The New Intimacy

Alcohol/Rommate Etiquette?

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Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
This is a kinda random post, but I wasn't really sure where to go for information and I trust all y'alls opinion

What's the etiquette protocol when your roommate drinks your expensive alcohol. She's otherwise really nice and sweet, but I told her one night that she could have some of my Frangelico, and now she just helps herself to it. Needless to say, the bottle's almost empty now and she has drunk most of it, so it's too late to just hide the bottle. Ideally, it would be nice of her to buy me a new bottle, but I feel weird just straight-up asking for that.

What does everyone think?
03/27/2010
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Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Yea, I would totally spell the title wrong. "Rommate"?
03/27/2010
Contributor: JEM JEM
Perhaps in a round about way bring it up....Pour yourself some then offer her some....and say "Oh wow, I thought I had more of this" If she is as nice and sweet as you think she is she will feel bad and offer to buy you more. I totally know where you are coming from though I once had a roommate from hell who ate and drank ALL my stuff! Very hard to bring up! Good luck!
03/27/2010
Contributor: Miss Cinnamon Miss Cinnamon
Oh man, roommate problems! I agree with JEM that a roundabout way is the best. It depends on how sensitive she is to subtle hints, though. Some roommates, though sweet, may not pick up on your intended message. A somewhat more direct approach: While you're pouring yourself some, pretend to notice for the first time how little is left, and then joke, "Huh, you must really like this stuff! You're buying our next bottle after this one's all gone." The joking tone is key here. You have to be clear that 1) She's drunk most of it, and 2) You expect her to buy a new bottle, but at the same time you don't want to make her feel defensive.

Good luck with the roomie!
03/27/2010
Contributor: TitsMcScandal TitsMcScandal
Roommates are hard. If you are good friends with her I'd suggest doing what Cynthia said. The biggest thing is to make sure she knows that you don't hold it against and you're not upset, you just want it replaced. After it is replaced maybe just talk about how permission to drink something of yours only applies the night you give it. Just be open and upfront about it.
03/27/2010
Contributor: ToyGeek ToyGeek
Subtle hints can be ignored, either accidentally or intentionally, or come across as passive-aggressive and lead to seemingly unrelated future issues. It's probably better to be direct. Or, since you said the bottle is almost empty, see what happens when it runs out. She might buy more without prompting.
03/27/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Miss Cinnamon
Oh man, roommate problems! I agree with JEM that a roundabout way is the best. It depends on how sensitive she is to subtle hints, though. Some roommates, though sweet, may not pick up on your intended message. A somewhat more direct approach: While ... more
The suggestion that she'll buy the next one is very good. But then like ToyGeek says, if it only comes up as a joking suggestion, she might not actually do it.

Tricky, you may just talk to her the way you did with us. Without a blaming tone, just tell her that you did not expect her that she drank that much of the bottle and that when she can afford it, that you would appreciate that she buys a new one.
03/27/2010
Contributor: Rockin' Rockin'
I'd see if she does buy you more w/o prompting, and if not, maybe she'll offer "Hey I'm going to the store, do you need anything?" and that would be a great time to be honest and say, "Actually, yeah, a new bottle of Frangelico." If she doesn't buy you more and there's no good opening...I guess just bring it directly like ToyGeek said.
03/27/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Rockin'
I'd see if she does buy you more w/o prompting, and if not, maybe she'll offer "Hey I'm going to the store, do you need anything?" and that would be a great time to be honest and say, "Actually, yeah, a new bottle of ... more
That one's good. Better than a suggestion and awkward talk.
03/27/2010
Contributor: Andromeda Andromeda
Direct is always better with roommates, as I found out the hard way. If you don't want to straight up ask her for a new bottle, at least ask her to pay for half of it.
03/27/2010
Contributor: MuffysPinguLove MuffysPinguLove
Ah roommate issues, always difficult especially when you like the person and you have to live with them. I would start with JEM's suggestion and point out in a nonchalant way that you didn't notice how much was left, also say "boy you must have really liked this you get the next one" like Cynthia said. If she doesn't get the hint go with Rockin's idea of mentioning it when shes going shopping. Lastly, if she doesn't get the hint, sit down with her and explain that you really like her and you enjoy having the kind of relationship where you can openly share things, but that you're a poor college student and you only drink Frangelico sparingly as a treat. Then tell her nicely that if she plans on continuing to drink it would she mind replacing the bottle, because you can't afford to. Hope that helps
03/27/2010
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Thanks everyone for your advice. I think I might start with that JEN suggested, though probably not offer her any (she's had quite enough). Trouble is I have a hard time with confrontation. I kind of see the conversation going "Oh wow, I though I had a lot more of this." then she makes a comment about how she drank "some" then I could ask her if she minds buying the next bottle.

