The New Intimacy

Ever been GROPED in public (by a stranger...that is).

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Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Young lady I work with went to NY with her husband last weekend for a play on Broadway. They took the subway in MID DAY. Lot's of business travelers.

All of a sudden she feels a hand right on her breast. She thinks it is her husband, who is behind her. She turns, only to see a guy, dressed well in business attire, grinning and mouthing "oops, sorry".

She was so shocked she didn't say a word and didn't even say anything to her husband, fearing he would clock the guy right there in the subway car, and she didn't tell him after, since he would then be angry she had NOT told him!!! (can't win).

Anyway, I have never been "groped" in public, but I really have never been in those kind of crowded places. I did ride the subway in Atlanta, for a few years, but it was NEVER "wall to wall" people.

Anyone ever been GROPED (it WAS obvious in her case...not an "accidental touch")in public? What did YOU do about it?
10/29/2011
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Contributor: Beck Beck
Yes actually, but it was an accident. Same kind of story, had a guy walk up to me from behind and grabbed my ass. I screamed, then turned around and he was as frightened as I was, he had thought I was his wife also.
10/29/2011
Contributor: Rarity Rarity
I live in NYC and this has not happened to me before.

I'm sorry for your coworker. It seems as though there are a lot of gropers making it onto the news lately.
She should have made a big deal out of it on the subway. People like him are absolutely disgusting.
10/29/2011
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
This has happened to me before. I was 14 or 15 in a crowd for new years' or something like that with one of my friends and her dad. This 20 something guy behind my grabbed my butt. The first time I just tried to ignore it, but then he did it again so I elbowed him and it knocked him to the ground. I felt pretty good that my teenage self was able to take him down like that. After that happened my friend's dad took us to another part of the park for the rest of the night.
10/29/2011
Contributor: newlady newlady
I worked a record 1 day at a Tim Hortons and quit because the lady 'boss' patted me on the butt. Not really a grope, but intrusive and creepy nonetheless....
10/29/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
I was a cocktail waitress and bartender about 20 years ago. Luckily I worked for a woman that had NO tolerance for that kind of crap, so grope me once, gone for 2 weeks. Grope me twice-permanent.
10/29/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I think she should have made a scene right there in the subway. When that's happened to me I've always made a scene, I think it's only appropriate. If you take the liberty to touch me without my permission, I am going to take the liberty to tell everyone what you just did (and do it very loudly). In fact, in this age of technology, I would have considered whipping my cell phone out and taking a picture of the man! (Then mouthed "oops, sorry!")

She has nothing to be ashamed of, and it makes me sad that she felt she needed to keep it a secret to "protect" her husband. However her husband reacted to it is his responsibility, not hers. Now she had that happen to her, and is just going to keep it a secret forever. That really makes me sad.
10/29/2011
Contributor: LQ LQ
I've only been groped by drunk guys at concerts. Between the alcohol & wall-to-wall people, I don't find it a big deal. I just raise an eyebrow & say something like "Hey, I bet the security guy there might enjoy getting in on this too!" or something randomly insulting. The gropers tend to get embarrassed & run off, avoiding me the rest of the night. 99% of them slink away in shame if you actually call them on it.

I always read in womens' magazines about how this is a huge problem & women fear going out due to potential groping, etc., etc. But among the women I know, very few have actually experienced this. *shrug* I think most of the women I know are pretty good about standing up for themselves, and project a bit of a don't-mess-with-me thing.

Truthfully, though... a butt grab isn't something that's going to traumatize me much. If it was in a situation like work where there's an ongoing contact with the person, yeah, that would be a problem & I'd take action. But on the subway or whatever... I'd pretty much just laugh at his lameness.
10/29/2011
Contributor: married with children married with children
no, but she has been groped by me in public. does that count?
10/30/2011
Contributor: starklover starklover
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
no, but she has been groped by me in public. does that count?
I love it
10/30/2011
Contributor: Love Perpetua Love Perpetua
I've had my butt 'accidentally' groped on the train, but it's hard to tell what's an accident or not when people are packing in like sardines.
10/30/2011
Contributor: SMichelle SMichelle
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
Young lady I work with went to NY with her husband last weekend for a play on Broadway. They took the subway in MID DAY. Lot's of business travelers.

