The New Intimacy

Friends who are chronic complainers.....

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Contributor: js250 js250
We have all had them, the friends that are negative about their relationships, other friends and family. Do you find yourself taking on these negative traits when around them or do you fight them off?

What does this do to your relationship?
To your other friendships?
05/06/2013
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Contributor: KinkyKatieJames KinkyKatieJames
I went through a stage here like 80% of my friends were like that. I was there for them and would always listen, but honestly, it was really depressing. What sucked is when I had a bad day and the person was too focused on their own problems to help me out. Since then, I have started making friends with more positive people. It definitely was a mood lifter.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Chelynn67 Chelynn67
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
We have all had them, the friends that are negative about their relationships, other friends and family. Do you find yourself taking on these negative traits when around them or do you fight them off?

What does this do to your ... more
I fight doing that
05/06/2013
Contributor: rosythorn rosythorn
It depends on the person, I have one friend that we are complaining buddies
but yes I have friends who complain all the time and I distance myself from them.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Sbmsvschoolgirl Sbmsvschoolgirl
My sister has been doing that lately. It's the end of the semester and she's stressing out, plus she's got a difficult summer semester coming up. I can't even imagine how hard grad school must be, but I'll be glad when she doesn't have school to complain about.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Coco85 Coco85
I had a friend like that but I don't any more because of how it made me feel being around constant "negative energy". It damaged my relationship with my boyfriend and my past relationships because it seemed to rub off on me. Since I stopped hanging out with her I feel much more positive and happy.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Pumpk1nPatch Pumpk1nPatch
So many people I know are like that and it's easy to find common ground with negativity. I try and do just the opposite when I'm around that type of person.
05/06/2013
Contributor: purpleflower1972 purpleflower1972
It's hard to deal with sometimes, I agree.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
Most of the friends that I had that constantly were negative or complaining I'm not really friends with anymore - more like acquaintances. I can handle it for a while, but if they're always like that I just can't. I have family that's like this too, and it's a downer to deal with, because they just can't ever be positive about anything.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
I'll try my best to block their negative energy, then gradually distance myself from them. My mom is always negative on everything, and it drives me insane, so I moved to a different state!
05/06/2013
Contributor: ShadowedSeductress ShadowedSeductress
I don't really have many friends because of that. About a year ago I decided I wanted to try and eliminate as much negativity from my life as possible. I deleted half my friends list on facebook and I stopped talking to a lot of others.
05/06/2013
Contributor: married with children married with children
I try to not let them get me down. I have a few co-workers at work like this. And it can be hard some times, trying to deal with them and still be nice.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Real or memorex Real or memorex
I like hearing people bitch. It's cathartic to do it and lets off steam, and we take turns ranting.
05/06/2013
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
I avoid them after a while. If I'm only good for complaining to, I'm not really a friend.
05/06/2013
Contributor: Gary Gary
It depends. I don't like being around extremely negative people. But if I have a friend who is going through a funk, or struggling with certain real life problems like work or relationships, and I cut them slack.
05/07/2013
Contributor: Mr. John Mr. John
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
We have all had them, the friends that are negative about their relationships, other friends and family. Do you find yourself taking on these negative traits when around them or do you fight them off?

What does this do to your ... more
I feel a persons makeup is determined by the people they associate with. A friend is a person I enjoy being with. So, I would not consider people with these negatie aspects you describe as being friends, nor are they people I would want to associate with.
05/07/2013
Contributor: js250 js250
I used to, but noticed it was taking a toll on my other relationships. I ended up cutting her out of my life and hanging out with more positive people.
05/07/2013
Contributor: HarlequinBunnie HarlequinBunnie
Quote:
Originally posted by js250
We have all had them, the friends that are negative about their relationships, other friends and family. Do you find yourself taking on these negative traits when around them or do you fight them off?

What does this do to your ... more
I don't endulge negative relationships anymore. I try to distance myself from people who are always dragging everyone else down. It's not easy when it's family though.
05/07/2013
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
I am someone that needs the people in my life to contribute something to it and negative people never do.
05/07/2013
Contributor: misskat misskat
I have a few friends like that, one in particular. Being around her actually makes me do MORE than "fight them off." I want so much to NOT sound like her that it makes me rarely mention a problem to her at all!

Granted, if any of her problems were real, I would be sympathetic-- but they're not.
05/07/2013
Contributor: Llewey Llewey
Yes, unfortunately. Like misskat, I avoid talking about negative things with negative people; it's a never-ending downward spiral! I try to redirect the conversation to something neutral or positive, and I don't care if my redirection is "subtle" or not. Recently I showed my friend some pictures I've been taking, and she got out of that negative rut.

I really try to be understanding, but if it's all negativity all the time for a LONG time, I'd have to consider avoiding the person. However, it's important to make the distinction between pointless negativity and thoughtful, passionate disagreement. I love a good, studied rant from time to time.
05/07/2013