The New Intimacy

Checking in with your SO...

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Contributor: Nirelan Nirelan
When you go spend the day with a girlfriend (say you're going to a bridal shower for a friend), are you expected to "check in" with your SO? Or do they let you have time with your friend without having to worry about stopping what you are doing to call and let them know you are ok and when you think you'll be home?

My SO thinks I need to check in with him and I REFUSE to do so. I am not a little kid and I will not be treated like one. If he calls and it's noticed I will answer or call back, if we are too busy then too bad. I HATE that he expects me to do this!!!
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
No I don't have to check in
Breas , solitudinarian , MissCandyland , ToyTimeTim , Danielle1220 , SaraW0512 , Badass , SMichelle , ViVix , G&L , Melan!e , Missmarc , BBW Talks Toys , mama2007 , Rossie , aliceinthehole , LavenderSkies , bayosgirl , KrissyNovacaine , prettynpink , angel142stx , jeangel246 , MamaDivine , Femme Mystique , DeliciousSurprise
25  (42%)
Yes it's expected that I check in
js250 , Beck , Ilovelingerie , Bex1331 , pootpootpoot , shcoo , xOhxSoxScandalousx
7  (12%)
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Geogeo , Nirelan , Terri69 , Falsepast , Emerlyn , NarcissisticLust , roskat , dv8
8  (13%)
Other I'll explain below....
Allison.Wilder , SimpleTeaser , PassionateLover2 , asphyxia , PropertyOfPotter , Kitka , LovesAPoet , ghalik , Stinkytofu10 , Sammi , Arch600 , BlooJay , indiglo , Peggi , Sex Positivity , caligaliber , RTC , CuddleWhore , quinceykay , Gone (LD29)
20  (33%)
Total votes: 60
Poll is closed
05/19/2012
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Contributor: Allison.Wilder Allison.Wilder
I am not expected to check in, but I do from time to time. A quick text here or there prevents a whole lot of butthurt feelings later on. It makes my SO feel better, it doesn't make me feel controlled and things are good. The same goes for him when he's out. It's not a rule, it's just respectful.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Breas Breas
No I don't have to check in. Sometimes I'll send him a quick text and say "hey, we're doing this and this hope you're having a great day" and vice versa but it is never expected. If it was expected, I probably wouldn't do it (I'm such a rebel lol)
05/20/2012
Contributor: SimpleTeaser SimpleTeaser
No, I don't have to check in. However, I do call my husband of 15 years at times. He will also call me and let me know if he's going anywhere after work or whatever. Plus, if anything were to happen, he would know the general area I might be in.
05/20/2012
Contributor: MissCandyland MissCandyland
I don't have to check in, but I'll sometimes send a courtesy text.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
There's an old saying "if you don't want your feelings hurt, always call before you come home". Seems to me that he's either incredibly insecure, doesn't trust you at all or he's got something going on on the side.
05/20/2012
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Maybe if I am gone more than a day or two but otherwise no. We established trust a long time ago so there is no need.
05/20/2012
Contributor: js250 js250
Since almost dying in a car accident and with the injuries (ADD and minor brain damage) yes. He worries and gets into a panic if I do not. A couple of times I forgot important details and he had to remind me to remember and take care of them when I called. I realize it is for my wellbeing and his mental comfort so I have no problem with it. On the flip side, he returns the request when he is out--to make sure everything is ok and I don't worry.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Danielle1220 Danielle1220
I'm not expected to check in...but I do just because I know he appreciates it.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
Being single, it actually annoys me when I'm with my sister or someone out and about for like 2 hours and their SO calls, or vise versa like 5 times...I think it's ridiculous. When I was dating my ex, we never, ever called each other, even if he was gone for days or weeks.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Geogeo
Being single, it actually annoys me when I'm with my sister or someone out and about for like 2 hours and their SO calls, or vise versa like 5 times...I think it's ridiculous. When I was dating my ex, we never, ever called each other, even if ... more
Might that have something to do with why he's your ex?

Couples who are in close contact with one another tend to have better relationships overall, that's why I'm asking. I'd go insane, beyond insane, if he was away from me and I had no contact at all with him. We just really like each other a lot and enjoy being together and hearing each other's voices really brightens the day when we aren't together.
05/20/2012
Contributor: SaraW0512 SaraW0512
I don't have to check in but I do text my hubby from time to time. He does the same. It's not a have to though, just the way we are.
05/20/2012
Contributor: PassionateLover2 PassionateLover2
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
When you go spend the day with a girlfriend (say you're going to a bridal shower for a friend), are you expected to "check in" with your SO? Or do they let you have time with your friend without having to worry about stopping what you ... more
We usually have an idea what our plans are for the day and that calling in is NOT expected. However, I always have my cell phone on just incase we need to contact each other! It is a matter of TRUST!
05/20/2012
Contributor: Geogeo Geogeo
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Might that have something to do with why he's your ex?