All of a sudden she feels a hand right on her breast. She thinks it is her husband, who ... more
Yes. And it was not an accident.

I was simply walking home one night, when a guy grabbed me out of nowhere.
He groped me, I pushed him away. He grinned and said, "very nice", and walked away.

I was terrified, and didn't know what to do.
10/30/2011
Contributor: Rossie Rossie
Nope, never had that happen to me, I'm very aware of my surroundings.

Back in those days when I might use public transportation, I always use one hand to clutch my handbag in front of my upper body, just in case someone bumps into me. IF my butt got grabbed, I'm the type of person who'll whip around and yell at the possible jerk, cannot let that kind of asshole get away with it.

A few months ago, a lady jogging in my neighborhood got groped from behind, the guy walked passed her face-to-face, then turned back to grope her. She had a good description of him, ran to the nearest house and called the police, the cops were all over the place with K-9 units. Some neighbors saw the guy drove away in a truck, and the police caught the guy a day later in a different city. Our city have some very efficient police officers!
10/30/2011
Contributor: LQ LQ
Not to be all un-feminist here, but am I the only one who doesn't feel like a minor grope in passing is police-worthy? (Not in everyones' cases, just for myself personally). It's cool that cops do take it seriously & handle it well. Yours sound great, Rossie! But it just doesn't traumatize me that much personally & if I'm especially bothered, I'll handle the guy myself.

Like I said earlier... if it's an ongoing situation or a situation where I see potential escalation or there's no one around, etc. that's different. It's situational. But a pinch in the crowd...eh.

(Not insulting anyone for taking action, at all. Just curious if any others are more casual about it or if I'm giving a bad name to women everywhere.)
10/30/2011
Contributor: Rarity Rarity
Quote:
Originally posted by LQ
Not to be all un-feminist here, but am I the only one who doesn't feel like a minor grope in passing is police-worthy? (Not in everyones' cases, just for myself personally). It's cool that cops do take it seriously & handle it well. ... more
I feel as though unwanted touching is considered to be sexual assault.

There has recently been a man (quite a few men, really) in the city that has been caught for groping women and a big deal was made of him in the news. I'm quite glad too, since he likely wouldn't have stopped if he hadn't been caught. There is absolutely no excuse for a man to be putting his hands on a woman like that. I have no tolerance at all for such behaviour.
10/30/2011
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
I haven't been groped but once as I walked down a street a guy on a bicycle coming toward me leaned down and punched me - HARD - in the crotch as he rode past me. I screamed obscenities and threw a rock at him, but I missed.
10/30/2011
Contributor: Rarity Rarity
Quote:
Originally posted by Tuesday
I haven't been groped but once as I walked down a street a guy on a bicycle coming toward me leaned down and punched me - HARD - in the crotch as he rode past me. I screamed obscenities and threw a rock at him, but I missed.
What in the world?
10/30/2011
Contributor: Breas Breas
When I was working at the bar as a bartender, it happened a few times by drunk, old men.
10/30/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Yeah, I was waiting for a subway or el-train or something in Chicago, when a blind man, complete with sunglasses and cane, walked up behind me. I took a couple steps forward to be out of his way and kept on looking at the schedule, when suddenly I feel someone grab a handfull of my ass!

Guy was totally not blind. I was a little miffed, but we were alone on the platform and he kept on walking so I didn't panic.
10/30/2011
Contributor: Antipova Antipova
Quote:
Originally posted by LQ
I've only been groped by drunk guys at concerts. Between the alcohol & wall-to-wall people, I don't find it a big deal. I just raise an eyebrow & say something like "Hey, I bet the security guy there might enjoy getting in on ... more
Yeah, strangers at concerts, it's wall to wall people, you're dancing, and I kind of figure getting a little harmless physical attention is part of the fun of a live concert? So I don't count that. I'm smiling, it's invited, doesn't count as an invasion of privacy.

Creepy fake blind guy, on the other hand? That ruffled my feathers a little.
10/30/2011