The New Intimacy

Daughters using a viberator

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Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Would you let your daughter use a toy at the following age

For me it really depends on the maturity of my kids and how they act not just there age. I know what I let them do when but at what age would you
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
11
KyotoAngel
1
12
KyotoAngel
1
13
Ansley , dv8 , aliceinthehole , Sally Forth , KyotoAngel
5
14
Sex'и'Violence , Ansley , Howells , darthkitt3n , mandiegk , phunkyphreak , Jenyana , Noira Celestia , butts , aliceinthehole , KyotoAngel
11
15
Sex'и'Violence , Ansley , sexyintexas , darthkitt3n , mandiegk , phunkyphreak , ms.anon , Jenyana , Noira Celestia , Ryuson , RagdollsandZombies , Princess-Kayla ♥ , aliceinthehole , KyotoAngel
14
16
Errant Venture , Jimbo Jones , Sex'и'Violence , Ansley , sexyintexas , darthkitt3n , mandiegk , phunkyphreak , The Curious Couple , Endocott , Bignuf , Noira Celestia , newfoundlust , anonomous , Apirka , dhig , Checkmate , richsam , RagdollsandZombies , Princess-Kayla ♥ , Secret Pleasure , aliceinthehole , Darklyvan , Missmarc , Kithara , Mwar , KyotoAngel
27
17
Ansley , mandiegk , Noira Celestia , yrnw , Curiouscat , Princess-Kayla ♥ , aliceinthehole , Darklyvan , Missmarc , KyotoAngel
10
As soon as they phisically can
MistressDandelion , Missmarc , Gone (LD29)
3
NEVER
padmeamidala , SexyStuff , wrmbreze , slynch
4
Total votes: 76 (42 voters)
Poll is closed
07/11/2011
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Contributor: phunkyphreak phunkyphreak
I think that is a personal call for the kid and when they feel that they are ready and you feel comfortable with it.
07/11/2011
Contributor: toxie m toxie m
I agree with phunkyphreak, it's going to depend on the kid. At no specific age would I ever offer sex toys to my (future) kids, but if a daughter of mine came to me asking about them I would absolutely be open to the discussion. I am all for masturbation as an alternative to teenagers becoming sexually active too young. A vibrator can't get you pregnant I think 13-14 would be a good age to be discussing alternatives to partnered sex, but clearly sexual thoughts begin much younger. I'd try to follow my daughter's lead as much as possible on this subject and just generally foster an atmosphere of open communication so she'd feel comfortable enough to bring it up if she wanted to.
07/11/2011
Contributor: oohlookasquirrel oohlookasquirrel
LET my daughter use a vibrator? Like she's going to ask permission first? You can't keep a girl from masturbating, and they're likely to improvise something as soon as they become interested. Let's just hope they have the sense to improvise something safe and don't hurt themselves in the process!

I think girls should have safe masturbatory aids as soon as they become interested in them. I started masturbating when I was 10, well before puberty and my first period, but I don't think I would have known what to do with a vibrator at that time. It took me a few years to realize it was OK and that I wasn't going to hurt myself or make myself sick. Somehow my parents neglected to mention that girls get wet when they get horny, and I thought I had made my body angry. If I hadn't improvised a vibrator out of a toy I had, I would have gotten into a whole lot of sexual trouble as a teen, I promise you. Safe and satisfying ways to masturbate kept me from finding boyfriends to experiment with until I was old enough to be smart about it!

I'm not a parent, but I've often thought about the best way to give your daughter a vibrator. I think my plan will be to give my daughter a sexual health box once she enters middle school. She can keep it in her closet or under her bed, and she doesn't need to use anything in there if she doesn't want to. I'll promise to stay out of her stuff and never snoop to see if she uses the stuff or not, so no need to be paranoid. I'll put some condoms in there (probably with a note about waiting to use them until she's dating someone she trusts completely), some books (I like "The Guide to Getting it On" right now, but I'm sure things will be different when I'm actually a parent), numbers or websites of places she can go for good information if she doesn't want to talk to me about it, and a brand new vibrator with some batteries. Right now, I'd pick a Layaspot, but I'm sure there will be better stuff out there by that point. Something quiet and non-threatening. Probably a package of Plan B, just in case. And I would let her know that if her toy ever breaks, I will happily get her a gift certificate to an online toy store and let her get what she wants without me snooping. (Of course, the box would not be the sole lesson of her sexual education.)
07/11/2011
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
I'd never thought of this before. I suppose, like normal sex, I would wait until she's legally able to buy the toy, say, around 16 (18 in other areas).
07/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I have 3 daughters. Their sex lives are their business. I think the act of giving a young girl a sex toy crosses a boundary that I am not going to cross. My older girls have Pay Pal accounts and are old enough to get into stores that sell sex toys. IF they want sex toys, they are free to buy them.