Problem is, and I probably should've stated this at the beginning, is we'll only be living with each other for another two months because we have an academic-year lease on our house. In May we're both moving out. So then there's a brand new bottle of Frangelico that she purchased so it might be logical for her to take it with her when she moves.

I feel like this might be turning into a "pick your battles" kind of situation. Should I just suck it up (I am poor, but it's still just money) and move on?
03/28/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
The trick to living with roommates is having very firm boundaries! And, always have new roommate backups for when you have to kick bad roommates out.
03/29/2010
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
The trick to living with roommates is having very firm boundaries! And, always have new roommate backups for when you have to kick bad roommates out.
Yea, I guess we never really set up "house rules". It never seemed like we would need to.
03/29/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
Quote:
Originally posted by LikeSunshineDust
Yea, I guess we never really set up "house rules". It never seemed like we would need to.
I have had a lot of roommates over the years. There is no perfect system.
03/30/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Yeah, house-mates suck. Even great ones can be sucky at times. And every awkward conversation winds up being perceived as passive aggressive, so don't sweat it. I suggest a white board (dry erase board) in your kitchen or hallway with the next house-mate. That way, you can leave notes for each other, which kinda worked for me with house-mates. I would post bills there, notes about house hold stuff etc. It never devolved into crazy notes to each other, thankfully.
03/30/2010
Contributor: SydVicious SydVicious
Elink... I hate these kind of situations. I had a terrible roommate that ate and drank everything I bought. I would start out nice and sweet and then take it to the next level when needed. I understand your concern about her taking the next bottle with her... at least she bought a new bottle and hopefully you got some out of it, even if she takes the rest with her. =-)
03/30/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
Quote:
Originally posted by SydVicious
Elink... I hate these kind of situations. I had a terrible roommate that ate and drank everything I bought. I would start out nice and sweet and then take it to the next level when needed. I understand your concern about her taking the next bottle ... more
I have set booby traps for food stealing roommates. The best one was this one that would always drink my 40's. So I drank half of one, filled it back up, and then put in way in the back of the fridge. Sure enough... it disappeared.
03/31/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
Quote:
Originally posted by Gary
I have set booby traps for food stealing roommates. The best one was this one that would always drink my 40's. So I drank half of one, filled it back up, and then put in way in the back of the fridge. Sure enough... it disappeared.
Filled it back up with what? eww... I shudder to think...
03/31/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
In our household we have a rule "Help yourself but if the last bit is taken by you it's your responsibility to replace it" we learned this through having room mates. it's a tough issue especially when you are living together to share expenses. You're other option is to not offer anything else to her and wait till she's gone to buy expensive food items.

Good luck, this is a thorny issue!
04/02/2010
Contributor: EffinSara EffinSara
I've had roommates steal everything from me from food to medical soap to condoms to underwear (EW!). There was always too much drama and talking to them straight about anything was impossible because they were always finding a way to twist my words.

My solution: I stopped living with girls.

Guys won't take it the wrong way if you need to talk to them about something. I'm sure some girls are great to live with, but I feel like my chances of having really chill housemates are better with the opposite sex.

You may just need to call this one a loss. It's really difficult to have something between personal and public, and I don't think it would go over well if you demanded some kind of remuneration for the liqueur. Let things end on a friendly note, and with your next room/housemate(s) be super clear about which things are public and which are just yours.

My house goes shopping for alcohol together, so we all know we've put money towards the booze. This makes it much easier to have parties, because no individual person's alcohol is being used for the bar. For beer, we split cases 4-way and keep track of how many bottles of each we've had. It's a good system.
04/02/2010
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
Quote:
Originally posted by EffinSara
I've had roommates steal everything from me from food to medical soap to condoms to underwear (EW!). There was always too much drama and talking to them straight about anything was impossible because they were always finding a way to twist my ... more
That's so true. My guy roommate and I get along great. My girl roommate and I get along well too, she just does stuff that bugs me.

Funny thing is, I actually brought the Frangelico home over Easter to make some fun drinks with my mom. We never got around to it, but I forgot the bottle at my parent's house. So it's safe and sound now I don't miss it being here; it was supposed to be for special occasions anyway. Roommate hasn't said anything about it.

There are only 4 weeks left until we move out, so I'm trying to keep the drama to null.
04/17/2010
Contributor: Gary Gary
You must have just gotten lucky... over the years I have had tons of pain-in-the-ass roommates. I found that both have the potential to be horrible roommates.
04/29/2010