Like you, not all people identify as just male or female, but the vast majority of people do identify as one or the other, and our culture has traditional male and female roles, whether we accept them and take them on ourselves, or not. Besides, gender is socially constructed, but I wasn't talking about that, and I don't think others here were, either. We're talking about sex, which is biological. There are biological differences between males and females, and those differences often inform behavior and expression, or gender. Of course there are exceptions. I'm talking about my experience as a woman, because that's who I am.

In my opinion, a feminist is someone who believes in equality (men/women), not all that other stuff like a feminist must be pro-pornography or pro-abortion or this and that shit that others have tagged on. Feminism for you can be anything you want I suppose, but pro-porn or pro-abortion or pro anything is pro-that, not feminism. This is where people get confused -- because others say to be a feminist you must also believe this way about other issues. While I'm certainly not anti-abortion (the opposite mostly), I was only using those as examples. A feminist is simply a person who believes strongly in the equality of women/men and acts on making it happen i.e. activism.

Anyways, yes. I am very much a feminist.

I'm speaking from personal experience, and it seems like others are, too. It's not because it's ingrained in our culture to feel a certain way about feminism that I feel the way that I do. I've had too many experiences firsthand with militant feminists. It's not a myth that those types of women exist (but I hate the term "feminazi").

When people say, "I'm not a feminist, but..." they're clarifying their stance. What's wrong with that? I think that you find that feminism is a "simple" belief in equality, but it's a lot more complicated than that, and not every feminist would agree with you.

Women being told how to be express their sexuality and what is the "right way" to enjoy her sex life is so backwards and hypocritical in every sense of the word. I am very happily submissive, and I don't feel a shred of shame or guilt about it. It's as though those types of people think they understand the motives and circumstances behind every situation--if you're submissive, you must have been trained to be that way by our evil society! If you wear make-up, heels, are a girly girl, want to be a stay at home mom, etc., it can't POSSIBLY be because that's what you truly want and what makes you happy! You must have been brainwashed into being that person! Damn it, act more like a man! Femininity is horrible!

It's such a condescending attitude, you know? Like I need to have these women tell me how to live my life, what to enjoy, what to not enjoy, who to be, what to wear, what's acceptable, what's not acceptable, any more than I need a man to do that for me. How about giving women the benefit of the doubt and letting her choose her own way and discover herself without all that judgement? How about that?

When people say "I'm not a feminist, but..." it's often followed by a very feminist idea. I'm a Women's Studies major; I've studied feminist theory for years. Yes, militant feminists exist. But not to the extent that the media would have you believe. In my time in this field, I have not met one woman who would fit the description of a "feminazi" (much as I hate that term as well). Most are just people who want equal treatment and respect, regardless of their gender, race, class, or sexuality.

I just feel that the media has portrayed "feminism" in a very negative light, especially during the backlash in the 80's and 90's so many people are afraid to use the label feminist when they describe themselves.

yes. even if you have issues with third-wave etc feminism, i think it's important to recognize the base values in feminism.

Nope, haven't been "duped," because I'm not an idiot who is manipulated by the media. In fact, I am disgusted with our media and culture more often than not for other issues that mean a lot to me and how the media manipulates and misrepresents the reality of those situations, so I never appreciate being written off as some dumb ass who just follows what I hear. I have a functioning brain, the ability to think for myself, I've been a student of women's studies, I read, and I have my own personal experiences and perspectives that inform my opinion. And that kind of condescending attitude that you're expressing towards people who don't agree with your interpretation of feminism is the kind of thing that turns people off. It's also really predictable.

What about intersex people? They exist too.

I respect your perspective, and kudos for endorsing a brand of feminism that champions equal respect for a multitude of people. I've always hated "feminazi." I think Rush Limbaugh started that atrocious term. As a Jew, I don't like slapping the term "Nazi" on anything that I don't like or even seems militant. Nazis killed my people by the millions. If I thought you could compare feminism to that kind of fascism, I'd be a whole lot more vocally against such a group.

The media skews a lot of things in a negative light, and I've definitely come up against people who treat feminism like it's all kinds of evil because of the way it gets portrayed in the media. My own personal perspectives are a whole lot more complicated than that, though, and most of it comes from my own study and my own experiences. I think everyone could be a lot more thoughtful and a lot more understanding (myself included) when it comes to topics like these, which is why I think people feel they have to say, "I'm a feminist, but..." Often, my beliefs and perspectives do align with some feminist ideology. But because people get so caught up on labels, you almost always have to qualify what you label yourself as in order to try to be understood. You're totally right that people have a lot of trouble with the label. I've tried to stop labeling myself as a lot of things as a result of people's popular misconceptions about what that means, whether that's a liberal or conservative, a feminist or not. Liberal and conservative are especially tricky for me, because I have views from both camps, and if I try to say I'm a moderate, that gives people a whole other perspective, which is usually inaccurate.

Language is tricky, but I value conversations like this, as long as people can keep themselves in check and hear everyone out.

sort of, not completely.

Again, what I said goes for intersex people too. It's not what you see yourself as that matters when it comes down to be categorized. It's what others see you as, because they are the ones categorizing. And the majority of others would only classify sex as male and female. Intersex people are biologically both, but still are categorized as only one.

Fair? Nope! Am I right? Well, do you see an "other" option for gender?

Yes.

I think those who would question your feminism based on your sexual preference have no clue about the dynamics of a BDSM relationship, and therefore, are not qualified to say anything about the subject. Those who really get it understand the concept of power exchange and know the submissive actually holds considerable power in the relationship. After all, a Dom can only make you do what you have previously consented to in negotiation. You obedience is entirely conditional. Really, there is nothing more feminist to me than a woman who owns her sexuality in this way.