Couples who are in close contact with one another tend to have better relationships overall, that's why I'm asking. I'd go insane, beyond insane, if he was away from me ... more
He's my ex because of a lack of maturity really. I think because it seemed like we were together alllll the time it was a nice break to be separated for a few hours...I need time to miss someone or I go crazy with the feeling of clinginess...may be why I'm happily single now though. I don't think I'm meant to be in a relationship.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Badass Badass
I check in with him, because I am a good girlfriend and I love him and miss him when I'm away. He doesn't expect it, he doesn't call, he doesn't bug me when I'm out with my girls, because I already keep in touch with him.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Nirelan Nirelan
I left for a babyshower at 9 am, after getting to where we were going I found out that I was helping set it up, and get everything ready for the guests. It actually started at 1 pm, but in the meantime we set it up and I got the grand tour of the church and got ideas of photos (I'm the photographer for the wedding day also), so I was pretty busy all day. After the shower was over, we hauled everything into the truck and headed home. Keep in mind that I had no cell phone, I left it with him because he had the kids and I thought he needed it more, so I was relying on my friends cell phone, and out of respect for her I was assuming that if he needed to know anything he could get ahold of her phone and talk to me so I didn't have to keep using her phone.

Apparently sometime during the day he called and she didn't tell me, it was her shower and she was busier than me and it very well could have just slipped her mind. When I got home he threw a FIT. I got home at about 3:30 pm. I just got the kids and spent the rest of the day outside with another friend. I don't take kindly to being treated like I'm getting lectured or in trouble for acting like an adult. It just pissed me off more and honestly made me wonder why the hell we were even together. I have LOTS of doubts when it comes to us, but we have 2 kids and 10 years of time together.....I'd hate to waste it all now. Idk, I guess I have a lot of thinking to do.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Nirelan Nirelan
When I work if I don't text or call during a break he gets shitty too......
05/20/2012
Contributor: Terri69 Terri69
Dump him...the only time you should "check in" is if there is real bad weather or you are having car trouble or something and just to let him know you arrived safely but other than that absolute not!!!
05/20/2012
Contributor: PropertyOfPotter PropertyOfPotter
My husband usually ends up calling me or texting me to see what's going on.
05/20/2012
Contributor: asphyxia asphyxia
My hubby and I are pretty much always on the phone when we're apart if we're not doing something that precludes being on the phone, mostly because neither of us likes being away from the other. I think we're unique in this respect because most other people I know enjoy having time apart. We're oddballs, but since we both feel the same way about being apart, it works out perfectly for us. So, unless you enjoy this sort of "siamese-twin" type relationship, this dynamic won't work for you.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
I'm not expected to check in but I will do it if I think it's been longer than was planned or something.
05/20/2012
Contributor: asphyxia asphyxia
I just wanted to add:

If we were in your situation, with only one cell-phone, I think we'd be a bit more understanding about the inability to remain in constant communication. We would probably at least send a text, and if it were an all-day thing, we'd probably also manage a brief phone call with an update about when we'll see each other.
05/20/2012
Contributor: LovesAPoet LovesAPoet
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
I left for a babyshower at 9 am, after getting to where we were going I found out that I was helping set it up, and get everything ready for the guests. It actually started at 1 pm, but in the meantime we set it up and I got the grand tour of the ... more
I had a significant other that did this and it drove me up the wall. I would say that I'm going to spend some time with my father and he'd press me for details and constantly text, ask what we were doing, when I would be done and such. I couldn't spend time with my own father much less have any time to myself without his hassling. Eventually I just stopped caring. I got sick and fed up of his asking for updates every 5 seconds. I felt like he didn't trust me and it drove me away.

If you'd like to tell him what you're doing that second, go for it. It's nice to let you SO know what you are doing, I personally like to know what's up in my mans life. But you don't have to and I don't think it should be expected. I don't mean to plant doubt in your head but I think you're doing the right thing by refusing to check in all the time. I let my ex make me do it for sometime and soon enough he expected it and made a huge scene if I didn't. However you two have a lot more invested in it than we did (we only had 3 years, no kids.)

Luckily your SO doesn't sound as bad as mine was, I'm just warning you that it can quickly go from "When will you be home?" to "Where are you?","What are you doing?", "Who are you with?", "Why are you there?". Just be careful, I don't think it's break up worthy yet but you should really try talking to him and setting clear boundaries of what you are comfortable with. Good luck! I hope that was helpful and not too long..
05/20/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
I'm expected to check in, but because I do, not because I have to. I check in on my children. I have to know what they are doing.
05/20/2012
Contributor: ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
When you go spend the day with a girlfriend (say you're going to a bridal shower for a friend), are you expected to "check in" with your SO? Or do they let you have time with your friend without having to worry about stopping what you ... more
I would check in as a courtesy if I was supposed to be home, but decided to stay out later. No one will ever order me to check in.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
When you go spend the day with a girlfriend (say you're going to a bridal shower for a friend), are you expected to "check in" with your SO? Or do they let you have time with your friend without having to worry about stopping what you ... more
Its not big deal, he is just curious what you are upto. My man likes me to let him know what I'm upto too... and I like him to let me know what he's upto.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
When you go spend the day with a girlfriend (say you're going to a bridal shower for a friend), are you expected to "check in" with your SO? Or do they let you have time with your friend without having to worry about stopping what you ... more
I am not expected to, but I do it from time to time I tend to miss her when we are not together
05/20/2012
Contributor: G&L G&L
Who has to check but it is nice to let someone know if your plans change.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Sammi Sammi
I'm not expected to check in, but I think it's courteous to let him know around when I'll be home. He does the same thing when he's out with the guys.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Nirelan
When you go spend the day with a girlfriend (say you're going to a bridal shower for a friend), are you expected to "check in" with your SO? Or do they let you have time with your friend without having to worry about stopping what you ... more
I don't have to check-in, but sometimes I do.
05/20/2012