Cosmo, Men's Health and Maxim are chock full of expert erotic advice and steamy bedroom tips. Now Team Coco is hopping on that bandwagon - except our "experts" are a gazillion times more informed than theirs.

Lightly run your fingers over your partner's back and seductively trace the words "I Know You're A Werewolf."

Introduce new toys into the bedroom, starting with Christmas lights tangled in a whisk.

Give your partner a sensual back massage. While they relax, open the little door on the back of their head and quietly climb in.

Know that nothing is sexier than a role-playing scenario, like Bad Cop/Good Dolphin, or French Maid Wearing Trash Bags, or Two Large Glasses Of Orange Juice.

Seductively crawl towards your partner on all fours while braying like a goat. At the last minute, weep uncontrollably.

Four words: ghost threesome.

Whisper secrets to your partner's genital organs. Softly say things like "I can get you off this spaceship."

Fill the crawlspace with rose petals and spiders.

Forget missionary position. Try "The Screaming Two-Headed Crab With Eight Legs."

Heat up cold, libido-killing sheets with a flaming Wicker Man.

When your partner leans in for a kiss, wrap your lips seductively around his or her lips, and then suck out the lies.

Tickle your partner's erogenous zones with a garden rake.

Wear tinfoil underwear as a sexy way to keep the government from controlling your groin parts.

While making love, be sure to maintain eye contact with the clocks.

Surprise your partner when they get home by stripping down to your subdermal musculature and flapping your arms like a majestic pterodactyl.



OMG lol less