The New Intimacy

Fake prudish and judgemental "friends"

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Contributor: J's Alley J's Alley
I just have to ask...

About a month ago I took one of my oldest friends (been friends for 11 years) to dinner. Afterward we walked over to Hustler (I was running SUPER low on lube and figured I would pick some up). Now, this darling girl is NOT a prude by any means. She and her hubby had their sex parties and whatnot...so, we get there and she acts all disgusted with the store...she tends to pretend to be a prude so people won't figure out the "kind of girl" she really is. To each their own...no biggie.

We go upstairs to so I can get my lube (and dammit wouldn't you know it...they were out of it! That's what I get for not ordering extra from EF) and she says "I don't get why people need toys...my man satisfies me every time. I have no need to replace him." Nice...as well as a bit condescending.

I simply say "J satisfies me too...but mixing it up is SO much fun." Come to find out she says it is awful that I let J "beat me." RIGHT! NOT! It took everything I had in me to keep from saying that some people would find it odd that she and her man liked to swing (I don't, but some people would...you all know it).

So how many of you have friends like this? She knows my lifestyle (and has tried to "help" me leave it too (I have no idea WHY). Our other best friend has the same life style I do but reverse (she is the Domme and he is the sub), I feel awful because she hides it from her for fear of being put down because of her choices. I avoid doing things with this particular friend because of little comments here and there that irritate me to hell and back. In fact...she and her husband split and I actually enjoy spending time with him because he thinks I am a totally awesome wife for being so open to anything J wants.

Sorry, I had to vent here. I could take to my blog, but you know...people might get all pissy and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings (like I actually care, right?).
11/19/2010
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Contributor: Kindred Kindred
If she is truly a friend then you should talk to her about it. Let her know how you feel and that your lifestyle choices are just that, YOUR lifestyle choices. She does not have to approve or agree, but she should respect that they are your choices. Also explain that you respect whatever choices she makes, regardless, because that's what friends do. We accept one another for who we are, not for the choices we make. Remind her that if she can't say anything nice about the subject, that you would prefer she say nothing at all. If she doesn't respect your choices, then I would question how good a friend she truly is. Just my 2 cents.
11/19/2010
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Quote:
Originally posted by J's Alley
I just have to ask...

About a month ago I took one of my oldest friends (been friends for 11 years) to dinner. Afterward we walked over to Hustler (I was running SUPER low on lube and figured I would pick some up). Now, this darling girl is ... more
I had a friend who used to be a stripper, I mentioned to her that I would like an abstract nude tattooed onto my foot. Well, she let into me with some speach about how having a depiction of breasts on my foot was degrading to myself and all women. It showed that I had no class etc. This is a woman who stripped in dive bars until she was 6 months pregnant with her 4th kid.

I asked her why she felt that a depiction of a nude was so degrading towards women and her reply was that nobody appreciates breasts anymore. Now I don't know if she was having a hard time getting her point across, or just being judgemental for the sake of feeling like she was fighting for something even if she had no idea what it was... I thought it best to point out that it't not breasts that people are losing appreciation for. It's the women attached to them, and she as a woman should be able to make that distinction.

I am no longer friends with this woman, I found it impossible to carry on a conversation with her. I can certainly relate to your story though. In my opinion, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
11/19/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
I actually started a thread called "Prude" Friends? a couple weeks ago that was very similar to your dilemma. A lot of people had good input, if you're interested in seeing their responses.

It's a shame that even people who call themselves friends are too insecure with their sexuality and judge us for what we're into, even in this day and age. I honestly have considered moving and starting a new life just because I feel like no one is on the same wavelength as me and my man.
11/19/2010