As someone else said, I'm going to stop them?

No one who hasn't had their own children really knows what they will do until they have that child and raise it from infancy. Boundaries in a child/parent relationship are so important and in my opinion, interfering in a young girl's sex life is crossing that boundary. I did offer to take my older girls to Planned Parenthood or a GYN, but they had already been there. But, that's for their health.

Their personal pleasure is their responsibility and I'm not going to be one of those parents who gets into a kids' sex life, either for or against. (Unless its a health issue.) It simply isn't my business. I know where my boundaries are, and how important to a healthy relationship they are.
07/12/2011
Contributor: Sex'и'Violence Sex'и'Violence
As much as it's not something that I am really wanting to think about I'd say anywhere in the 14y/o or older range. I would much rather have her masturbating and enjoying herself that way than going out and experimenting with guys/other class mates.

Additionally, if she were to come by one on her own/I were to find one when cleaning her room I wouldn't take it away or say she couldn't have it. If she's old enough to ask then she's old enough to know is kind of how I am hoping to bring up my daughter. I suppose time will tell though.
07/12/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
I would talk with my daughter about vibrators as soon as she got over the trauma of having her first period. I figure if she's menstruating, that means her body is gearing her for sexual activity and I want her to know she has better options in the privacy of her home, than experimenting with friends where she may or may not get hurt.

I would tell her about my experiences as a teenager hitting puberty and how I felt when I didn't know how to respond to the demands my body was making of me.
Then one day a pretty little something would just end up on her bed with a pack of batteries beside it. And that would be the end of it.
07/12/2011
Contributor: sexyintexas sexyintexas
I agree that it all depends on the child. I have 2 teen boys:13 and 16 and one teen daughter-15. I am NOT niave enough to think that they don't masturbate. I really don't want to ever walk in on them, but I wash the sheets so eh. My daughter hasn't mentioned one but if she did (shes almost 16) I would have to be honest and give her opinions on her options. I would probably even buy it for her if she wanted. Yes it would be awkward for me but she knows that she can come to me with anything so...
07/12/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
I would talk with my daughter about vibrators as soon as she got over the trauma of having her first period. I figure if she's menstruating, that means her body is gearing her for sexual activity and I want her to know she has better options in ... more
Two of my daughters started menstruating at nine years old. A little young for a vibrator talk. And, honestly, none of the three of them (the other one got hers at 13) were the least bit traumatized by getting their periods.

I still think its best for kids to figure out manual masturbation on their own and that buying them a vibe is just too much of inappropriate boundary crossing behavior. One can be open without being in the way.

I have to be honest, if my mother had offered me a sex toy (but she wouldn't have) It would have turned me off sex toys and maybe sex forever.

JMHO.
07/12/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
Two of my daughters started menstruating at nine years old. A little young for a vibrator talk. And, honestly, none of the three of them (the other one got hers at 13) were the least bit traumatized by getting their periods.

I still think its ... more
And that's how you would handle it in your household and this is how I would handle it in mine. Your way is based off of your interactions with your mother and mine is based on the lack of communication and vast amounts of trouble I got into as a teenager because my mother didn't do those things for me. So I'll pull your card from yesterday and say that we should just agree to disagree. Fair?

This is hypothetical anyway, there will be no children in my home - ever. So, it doesn't really matter if that's how it would play out when I become a parent because that's not on the table.
07/12/2011
Contributor: lexical lexical
Quote:
Originally posted by oohlookasquirrel
LET my daughter use a vibrator? Like she's going to ask permission first? You can't keep a girl from masturbating, and they're likely to improvise something as soon as they become interested. Let's just hope they have the sense to ... more
oohlookasquirrel, this is a fantastic response. Took the words right out of my mouth. I love your idea about a sexual health gift box! Brilliant!
07/12/2011
Contributor: usmcwife99 usmcwife99
Its intresting seeing the different views people have on there girls using toys.

Personally for me ime in a much different position then a mother, as I am more of a friend/guardian(its a struggle between the two) to my sisters and a few other girls who I have custody of. Because were closer in age its eiasier for us to talk about sex I think.

