The New Intimacy

Fellow INFJ folk - question for you

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Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Since we know what our INFJ means and accept it, how many of you always feel that you're being shamed for being one ... ?

"You take things too seriously."
"Why can't you be casual about dating?"
"You're going to have to learn to be blaise about things."
"Go out and Live like the rest of us!"
"Are you all right? You're sitting here by yourself."

If not outright being ridiculed for referencing our personality type for any number of reasons and being told not to let a niche define who we are (which always puzzled me, because I was already that way before I knew the niche existed).

I get the general feeling that the majority just doesn't want to deal with taking it into account, and expect us to be as blaise and casual about everything as they are.

Maybe this is more of a rant, but I just cannot get the hang of doing things that other personalities take for granted - being appropriately sociable, casually dating, being in the middle of large groups at a constant energy, etc.

Any other INFJ's feel outcasted for being who they are?
09/30/2012
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Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
I know what you mean. I often feel that my friends take it personally when I express dislike over attending large parties with them. They don't seem to understand that it's really draining for me, and that I don't particularly like socializing. I really prefer one-on-one communication.

My INTP boyfriend understands me a lot better, as he needs a lot of alone time too and doesn't like talking for the sake of it.

A guy I used to know often made comments such as the ones you mentioned, but he just made me feel bad about myself in general. I don't think it's a coincidence that my self-esteem has greatly improved since cutting him out of my life.
10/01/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by solitudinarian
I know what you mean. I often feel that my friends take it personally when I express dislike over attending large parties with them. They don't seem to understand that it's really draining for me, and that I don't particularly like ... more
Definitely about the parties - I went to one on Friday (this is Tuesday) and I still don't feel "myself" yet. Draining, but still had its fun moments.

I think what bothers people about it is that they thought I was this way because of my ex-husband, who was very controlling and isolated me. It's been three years since I let him go, and I'm still the same person (but incredibly less-stressed).

I guess this is just something we have to put up with for being the most rare personality type. No one really knows what to do with us.
10/02/2012
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
I've got one tonight. Wish me luck!

I went through depression and many thought I was quiet and withdrawn because of it. I'm better now and still am that way, I just don't cry or have panic attacks as often. It's good that you were able to let him go.

It seems that way. It was kind of reassuring to learn that INFJs are the rarest type. Now I understand why I feel so different to everyone else.

It's good to know that there is another INFJ on Eden.
10/05/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by solitudinarian
I've got one tonight. Wish me luck!

I went through depression and many thought I was quiet and withdrawn because of it. I'm better now and still am that way, I just don't cry or have panic attacks as often. It's good that you ... more
One of the guys at the party wants to start dating, so we met again last night - and he knows about the Meyers-Briggs and identifies as a ENFP (which is compatible), so he knows what he's getting into with me. This should be fascinating.

I think there's a few more of us around here.

How did the party go?
10/06/2012
Contributor: fernwehh fernwehh
I'm also an INFJ and have really often had people tell me those sort of things, which made me feel broken and messed up and bad at relating to others, when really I don't think it was me but rather the people who were telling me how uptight/serious/whatev er I was. At this point in my life I'm working in a job where it's necessary to have interactions with "the public" all day and that can be really trying for me because I do tend to take things so seriously even when I know logically it's not a big deal. I just dwell on things and have a hard time letting go sometimes, and taking my work home with me causes a lot of stress.

I have a friend who is great because she can subtly encourage me to stop getting into my weird obsessive thought cycles without acting rude or invalidating me, so she's been a great help. I have no idea what her personality type would be, she's much more outgoing and doesn't think so hard about things, but she has a sensitivity that I really appreciate as an INFJ who can sometimes get really dark and depressed over the difficult interactions I have day to day. Also, it's cool to know there are other INFJs on Eden!
10/06/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by fernwehh
I'm also an INFJ and have really often had people tell me those sort of things, which made me feel broken and messed up and bad at relating to others, when really I don't think it was me but rather the people who were telling me how ... more
Oh, God, yeah - the public service jobs that drain us so much. What's even worse is if an employer has a vague idea about the Meyers-Briggs and thinks "Oh, you're the Counselor! You'll totally relate to people and be good in customer service!" >_<

I had to fight with one customer service instructor in college every other day because she refused to believe that having to deal with the public drains me. She finally got the hint when I begin turning in "simulation exercise responses" with absolutely horrific (but insanely funny) responses to difficult-customer situations ("You want to get me fired because company policy won't do things your way? Okay, bitch, buckle up and hold onto your prissy ass - I'm going to give you a fucking good reason to fire me ... ").

And those types of friends are best to have - they know it's part of who you are, but won't let you "drown" in it. Don't you love how we can over-think and over-analyze ourselves into a corner?

So welcome to our quiet little spot and have a cup of tea with us. ^_^
10/06/2012