/15/2010
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Something my dad and older brother always told me, Band-aids are for when there is not Duck-tape or masking tape around. Funny thing is masking tape works really good.
10/15/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by ToyTimeTim
Something my dad and older brother always told me, Band-aids are for when there is not Duck-tape or masking tape around. Funny thing is masking tape works really good.
I've always had duct tape work better for me. I've done a lot of work with masking tape while doing hand drafting and it always ends up peeling before I'm ready for it to come off, lol
10/19/2010
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
When your wife asks if an outfit makes her look fat, you must immediately and without hesitation say "Not at all dear. You look fabulous!" At least you should say that if you ever want to have sex again.
GRRRR.......That one drives me nuts

My husband has leanred to say "the other one looks better" or something like that. Ide rather him be honest, even if it means "you look more like a stripper then my wife" or anything really. As long as hes honest I dont care
10/19/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Kindred
Here's an easy one:

Never ask for directions. If you just keep driving, you'll eventually pass something you recognize.
This also connects to my "Theoretical Geography".

You are on a road that goes North/South. You need to go South. Stay on that road and you'll eventually get there.

Cynthia says I have a GPS in my future...
10/20/2010
Contributor: J's Alley J's Alley
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
This also connects to my "Theoretical Geography".

You are on a road that goes North/South. You need to go South. Stay on that road and you'll eventually get there.

Cynthia says I have a GPS in my future...
Dear heavens...J does this and it makes me batty.

Along that note...If a man MUST get directions...he sends whoever is in the car with him...ugh.
10/20/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Here's another driving one I've observed in multiple guys:

Whenever on a roadtrip, every single time you make this drive a man must aim to either meet or exceed the time limit acheived from the last time.

"We're making good time but if we stop we'll get there 20 minutes later than we did last time. Let's just keep making good time. Hold it! You don't have to pee. It's all in your head."
10/20/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Darling Jen
Here's another driving one I've observed in multiple guys:

Whenever on a roadtrip, every single time you make this drive a man must aim to either meet or exceed the time limit acheived from the last time.

"We're making ... more
Seconded. Although it's kinda sad to see age catch up to them and they don't want to admit it. Going on road trips with my father (almost 60 years) has become very painful as he tries to fight his body and continue the way he did it when he was 30. (Example: Road trip from Florida to Missouri used to take a day-and-a-half. Now it's two-and-a-half days.)

That's another rule: not admitting the limitations of age are slowing them down.
10/20/2010
Contributor: Darling Jen Darling Jen
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
Seconded. Although it's kinda sad to see age catch up to them and they don't want to admit it. Going on road trips with my father (almost 60 years) has become very painful as he tries to fight his body and continue the way he did it when he ... more
Exactly. And yeah, it's hard to see them deny their limitations and hurt themselves. They act as if we women will think "Oh he's so not tough, he had to pee." As if we care about their potty schedules. But I know they all think we do. We spend more time thinking "I wish he'd just stop trying to pretend and just go", which actually draws more attention to their situation than just dealing with nature when it calls.
10/20/2010
Contributor: Blinker Blinker
Is it a guy rule to spin your dick around like a helicopter? My boyfriend does that in my face and yells "HELI-PENIS!".
10/20/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
I did an honest to deity search and couldn't find this thread, so I decided to start it.

I am fully aware I could lose man-points for making it public, but I think it's a good time to discuss the "Man rules" comedians oft ... more
Ha, I was on tour a few years ago and a good friend (who is totally insane, and so much fun) was filling in on bass. I went into a bathroom somewhere and there was a wall of like 30-40 full length urinals. There was no one else in the bathroom at all and I walked up to the very last one; the one farthest away from the door. So then in walks my friend a few seconds behind me and he walks the whole way down to where I am at and uses the urinal right next to me. So then he looks right at me the whole time talking to me and I just start laughing so hard I couldn't stop. Of course a whole bunch of people come in and give us funny looks. I think he did the same thing at another stop where he stood next to me and pulled his pants the whole way down at the urinal.
10/20/2010
Contributor: BeautiFullFigured BeautiFullFigured
Quote:
Originally posted by Alicia
Which is so funny because women will talk through the stalls to each other while they're peeing!
Hah! Very true!
02/14/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Straight single men will vanish the few days before and after Valentine's Day. When they finally return, they act as if the time never happened.

Friends-with-benefits guys will vanished the week before and the week after, but will bitch and rage against the holiday.
02/14/2011
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
Quote:
Originally posted by Blinker
Is it a guy rule to spin your dick around like a helicopter? My boyfriend does that in my face and yells "HELI-PENIS!".
No.
02/18/2011
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Cheeseburgers trump salad EVERY TIME, (except taco salad).
04/21/2011