The New Intimacy

Do you feel "adult?"

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Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
I've been reading a book discussing the state of 20 somethings postponing "adulthood" and how they never feel like adults even after starting their careers, or families. This reminds me of advice I've heard everywhere from friends to a biography of Teddy Roosevelt, that no one ever feels the part and that life is just acting the part.

Does acting the part ever transition into living the part, or does it never seem to change, where every day the "adult mask" must be reapplied in order to function in society? If this change does occur as one lives the part, then it might explain how those who finished school sooner/started working earlier seem more adult, they have the practice and experience. Otherwise, what is it?
05/26/2012
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Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I have no idea. I've been waiting to feel "like an adult" for a while now. Being married didn't really change anything, neither did graduating college or paying all of my own bills.

I've heard from a lot of people though that you never really "feel like an adult" you just learn to be more responsible.
05/26/2012
Contributor: Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
I'm not sure if I really want to be an adult. Like a full timer. I can be an adult when need be, but I love my child like nature. It's who I am.
05/26/2012
Contributor: brooketacular brooketacular
When it comes to self-supporting, I'm doing okay and will become an "adult" soon, but I am not cut-out to be an adult at heart.
05/26/2012
Contributor: quackbuster quackbuster
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
I've been reading a book discussing the state of 20 somethings postponing "adulthood" and how they never feel like adults even after starting their careers, or families. This reminds me of advice I've heard everywhere from friends ... more
Interesting thread. I'm currently living alone, in college, & fully supporting myself financially. I feel a lot more mature than I did when I lived with my mom, or even when I lived with my boyfriend, but there are still some times that I just feel completely incapable of dealing with much of anything & I just feel really....I don't know, inadequate.
05/26/2012
Contributor: Envy Envy
I don't feel much like an adult at all, but I'm still living at home and feel I've made no headway into doing much with my life--helping my father and struggling with this economy that's forced me to stay home hasn't once helped the situation at all. Makes me feel down because a quarter of my life has already come and gone and I just feel stuck at times.
05/26/2012
Contributor: squire squire
No I don't, really. I was talking about this with a friend the other day, that even though I've gone to university for 8 years and now have a "career" that is hard to get I still feel like I am sitting in a room with more responsibility than seems appropriate for the feelings I have. I think it's based on individual experience though. Hard economic times, fewer jobs, fewer traditions that signify transition into a new stage of life all play a part I think.
05/26/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
I'm 26, just graduated with my bachelor degree in March and I don't feel like an adult at all, why? Here is a list:
I still live at home
I'm engaged (but still live at home, him at his moms)
I don't have a job yet (he does). I had foot surgery in April and haven't been told by the doctor yet that it is okay to start looking for one
Most of my friends are married and/or have children (I have none of that)
I just depresses me. I want so bad to be out on my own, married and be a mother but obstacles keep getting in the way It makes me feel like a loser.
05/26/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I am not a 20 something, but I still find this topic interesting, so I'm chiming in with my thoughts. I hope that is ok.

I guess it depends on how you define "adult". None of us ever reach a magical moment when we automatically know exactly what to do in every situation we face. That's an impossible dream.

But, with a bit of experience under your belt, and by building a good support system over the years you can start to figure out the pros and cons of acting certain ways in certain situations. You can learn tools for managing upsets, frustrations, problems, etc. and those tools can help you deal more successfully with those issues when they arise.

Part of growing up (just in my opinion) is realizing that things will never be "ideal" or "perfect" or "just how you imagined them"... and being ok with that. Life can still be wonderful and enjoyed, and we don't have to act like toddlers throwing fits when things don't go just how we wanted them to.

I don't know if this helps, but it's just my 2 cents on the topic! I don't think being an adult has anything to do with being married, having kids, having a certain job or living in a certain place. It's all mental and emotional. I remember being younger and really looking forward to the day when I would be "a grown up". Then I found out that you don't automatically grow up. It takes work to get to that place mentally and emotionally, but I think the work is worth it.
05/26/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
I felt adult when I was about 16. I was on my own and completely responsible for my bills, schooling, job, apartment and all appointments. I do have my fun 'kid' side, but am a very serious person. Thank goodness for a sense of humor!!
05/26/2012
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I'm almost 35 and I'm still waiting to feel like an adult, even though I've been the main supporter and emotional-mother during a bad marriage. I know that in my case, it's not feeling confident enough in my choices or responses to life that keeps me from feeling like I'm beyond sixteen. I'm told (in my case) that once I fully get on my own again - without anyone else in the picture - I'll come to grips with adulthood better.
05/26/2012
Contributor: T&A1987 T&A1987
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
I'm 26, just graduated with my bachelor degree in March and I don't feel like an adult at all, why? Here is a list:
I still live at home
I'm engaged (but still live at home, him at his moms)
I don't have a job yet (he does). ... more
This is actually somewhat similar to my situation. I'm living at home now and my GF had a knee injury last august, surgery in December and physical therapy from August through march. She's coming back in a few weeks, but will have to live with my mother and I until one or both of us find a job. She's lived at her home (in the other part of the country, me in New England, her in the midwest) isolated from the world for nearly a year now. Plus all of her friends are either pregnant, married or both (the Midwest is very different from New England in respect to marriage and babies).

We diverge paths on wanting to be married and a parent, but other than that it's similar.

Still, you're not a loser and things could be worse. You still see each other in person, at least one person has a job, neither has to relocate to another part of the country (based on what you wrote). Plus, those who get married younger tend to have a higher rate of divorce, it's better to get married and have kids when YOU want to and there's a sound financial footing than to have kids because it feels like an accomplishment.

I'm working very hard to stave off the realization that i'm basically where I was during the summer before college, only with a degree and lots of debt.
05/26/2012
Contributor: Woman China Woman China
*hums* I don't wanna grow up, 'cause I'm a Toy R Us kid....

That's me!!!

The only time I ever feel like an adult is when I my body gives out. Cause then I just feel old.

But all the rest of the time??? Age is just a number for the number of rotations of the Earth around the sun. How you feel or how you appreciate life or how you enjoy life or even how you interpret life... has nothing to do with the number we are.

Wisdom is just the realisation of knowing that life doesn't end when life begins! Or better yet... I am old enough to know how to still have fun.

Oh! To answer the original posters question; No. I do not feel like an adult, nor do I pretend to know how to be one.
05/26/2012
Contributor: Arch600 Arch600
Quote:
Originally posted by T&A1987
I've been reading a book discussing the state of 20 somethings postponing "adulthood" and how they never feel like adults even after starting their careers, or families. This reminds me of advice I've heard everywhere from friends ... more
I've always said I never felt like an adult... and I'm 45. I think it may be because reality doesn't match the expectations you develop as a child. As a kid, adults always have the answer, know just what to do in any situation, and always know right from wrong. You don't know about the insecurity, self-doubt, and internal conflict until you experience for yourself.
05/26/2012
Contributor: minakitten minakitten
I have always felt like an adult. Even when I was a kid.
05/26/2012
Contributor: Crystal1 Crystal1
I rarely feel adult-y.
05/26/2012