The New Intimacy

Friends With Benefits...

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Contributor: js250 js250
-What do you think about the FWB relationship?
-Have you been involved in one?
-In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of a relationship of this type?
-What would your ground rules be if you entered into one of these relationships?

I had a long discussion with a close friend of mine about the pros and cons of a FWB relationship. She is considering entering into one and wanted to knwo my thoughts on the situation. I have to say that some of my own thoughts really surprised me and was pretty insightful. This was my second conversation about this in the last couple weeks...the first one being from a friend of mine who advised me to try this when I felt ready to venture out into the sexual/dating world. (Not to sure if this is something I want to think about for me at this point--but maybe in the distant future...)
05/09/2014
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Contributor: edeneve edeneve
I've tried it. it ended cuz he couldn't get it up when we got to intercourse - 2 different times. things ended w/i 3 weeks.

I have questions for myself about how I can do FWB.

1. do I start w/ friends first?

2. what does the friendship look like?

3. how soon does FWB begin after meeting someone?

4. can I do FWB w/ a friend I've got an established friendship with?

5. if I do FWB w/ a person I've been friends w/ for some time, will it change my feelings for the person?

6. can I even do FWB w/o becoming emotionally involved.

the FWB relationship didn't last long enough for me to find answers to some of these questions.
05/09/2014
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
-What do you think about the FWB relationship?
-Have you been involved in one?
-In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of a relationship of this type?
-What would your ground rules be if you entered into one of these ... more
I cannot speak from personal experience, but I know a few people who have tried this. It always ended badly. One or the other person would develop more feelings then the other one, and then it lead to pain and drama...the opposite of what the relationship was designed to avoid.
05/09/2014
Contributor: The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary The-IT-Guy-And-My-Secretary
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
-What do you think about the FWB relationship?
-Have you been involved in one?
-In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of a relationship of this type?
-What would your ground rules be if you entered into one of these ... more
Gotta say that people say that FWB's work and I completely disagree.

I am saying this because for and FWB to work you have to both be able to completely ignore any sort of emotion you have for the other person before and after sex.

The truth is if you make a Man or a Woman cum really really hard there are emotions involved. After that happens a few times all bets are off that jealously starts coming out. Nothing you can do about it. I have seen it dozens of times.

Oh yeah... and BTW its on the MANS side too men!
05/10/2014
Contributor: The Ink-Stained Feminist The Ink-Stained Feminist
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
-What do you think about the FWB relationship?
-Have you been involved in one?
-In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of a relationship of this type?
-What would your ground rules be if you entered into one of these ... more
Am currently involved in a situation similar to this, via texting. It's working out okay. We chatted for a while first and then both got horny and gave it a go. It's been nice, but I think we are avoiding a good number of the complications by living on opposite sides of the country. Before it started I very clearly laid out that I have zero interest in a romantic relationship, and if I was with someone it would be purely physical. When we aren't getting down we just talk like we did before. So far no problems.
05/21/2014
Contributor: SaucyxGirl SaucyxGirl
-What do you think about the FWB relationship? I think that they can be great given certain circumstances and as long as everyone is up front and honest.

-Have you been involved in one?Yes.

-In your opinion, what are the pros and cons of a relationship of this type?
Pros-No string sex..no worries about commitment...no relationship drama...freedom
Cons- Can end badly if not handled properly.

-What would your ground rules be if you entered into one of these relationships?
The first rule is there needs to be open and honest communication. Make sure that everyone is not only on the same page but the same paragraph.
Second rule is set boundaries.
Those two rules are by far the most important and from there other rules can be tailored for all parties involved.


Advice: A friends with benefits can be difficult but if handled properly they can also be fun. Keep in mind that most end badly due to someone falling for the other...so communication is a must. Both parties need to be upfront and honest about the fact that this is merely a FWB.
05/29/2014
Contributor: charmedtomeetyou charmedtomeetyou
(Review Program Mentor)
Ok, I've done this in the past with great success. I think the deciding factor is the two people involved and their mindset. I'm still friends with those involved, and it wasn't an emotionless or sterile situation where we ignored any and all feelings. We were just totally open and honest from the start about how we were feeling, and trusted the other to do the same.

The moment that one of you keeps things to themselves, so that the sex can continue, or hopes that it will build to a romantic relationship, the whole thing falls apart. That's a function of the people, how they view sex, whether they can have sex with someone they care about without needing it to be a romantic relationship, and the trust involved. There has to be attraction, and you need to know yourself well enough to know that you can enjoy the sex and the attraction but not attach romance to it. Honesty and communication is essential, with yourself, and with your friend.

So -- Can everyone make FWB work? I don't think so. But, it can work.
05/30/2014