In the position ime in my 16 year old found out I had a toy and I was like ok whatever I dont care you know just keep it to yourself. And she pretty much asked can I have one. And I got her one. I dont think i would encourage toys in any of my kids or discourage. If they came to me and wanted one(as were extremely open when it comes to guys and sex) Ide be ok sure.
07/12/2011
Contributor: Endocott Endocott
If this would keep her away from boys.
07/13/2011
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
Would having a blow up doll or a fleshlight have kept you away from girls, when you were a teenager, Endo?
07/13/2011
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Would you let your daughter use a toy at the following age

For me it really depends on the maturity of my kids and how they act not just there age. I know what I let them do when but at what age would you
I don't think mine would ever have let me know if she had one. She was very shy and discreet about things, even though we spoke about EVERYTHING and still do.
07/13/2011
Contributor: Noira Celestia Noira Celestia
Well, as other people said I wouldn't go to any length to discourage it or tell her she couldn't have one. I also wouldn't go out of my way to buy her one, but if she asked me to buy her one I would certainly consider it.

I didn't figure out manual masturbation on my own exactly, I was totally confused by it. I was masturbating very young, but not with my hands, I may as well have had a toy since I broke the shower hose a couple times. I had NO IDEA I was masturbating.
07/13/2011
Contributor: Wild Orchid Wild Orchid
I think providing good sex-ed that does value pleasure and autonomy is perfectly enough. A mention of phthalates or how you shouldn't put anything that doesn't have a base into your ass can be mixed into it without problem. I'd say to them that I won't throw out their "private things" or make a fuss about them.

Once kids have that background they will go on-line to buy something if they want to. They won't need me imposing my erotic or aesthetic tastes on them. They will click "I'm 18" even if they're not (that's why a net nanny is not a replacement for a discussion about porn and why it's better for them to stick to their own imagination for masturbatory material for a while). Of all the places the sex shop is the only one where breaking the 18 rule would be OK with me. Liquor or cigarettes are a real concern. Orgasms are not.
07/13/2011
Contributor: newfoundlust newfoundlust
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Would you let your daughter use a toy at the following age

For me it really depends on the maturity of my kids and how they act not just there age. I know what I let them do when but at what age would you
If they came to us and asked, that would be a good indication of maturity.
07/13/2011
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
I agree with NewFoundLust! If they ask me to get one, they're mature enough to have one. But for the sake of the poll, I began to get interested and want one around 14 or 15, so that's when I answered!
07/26/2011
Contributor: Apirka Apirka
I would say around 16. As Ryuson commented above, if they can ask for it (probably at about that age), then they might be mature enough for one.
02/29/2012
Contributor: geliebt geliebt
Oh hell I don't know.. if they asked, then sure. I probably wouldn't just ask them straight out, though which is one of the many reasons I don't wanna be a parent! lol! But I had a vibrator when I was like 14 or so, so probably sometime around then I guess?
02/29/2012
Contributor: dhig dhig
hope that my lady would take care of all this, lol
02/29/2012
Contributor: In Between Soliloquies In Between Soliloquies
Tough call. I don't know what I'd decide, honestly. These days, kids have access to a whole lot, so if she really wanted to, she could figure out a way to get ahold of one and keep it hidden, so I don't know if it's a matter of me "letting" her or if it's just a matter of me showing acceptance or approval when she reaches a certain age. If she were the type to ask my permission and dutifully obey my decisions, then I guess I'd have to think about that one pretty hard...
02/29/2012
Contributor: richsam richsam
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Would you let your daughter use a toy at the following age

For me it really depends on the maturity of my kids and how they act not just there age. I know what I let them do when but at what age would you
about 16 maybe
02/29/2012
Contributor: Curiouscat Curiouscat
17... maybe 16. Younger than that I don't think is very appropriate.
02/29/2012
Contributor: RagdollsandZombies RagdollsandZombies
As much as I think its a personal call anything younger then 15 seems inappropriate to me.
02/29/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
It would be an awkward talk, but I'd say around 15 if she really wanted one, I'd get one for her. I'd rather her have a vibrator at that age than go around having sex with someone.
02/29/2012
Contributor: butts butts
I discovered sexuality younger than I voted (14), but that's probably when I'd have a talk with them, unless it seemed like it needed to happen earlier. It's healthy, I don't think people should be so embarrassed of it, but I also don't think that parents should really be involved in their kid's sex lives past simply educating them unless they're in danger/really need help. I'd have a talk with them, and give them the resources to look things up and decide on their own around age 14.
02/29/2012
Contributor: LavenderSkies LavenderSkies
Quote:
Originally posted by usmcwife99
Would you let your daughter use a toy at the following age

For me it really depends on the maturity of my kids and how they act not just there age. I know what I let them do when but at what age would you
Whenever they express interest
03/01/2012